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Women is there a man in your life?

Updated on October 1, 2013

It is an emergency

Let the toy break and then fix it.
Let the toy break and then fix it. | Source

I am once again reeling in smoke of anger

Do not get me wrong I only need some time and nothin more.

Woman, Do you know what your man does everyday? I doubt it. Oh there is all this smart talk about men not listening to their woman. Well I just took a walk and talked to 4 women in my neighborhood. Not one of them knew exactly what their husbands do.

That is a fact. One is some kind of an electrician -- but residential or commercial is unknown. One sells trucks "I think". One is a naval man, but he just goes to work. One is a school teacher but I do not know exactly what subjects right now, it changes.

Women are now so empowered that they do not listen.

I reckon they are just following our lead

I suppose I got nothing important to say. But I thinks I jus will say it anyway.

So for decades, and I do think it was after WWII men just ran the show. Life was hard but materialism had caught hold. Women were really not welcome in the show of going off to work. Very strange after all the great "Rosie the Riveter" stories and the French resistance and all them fine lady folk that saved our bacon during time of great injury to man.

(just an aside. Mary and Martha and Mother Mary and whores and Mother Theresa are my heroes. Cuz they was just as outcast as my sorry good for nothing butt. But they got it done)

My momma was part of this new idea that women could be bad ass mother ------ and run board meetings and take down politicians and create social change. Damn fine for her and all of us that she helped. But she never met and heard a single girlfriend I ever had that was not already a family friend. She "approved of" my wife but she never had time for our chicken eggs or eggplant.

Momma got busy proving herself and winning. There went my mom.

Putting career ahead of Children

Man or Woman do you put your career ahead of your children?

See results

I do hope this sounds harsh and sexist

Momma was awesome but not for me. The ball got dropped. (old term from aircraft carriers sending warship jet fighter pilots out to battle) You just cannot let the man go out to war in the world without some kind of mother behind him.

I know I know and I know that is not right. It is weird and my girls will beat me over this. And my wives will crucify me for writing this.

But the point is that somewhere down that road of the 1900's women got brainwashed into thinking they were not women. Do you get my point?

But here is the sad part, many just went ahead and adopted the negative traits of men. That is bad.

I say we have too much sensible and logic and intellectual.

It does not have to be like that at all.

There is no reason why the outer shell cannot be stripped away at the doorway to the home. There is no reason why sometimes work comes in second. Nowadays it is perfectly healthy and not considered strange for a man to do what were traditional women jobs in the home. Thank goodness. But I have never met a man that carries that into the workplace. A woman can do the same. They do not have to maintain an aura of competitiveness and machisma at home. And does not make them less of a go getter if they totally embrace their feminine side at home.

Time is our most important resource for making a better world

It takes time to teach a child to live. More time than a 60 work week allows
It takes time to teach a child to live. More time than a 60 work week allows | Source

Is it necessary to infringe?

Perhaps just perhaps we should give people something that is their domain. And not creep in on it. Show some respect and some boundaries. Pay attention. Anyone nowadays can become anything they want in the USA. I do not feel we need to take what someone else feels is their space and place.

Because when we do that we are leaving something out. And that which is left out is too often the children.

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    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      What great insight Seafarer Mama, your particulars are well worth keeping on hand for use. But what really gladdens my heart in reading your special comment is the time. Clearly you spend that time. Your darling gets it alright because you took the time to teach her and did it with insight and a good value system to guide you and her. Thank you much for sharing.

    • Seafarer Mama profile image

      Karen Szklany Gault 3 years ago from New England

      Very thought-provoking hub, Eric, on a subject that is very important for the future of humanity. I voted this hub Up, Useful, Beautiful, and Interesting.

      I agree that when we walk into the doors of our homes, it is important to be ourselves. It is important for spouses to care about how each other's day went and to listen to their children about how their days went. Parents are so important to children learning social skills and values, respect for themselves and others.

      When we walk into our homes at the end of a day, it is important that we can be ourselves, and that our children can be ourselves, that we can share our hearts and minds, know each other deeply, and be there for each other when the world knocks us down.

      Media is another form of corporations trying to take over the lives of people. When we overspend, they own us. My husband and I give our daughter an allowance to save or spend, and she is very thoughtful about how she spends it because she knows that when it's gone, it's gone.

      I actually make her write "thank you" notes/cards to people who give her gifts. When she protests that she does not like to write (which she doesn't, but that is one of those tasks that are not optional), I ask her if she likes to receive gifts. I let her know that it is very important to say "thank you" and to send a personal note to the people who send her gifts, to express appreciation. It's the other side of receiving...and that the expression of gratitude is a very important spiritual practice (she's 9, so she gets it) ~:0)

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Right on Sparklea!!! Right on. Proof of your comment is in the pudding of our children.

    • Sparklea profile image

      Sparklea 3 years ago from Upstate New York

      Eric: I want to shout it from the roof tops: RAISING A CHILD STARTS IN THE CRADLE!!! As God is my witness and may He strike me dead if I'm lying, my son and daughter never had a tantrum. The very first time they tried it, I nipped it in the bud. I simply told them, "never again are you to do that." Period. I don't believe in melt downs, time out, ....my kids loved their playpens. They would entertain themselves for hours, while I was right there, cleaning and talking to them.

      Yes I made many mistakes, but I loved those kids, and taught them to say please and thank you from the time they could talk. It starts at birth. Love them, do not fear them, but stand up to them...from day 1.

      Respect begins at Day 1.

      No one knows your wife better than you. And it is nobody's business how you live as a family - and I know that I know you handle the situation beautifully - you are a good man. Keep spreading your goodness on Hub Pages.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      There is far too much truth in what you say. Here is a danger I must face: My wife is a fireplug. She blatantly questions everything and she is one of those people that think truth is justification for being rude. And she is ESL with her first language being one where common courtesy is not a big part of the vocabulary. I get it. I get her. And I am OK because I love her and I understand her. But to someone else, how she treats me would look totally disrespectful.

