I Converted to Leftism

Dear Democrats,

As a new member of your base, I propose that next year, instead of calling for a 90 percent tax rate like what Alexandria Ocasio Cortez wants, why not do a 100 percent tax? That’ll give us even more money to enjoy spending money on investigations of Russian conspiracies about Trump. It would boost the economy by sending all of those greedy capitalists away, which allows for people in the working class such as your mailman to start developing highly competitive and complex companies such as Apple and Microsoft. We’d support all of those third world countries such as China that now gets the honors to have an equal footing with the United States.

My love for everything progressive has to lead me to openly endorse the Green New Deal. Yes, we must kill all of the farting cows. We must put charging stations “everywhere” and we must remove all airplanes in exchange for high-speed trains. Now that I think about it why don't we also develop a train that can take us to the moon? After all, all we need is the money from the greedy rich people.

I hope that you take my advice soundly and push forward on my moderate viewpoints.

Sincerely,

Your Precious Little Snowflake