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Why Couldn't Have I Been Born "in" a Commercial Life?

Updated on March 17, 2016
Golfing legend, Arnold Palmer.
Golfing legend, Arnold Palmer. | Source
Comedian, Kevin Nealon.
Comedian, Kevin Nealon. | Source
NASCAR driver, Brian Vickers.
NASCAR driver, Brian Vickers. | Source
NBA great, Chris Bosh.
NBA great, Chris Bosh. | Source

What happened?

62 years ago, I missed it. Surely I was either born too late or way too early. Since God never makes mistakes, I dare not blame Him, but someone, somewhere needs to rectify this obvious error in allowing me to be born and miss every opportunity, promotion, and overall success I would have enjoyed if I had only been born to do television commercials.

You might think me insane or maybe asinine, but that is your choice. I must chart my own course like I have for the last 62 years. I am not complaining that much, but in my existence in real life, things are not as good as they are in every television commercial I have watched for the last three years.

Think it over

And if you stop and think about what I am saying, you might agree with me. Let me ask you this: Is your life in real life any better than the people who "live" in a completely Utopian environment with hardly any stress to speak of and talk about pretty girls. Wow! Those commercials with Brooke Burke, well, I cannot comment on what she's selling, and I could care less. I just think she is a doll. But I can never meet her because she exists only in television commercials.

Rats. Double rats. These phrases are as close to cursing as you will ever read in any of my hubs. I do not want to draw the ire of HubPages employees, Christy and Matt. No, way. These two and the entire HubPages Team have been so understanding with me during my absence due to my hospital stay where I was treated for congestive heart failure and during the saddest stretch of time in my life: The passing of my only daughter. So you see why I value my relationship with Christy and Matt as well as the entire Hubs Team.

Does this image remind you of anything?
Does this image remind you of anything? | Source

How often do you enjoy the commercials more than the show they sponsor?

See results

Hanging out with Arnie and the guys

The most predominant commercial is the one with Kevin Nealon, Chris Bosh, Brian Vickers and the "Living Legend," Arnold Palmer. I cannot tell you what these guys are selling due to me not wanting my hub to be tagged for being overly-commercial, but how would you like to spend your days riding around lavish golf courses shooting round after round of golf with these celebrity salespersons? I would. And I have never played a serious amount of golf in my life.

But in this particular commercial I could. Because this is all I would be doing is hanging out with a Nealon, a very funny comedian, Vickers, a Sprint Cup race car driver, Chris Bosh, of the NBA's Miami Heat and golfing icon, Arnie Palmer. I called him Arnie for I know that all of his friends call him Arnie.

Animals live the "Life of Riley" in television commercials.
Animals live the "Life of Riley" in television commercials. | Source

Life in commercials is an adventure every day

Life in other commercials would be as grand as fellow shipping with these four stars because in one particular television ad, I would get to ride a flashy jet ski all day long with a nice looking girl riding her jet ski. Yes, there we are with life jackets on having a great ride in the ocean laughing and smiling as the day fades into another night. I get to do all of this carefree jet ski riding because I "suffer" from a certain man's problem. That is all I want to say about that.

Then if I have problems falling asleep, there is an ad that deals with this too. An attractive woman is laying wide-awake thinking back on her day and cannot catch a nap. But suddenly a beautiful green butterfly zooms to the rescue and then it's hello, La La Land. What a gig.

Now do you see why I am upset?

This is not a paid political spot that is paid for by any known candidate running for any office in the United States. Just wanted to put down that myth.

In television commercials, I can make a call to anyone, anywhere, anytime.
In television commercials, I can make a call to anyone, anywhere, anytime. | Source
I don't know how to ride a jet ski, but in a TV commercial I can do this and many other fun things.
I don't know how to ride a jet ski, but in a TV commercial I can do this and many other fun things. | Source
Being hungry is never a problem for people who live in TV commercials.
Being hungry is never a problem for people who live in TV commercials. | Source

Never a problem. Never a care

Oh, and if I were to grow hungry, no problem there. I would simply crawl into the backseat of these two guys' car who are always at this drive-in that serves all types of food. Burgers, hot dogs, shakes. Pure heaven on earth. And to make this scene even more perfect, these guys never pay for their eats.

Free food anytime I want. No problem falling asleep thanks to that green butterfly and getting to play golf with four famous guys who obviously live day and night on some golf course.
Oh, and if I want to call some of my friends who live in the drab existence called real life, I could do that with ease with all of the cellphone commercials I have grown accustomed to watching.

But what if I want to buy a car and insure it? Again. No sweat. There is, in all honesty, an over-abundance of car commercials and insurance ads for the home, car and life if I get worried about passing away.

Every problem solved. All of my bases covered. Never a worry. Never a care.

All because I was supposed to be born inside and now living in the realistic fantasy world of television commercials.

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