A list of things "Cool/Uncool" (***Updated Continuously & Again on 12/1/17***)
Be like "Joe Cool"...'cuz dude knows from cool, "dog".
"Acting" cool. NEVER cool.
Barry Manilow/Barry Manilow
"You're Welcome."/"Not a/No Problem." (Wow. I'm not a problem for you. Gee. Thanks. ;o})
The Byrds/Harsh Words
The Beatles/Dirty Needles
The Stones/Broken Bones
The Kinks/Rat Finks
The Eagles/Sick Beagles
Tom Petty/Stale Spaghetti
Fantastical Parties/Political Parties
The Beatles/Pop Music Feebles
Tough Love/Not Enough Love
Hanging In/Giving In
"My very best is ALWAYS MORE than good enough!"/"I'm just not good enough."
Chin Up/Spit Up
All In/Cop Out
Building Up/Beating Down
Letting it go/Holding on to anger
Rock 'n Roll/Internet Troll
America The Beautiful/America The Pitiful
All In/Wimping Out
Challenging Yourself/Cheating Yourself
Keeping The Faith/Keepin' It Fake
Respect and Regard just because it's the right thing to do/Forced Political Correctness
Selfies (For the time being...)/Selfish
Sunny Disposition/Stormy Premonition
Die Hard Fanatics/Fair Weather Fans
Book Readers/CliffsNotes Cheaters
A pretty gal's laugh/@ a nervous guy's gaff
Character Building/Character Assassination
Full Disclosure/"Anonymous Sources"
"It is. It actually IS."/"It's, like, ...(fill in your own blank here)."
"Merry Christmas"/"Happy Hanukkah"/"Joyous Kwanza"/Any other end-of-year Holiday Wishes particularly meaningful to you/"Happy (PC) Holidaze"...ENOUGH already-Celebrate as you so choose and Mutually Respect, people. We can DO it!!
True Blue/The Blues
Being a Goof/Being Aloof
Pink or Purple/Mauve-Pick a dang color and go with it, man!!!
That's Success/That Sucks
Wild @ Heart/A Grumpy Ol' Fart
A Sunny Disposition/A Crummy Predilection
The Best is The Best/And a Pest is a Pest
Keep Your Chin Up/You might as well Give Up
A Smile for All/So Vile to All
An Old Soul/An Old Fool
Ease Up/Beat Up
Don't Stop Believing/When in the hell are you ever gonna START believing?!
Rockin' Out/Rock Bottom
Active Listening/Passive Aggression
Stopping to Smell The Roses/Trampling over The Garden
Live & Let Live/Discrimination
The Wonder of it All/"Whatever" to it all
"Do-able" New Year's Resolutions/Failure to pay restitution
Appreciating what ya got/Whining about what is not
Everything is beautiful/"Unachievable" is dutiful
Reading with your kid/Wishing you did
Premier Champagne/Smear Campaign
Pro Education/Curriculum Frustration
What a Blast!/What a (yaaawwwn) Bore
Fun/What a Drag
Wanting to/Having to
A satisfying solution/Devastating pollution
More for everyone!/That's all u git
Forgiveness/Forever giving in to a grudge
Easing up on yourself/Always being so dang hard on yourself
Life's Little Joys/Life Sucks
Good job!/That's as good as you can do?
Wholehearted effort/Half-Assin' it
Pomp & Circumstance/Pomposity
Full-Size Candy Bars droppin' in your Trick or Treat Bag/"Fun Size" Candy Bars droppin' in your Trick or Treat Bag
Jumping for Joy/Jumping to Conclusions
The Spirit of Santa Claus/There is no Santa Claus
Pressure Washing/Pressure Selling
One more lap/Sittin' with a bag of Lays on your lap thinkin' about doing ONE lap-JUST DO IT!
Breaking Clouds/Breaking Windows
True to Yourself/False Pretenses
There's always something to look forward to/Pessimism
The sweet sound of Violins/The ugliness of violence
"Just because."/"Now you owe me."
Infinite patience/Constant maintenance
Strawberry Jelly/Traffic Jam
Pride of Ownership/Bust it then Buy, Buy Again
Banana Splits/Shin Splints
I like your shirt/What's the deal with the shirt?
