#Neanderthal Demands

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   Live to Learnposted 6 years ago

   Those of us who have decided to identify through our Neanderthal DNA have a list of demands for all identifying through their homo sapien DNA.
   
   1. Return our ancestral lands.
   2. Pay compensation for natural resources borrowed over the last 30,000 years.
   3. Turn over 1/3 of all business and industry as compensation for stealng our past, present and future.
   4. Enact laws and legislation declaring us an oppressed and entitled class, in order to allow us the opportunity to advance, as a subset of homo erectus, to the level of inclusion and acceptance enough to permanently lay to rest attitudes by homo sapiens which result in beliefs of superiority of intellectual capabilities and tool making.
   5. Outlaw any speech,including jokes and commercials, which portray us as less evolved.
   6. (This one is desired, but not a mandatory act) We'd like to see terms which are currently considered synonyms with the word Neanderthal deemed politically incorrect.
   
   Those of you interested in becoming this exciting subset of civilization and given the go ahead to proudly use the #Neanderthal symbol (without being accused of cultural misappropriation) must be able to prove they currently carry 2% or more Neanderthal DNA.

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      wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      That those brutish, under evolved creatures have degraded the pure Australopithecine DNA of true and pure humans is no reason to give them anything at all.  Instead, they owe humanity rent for the land they occupied for thousands of years and for the degradation of our DNA.

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         Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         As someone with almost 4% Neanderthal DNA I find this to be extremely offensive. You should be thanking us for getting rid of all that back hair, man.

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            wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            You are the ones responsible for my freezing anywhere outside of the equatorial region.  No, you won't be thanked!

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               Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               There’s this really inventive garment called a jacket that you might wanna try sometime. Jacket > back hair. You’re welcome AGAIN, god, I’m doing you so many favours here.

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                  wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  

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         Live to Learnposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         How homo sapien of you. I assume you'd also like us to foot the bill for the removal of our DNA from your calorically efficient bodies.

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            wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            *what!*  There is none of that defective, degraded DNA in MY body! 
            
            But as it had to be rape, you should pay for to remove it from my kids.

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      ahorsebackposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Anyone who knows me knows that I fall into this category , I want among other entitlements , the one thing you failed to mention directly the affirmative action to allow me to progress equally into today's world  and reparations for the anglo war against me and my people  .

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         Live to Learnposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         I believe both points were addressed. Although I was lamented to discover some afterthoughts which should have been included.
         
         We'd like our own month declared. We demand all scientists and public figures past,and present, be tested for the percentage of Neanderthal DNA in order to prove our suspicion that it is our DNA which made all modern inventions possible.
         
         And, we'd like Google. All of it. And Facebook. We want to be able to manipulate you homo sapiens into moving faster on our demands.

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            ahorsebackposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Paid holiday ,  minted gold medallions or coins  , neanderthal tee shirt sayings , subway and bus advertising  and a march on Washington D.C. for our supporters , Can we go on" the view ' too please ?

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               Live to Learnposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               Great ideas. Those could definitely get the ball rolling. We could use our paid holiday to get together to brainstorm more demands.

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                  ahorsebackposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  You got it , lets roll !

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   mrpopoposted 6 years ago

   did something happen recently or is this spur-of-the-moment brilliance?

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      Live to Learnposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      It was just a joke but considering the current climate I think another could have posted it as a serious demand.

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         wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         I thought it was funny!

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            Live to Learnposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Me too. The funny thing is I found my demands completely reasonable when reading back through them.
            
            It's interesting how you can easily justify what others would deem extreme foolishness when you attempt to identify as the victim.

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               wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               Of course.  When one wants something for nothing anything that supports that is quite reasonable.  That's what made it funny!

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         mrpopoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         I mean this kind of fits the bill: http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/morneau … -1.4597878

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            Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            I don’t understand the point of forcing someone to apologize. It’s obviously not going to be genuine or sincere... so why do you want it?!
            
            Canadian politics can be hilariously childish sometimes. Remember Elbowgate?

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               mrpopoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               ain't that the truth. And wasn't there a similar Elbowgate with that whole Corey Lewandowski thing? It's all so petty.

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   mrpopoposted 6 years ago

   Wait, there's actually a Neanderthal controversy happening.
   
   How is this real?

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