      See where I am going? What is my son to make of that behavior? Very scary what it might teach him. So we work on it, we as a family unit. Works for me. I get a lot more hugs and it is forcing my wife to tone it down, which is helping her to be more at peace. Now she has to say please and thank you and I am sorry and I love you. So there is change but it is really in her, she just formed bad habits.

      But I can just imagine a family not paying attention and the result. Yikes!

    • Sparklea profile image

      Sparklea 3 years ago from Upstate New York

      Ericdierker; voted up, useful and interesting. I love your outright and forthcoming hubs. One day, during a real bad event, my daughter said these words to me: "Mom, be yourself, and don't apologize for it." Over the years this has slowly become my mantra. Life teaches us new lessons, day by day...we just have to listen and be aware.

      I have seen one of my grown children become someone they are not -who is paying the price and letting her daughter walk all over her...living with her rent free with a toddler, fathered by a drug addict.

      Society certainly is so different than when I was growing up. You made some excellent points that need to be addressed. Especially about the importance of raising children.

      All this being said, I don't think men or women run the show: Kids do.

      My heart aches for the children of today. To quote Jill Rigby on a tape I recently heard, "We are raising intelligent monsters." Children are running the country and getting away with it. Adults have swung the pendulum so far to the other side that they are afraid of their own kids. They give them everything they want, with no appreciation in return. I have witnessed this with my friends and their grandchildren.

      I cringe at the behaviors I see in stores, cafes and restaurants. I see kids scream in disrespect at their parents and the parents do NOTHING.

      I see them walking around with their light up sneakers and designer clothes, while my daughter and son wore hand me downs from garage sales. They prance, flaunt, and text, and chaw on their gum. They worship one person: self. It's all about, SEE ME.

      I miss the simpler times when we did not have all this technology that is both good and bad. Sadly, the generation of today has turned technology into a god. Just my thoughts. Blessings, Sparklea

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Your point does not have to be dramatic to be true. My wife is awesome with our son. But we have to face that she spoils him and does not do much teaching or being in the moment with him. That works for us. Because those are the things I like.

      And I would have to say that my moms general absence was a blessing in many ways.

      We are not all alike. My point I hope was about being someone you are not.

      God provides for us what we need. If we slow down and see it.

    • hfortinberry profile image

      H.B. Fortinberry 3 years ago from Connecticut

      Everyone, men and women, should share equally in the responsibility for our current situation. Eric, you allude to the importance of being there for the children (I agree, and was fortunate enough to be there for my son when he was growing up). But please remember one thing: all of us were children ourselves, who were either nurtured, ignored, or beaten to varying and differing degrees. Boys grow up to be fathers who repeat what their father's did; and girls who were beaten by their fathers look for husbands who will abuse them. Boys who were loved have learned what nurturing looks like and look for that love from a woman. The point is, nothing can be isolated; it is rather a inter-generational circular dilemma with only one true remedy...the love of God that will turn the "hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers" Isaiah (?). Personally, I try to understand people's personal experiences because honestly I don't think that any of us relate to life in the same way; if a woman chooses to work rather than be at home with her child, in a way perhaps she knows inside that her child is actually better off with people who feel committed to caring for children. I think having a frustrated mother at home who feels like a trapped animal would not be the best thing for a child, and could actually be down right dangerous...I'm thinking about the Susan Smiths of the world.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I hope that Hub is a rant!! Where have all the men gone indeed. Oh boy my first wife fell into that brainwashing. And the concurrent notion that happiness is situational and not inner peace and that someone else had better provide it. Thank goodness it passed and she is now happy.

    • Lastheart profile image

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 3 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      Sorry I just had to come back...anyways it is your fault for having me thinking about:

      "somewhere down that road of the 1900's women got brainwashed into thinking they were not women. Do you get my point?"

      Perhaps not 'brainwashed', but circumstances has lead women, to take over men's positions, starting with the absences of men to attend war issues.

      Another fact is, and I am sorry to say it...but where are the men that were man?

      Hummmmm you just gave me a hub, I was hub blocked...thanks again.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      thanks for the inciteful comment Kathryn. My wife was a workaholic before having our son. Now she is still a workaholic. But she does nothing else but work and be with our son. It wasn't the work or child she decided to give up -- it was everything else. That works for me. So far so good.

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      These are great points you make. I like how you started out by mentioning so many women don't even know what their men do for a living, and perhaps don't truly listen.

      I think that the "role" as a woman nowadays is a little confusing. We're expected to want to have a really big career, but then when we want to have kids, it's puzzling how to really incorporate that into life. I have had such a problem with this that I don't even have kids, despite wanting them. Indecision. It isn't the only reason, but it is at the backbone of my hesitancy.

      Thanks for sharing this with us, and I hope you have a fabulous day.

      ~ Kathryn

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Maria, seems like you and Froggy have a great system down. A "brainwashed" Maria --- I do not think so! Independent thinkers is what I see coming out of your home. Thanks for coming by and having kind words.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      thanks much Eddy, it was hard to write without sounding too chauvinistic. That certainly was not my intent. But I get tired of society telling us how to act.

    • Lastheart profile image

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 3 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      Somewhere down the road of my life I got brainwashed into thinking I was a human. I got your point!!! Thanks.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A great read Eric voted up for sure.

      Eddy.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind. I write and so I need to apply it there -- and your tutorial hubs really inspire us to stay normal and just learn how to express that. Thanks much.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Your common sense wisdom is so refreshing. No wonder I like you. :) Have a great day buddy!