Expecting Nothing for an Act of Kindness/Expecting Something for Nothing
Thinking for yourself/"Groupthink"
Miles Davis/Miley Cyrus
You're Good 2 Go right straight out of The Shower/It's gonna be a Bad Hair Day
Humility like a Truck/Ego run amuck
A Good Kinna Crying/Pretty much any other kinna crying
Celebrating and Savoring Christmas/Rushing and Ruining Christmas
Why not?/Why bother?
Making fun/Making fun of
Beauty shining from within, and ever-growing/Beauty withering on the outside, and that's all ya got goin' for ya
"Prop" a Pal/Burn a Buddy
Sunny Disposition/Stormy Temper
Fired Up!/Burned Out
Spiritually "Plugged In"/Desensitized
Ordering a round/Ordering around
What a blast!/What a...yaaaaawn...bore.
Luck Out/Stuck Up
I can DO it/Aw, jus' screw it
I'm behind ya/I'm bailin' on ya
Forgiveness/Harboring an emotionally paralyzing Grudge
I'm important. But there are those I love who are more important than me./I'm important. How could anyone possibly be more important than me?!
Blissful/Just...okay, I guess
Bigger than that/Too small to understand "Bigger than that"
Doing your Best/Doing enough to get by
Grin & Bear it/Screamin' and Swearin'
Looking for "The Good"/Always pointing out "The Bad"
1st & 10/4th & 20 (When you've got the ball, that is)
"Good luck with that"/"You got no chance with that"
Everything in Moderation/"Super Sizing" Everything
Designated Drivers/Drunk Drivers
"Here's what you're doin' that's good"/"Here's what you're doin' that sucks" (particularly when that's ALL you ever hear)
Full Disclosure/Partial Truth
Grounded/Above it All
Get knocked down, & then get right back up/Get knocked down, & then just stay down
Look at all I got goin' for me/Look at all I don't got
"Merry Christmas!" (if you celebrate the Holiday)/"Happy Holidays" (with continuing due respect to the occasion you may observe)
Second Chances/Limitless "Free Passes"
Taking Accountability/Shirking Responsibility
Work-Life Balance/Work IS my life
Our kids are the axis of our existence/Our kids are the bain of our existence
The 1970s/Insidious Vanities
"I will carry on."/"I give up."
Home Cooked/Broken Home
Happiness for your friend's success/Envious of your friend's success (They're your friends, man! Root 'em on!)
Small Victories/Colossal Failures
Reading Books/Channel Surfing when you KNOW nothing's on
Samuel Clemens/Roger Clemens
Giving due credit to others/"Hogging" all the credit for yourself
Respecting History/Living in the Past
Guilty Pleasure/Guilty as Sin
Respecting your Elders/Rejecting your Elders
We'll get 'er done/Can't, Can't, Can't
Searching for Solutions/Digging for Excuses
The Celebration of Life/The Desecration of Life
Encouraging One's Vision/Discouraging One's Dream
Giving Thanks/Taking for Granted
Words of Healing/Words of Wounding
Good Natured/Mean Spirited
Straight Talk/Double Talk
Transparent Goals/Hidden Agendas
It actually is/It's, like, (fill in the blank)
Rich History/Cheap Histrionics
Meaning It/Demeaning It
Bipartisanship/Going down with the ship, spouting the tired party line as you (we) sink
Teaching/"Just do what I say"
Paying it forward, with personal gain or not/What's in this for me?
"Help me understand..."/"That's a stupid thing to say."
Respecting your employees/Stifling Micromanagement
Stuffed Animals/Stuffed Shirts
"Good game"/"You were lucky"
Sweating from hard work/Sweating the small stuff
Taking Care of Your Own/Taking Care of Your Own Hide
Realizing Your Potential/Denying Your Gifts
Laid Back/Hard Ass
Full Service/Lip Service
Hard Rock/Hard Time
Real Living/Reality TV
Devoted Dads/Detached Dads
Complimenting someone for no reason/Putting someone down for no reason
Honest Sincerity/Crippling Sarcasm
Soccer Fanatics/Soccer Hooligans
Humble Heroes/Blowhard Zeroes
Baylor/The University of Texas-Ha-Ha-Ha!! SIC' EM BEARS!!!
The Seattle Seahawks/The San Francisco 49'ers-Jim Harbaugh is a total DOOF! GO HAWKS!!!
Kickin' it Ol' Skul/Getting Kicked Outta School
White Guy/Caucasian Male (This from a White Guy mind you)
People with BIG Hearts/People with small minds
A True Gift/Fabricated "Talent"
Humbling oneself/Believing you're "above it all" (News Flash: You're not)
Being happy with what you have/Having it all and still you're miserable
Resilience/Giving Life Permission to Beat You Down
Embracing Change/Stuck in a Rut
Giving when you lack/Not giving when you have plenty
How may I help you?/What can you do for me?
Sharing/What's Mine is Mine
Getting Up Off The Mat/Throwing in The Towel
Eat 'til you're full/Eat like a fool
How ya doin'?/What do you want?
There's others I like better/I hate that
I respect you're feelings/You shouldn't feel that way (Never apologize for your feelings. They're your feelings)
I never want this movie to end/When will this movie finally end?!
Guys in touch with their "feminine side"/Guys who ask, "What the hell is a 'feminine side'"?
Pushing Yourself/Kidding Yourself
Living Out Loud/Living in a Cloud
The Right Thing To Do /The Convenient Thing To Do
Challenging Yourself/Underestimating Yourself
It's on Me/Woe is Me
The Buck Stops Here/Passing The Buck
Accountability/It's not me. It's never me.
Kicking Butt/Kissing Butt
Active Listeners/"Acting" Listeners
Soaring through and above the clouds/"The Glass Ceiling"
Constructive Criticism/Destructive Cynicism
Can Do/Won't even Try
Listening Up/Shouting Down
Bucking Up/Sucking Up
Keeping up with your kids/"Keeping Up with The Kardashians"
Air Guitar/Air Head
The Book/The Movie (Darn near always)
Classy Losers/Poor Winners
Real Vision/"Reality Television"
71 & Nary a Cloud in The Sky :o)/Scattered Showers, Turning to Rain & Thunderstorms for the Weekend :o(
Fresh Approach/Stale Stagnation
Patriotism/An alarming lack of appreciation for what it means to be an American
Persevering/Quitting on Yourself and Others
Passionate Devotion/"Fair Weather" Fans
Building Up/Beating Down
Recognizing Academic Excellence in our Children and Promoting such/Systematically Fostering Mediocre Academic Performance for All of our Kids (What?! STOP It!)
Trying your damndest, results be damned/Afraid to Fail
Van Halen/Van Halen Reunion
Original Stones/"Sold-Out" Stones
Cutting Edge Eddie Murphy/Castrated Eddie Murphy
Working together to do what's best for Americans/Paralyzing America with Bi-Partisan B.S.
Built to Last/Built Too Fast
Optimistic Outlook/Defeatist Attitude
Win-Win/Win-Don't Really Care Either Way
Respect for your Elders/No use for your Elders
Animal Rights/Animal Cruelty
The Classics/The Classless
Consideration for others/Oblivious to others
Waving In/Cutting Off
Others above Self/Self Absorbed
Small Talk/Small Minds
Unconditional Love/Convenient Caring
Paying it Forward/"Payback's a Bitch"
Moving Movies/Cynical Cinema (of the paying audience)
Letting it slide/Refusing to let go
Full Effort/"Mailing It In"
Wholly Original/Blatantly Derivative
Free Spirit/Denying Full Potential
Young of Spirit/Giving In
Giving Thanks/Giving Attitude
“Rocky” and “Rocky II”/All the Rocky’s thereafter
Productive Solutions/Bitch Sessions
Passion/Sleepwalking Through Life
Listening/"Winning" Your Point
Fire in The Belly/Arrogant Detachment
From The Heart/Selling Out
G-L-O-R-I-A Gloooooooria!/Gloria Allred
Hank Aaron/Barry Bonds
Eating Healthy/Mindless Eating
The historic achievements of NASA/The callous scrapping of NASA
Caring Teachers/"Couldn't Care Less" Teachers
Team above Individual/"Dig me"
Urban Renewal/Urban Decay
The Paris Hilton/Paris Hilton
True Believers/Justin Bieber