Unbearable Ideas that MUST be Changed "Part 2".
The problems in the Algerian society have increased, careless people have been larger than any time before; and society is adding more salt to people's wounds. Women are suffering in silence, most men, with high educational degrees or without ,are drowning by walls, but no-one can help, children have been harshly deprived from most of their rights, a lot of new rules brightly appeared instead of Islamic right principles, and every single piece of the Algerian society is terrifically moving dizzily.
Spinsterhood has become a sign for mortification in the Algerian society. Some rural families refer to a girl who reaches twenty years old and has not got married yet as "bayra" ,which is a word used to describe a spinster. While other urban societies would call a girl like that when she is thirty years old and more . Spinsterhood is a bloody ghost which is making the lives of many girls in the Algerian society gloomy and so dark. The National Office for Statistics has shown that we have five millions women, who exceeded thirty five years old and have not got married yet. As a whole, the percentage of spinsters in Algeria is 11 millions, so it is a very high percentage compared to the total number of the Algerian population which is 36.3 millions. Eleven millions is the total number of the population of five Gulf countries put together. Here we may stop and wonder about those reasons that led to such a catastrophe.
Joblessness, exaggeration in putting dowries and expensive costs of marriages have been the sole reasons for spinsterhood. Even though Algeria is a rich country that embodies diverting natural resources such as oil, thousands of men still have no jobs .Therefore; with no permanent jobs, men are not able to even think of building a family, having children or constructing a small home to live in. Moreover, a lot of Algerian families usually impose some terrific conditions on the grooms' families like demanding different kinds of golden jewelries which must be brought specifically for their daughters, the brides. Such horrible conditions have become manacles for men and a source for their preference for loneliness rather than facing such shocking rules. Additionally, some Algerian families have created a different kind of competition among one another, they frequently fight to make extraordinary weddings which no one has ever made like them before, thus; it must be done in the most famous and expensive hall in the city, they have to take the most expensive jewelries to their brides, spend million dinars to prepare delicious dishes, invite millions of guests and most of all the groom has to think of spending the honey moon in a European or Asian country such as Turkey. Therefore; how comes that a jobless or a simple man can pay off such high amounts of money?
In addition to the previous mentioned reasons, men generally are more responsible for what happens to them so that when they face difficult circumstances mainly in their homes, they would be obliged to stop studying. Interestingly, it goes without saying that many boys do not like studying so they often stop going to schools in an early age. On the other hand, women go farther to finish higher degrees and here we notice a deep large gap between both genders. Accordingly, an educated girl is usually scared of getting married with a man who has a low educational level since, she thinks, he may deal with her violently and kills that sense of ambition and uniqueness inside her soul. Similarly, men frequently think that women with high educational level are arrogant and have a kind of sublimity and therefore living with them is something that is impossible. Furthermore, Algerian young men have a specific way of thinking since they think that chasing foreign women to get married with, even though they are old, is the right solutions that help them to get rid of their social and economic sufferings.
Spinsterhood has very dangerous effects on women who are considered "guilty beings" by society. Women are living in a miserable world with permanent guests which are depression, great despair and sadness, deprivation, frustration, and isolation. Shockingly, society is the only criminal for causing that hurtful pain to them even if they have done nothing, but undeniably it is their created fate. This point reminds me of my cousin who is thirty five years old but has not got married yet. She usually does not like going to wedding parties even those of her relatives , I was always wondering about those causes that led her to be that kind of isolated persons. Then she told me with great misery her story. She said ," the time I used to go to any wedding party, women start looking at me and whispering whenever they saw me! I do NOT feel comfortable at any party I go. One day , and while I was chatting with my friends , it was my cousin's wedding, I heard a group of women saying that I exceeded the right age of marriage and no-one would ever think to marry me. From that time on I decided not to go any wedding party". Consequently, this pressure that has been put on spinsters by society has led to another unacceptable problem which is the wide spread of witchcraft, unfortunately; the main investors are, not all, those spinsters.
Society usually blames those women cruelly, and points the finger at them as if they are culpable or it is by their hands that they are spinsters. After a deep fight and bottomless quarrels inside some spinsters' souls, they found that witches and juggling can do something to help them in order to divest themselves of such accusation and pressure. Therefore, that unique special trade, witchcraft, emerged, which is made exclusively for those spinsters, so they run into a dirty world in which they cannot breath easily and never see clearly, but hear fake wrong words concerning their future like, "you are going to get married after one month!" .
The wide spread of spinsterhood has quietly convinced most parents all over Algeria to marry their daughters in an early age and this led to another problematic which is early marriage. Parents refuse to have spinsters at home; thus, the only solution for that is getting those innocent immature daughters married .A new fashionable and modish idea has flourished recently that says men prefer to marry very young girls, starting from fourteen to nineteen years old. While those twenty years old women and more are like infertile soil that is of poor quality, unnecessary or not wanted. For that reason, most thirty to thirty seven years old men, who have married lately, are married with sixteen or seventeen years old girls. So Parents have not stop at pushing their daughters to hell, but most of them agree to marry their young daughters to old people, the time I describe them as "old" that does not mean a man of seventy years old, but compared to the girls' very young age; a man who is thirty five is very old.
Psychology puts strong emphasis on childhood period as it may affect the child's personality in the future, either positively or negatively. Childhood is generally composed of three stages, early childhood that stretches from two to six years old, middle childhood starts from seven years old to the adolescence period; and finally late childhood that continues from the adolescence to puberty age which is precisely fixed as eighteen years old. Here we notice that parents are not allowing their children to live this very important period and instead of encouraging them to enjoy every single moment happily with loud laughters, play outside, have friends and discover the world, they regularly invite them to homes with closed doors in which they would end up crying days and nights, having no idea about strong personalities, and would never be responsible. Parents are taking their children's happiness away, taking their rights of enjoying childhood and that will with no doubt affect them negatively, psychologically and behaviorally. Those children, , I may call them victims, would be less responsible as they are not mature enough , unable to raise their children in a good way as they themselves still need to be educated , and incapable to adjust with the new environment.
A lot of parents usually share different ideas such as the end of all girls is home or the only safe place for every girl is her husband home. So they generally do not allow their daughters studying to speed up their chances of getting married so early. Interestingly, there is another reason for stopping them studying and that some of the Algerian families do not agree to let their sons get married with girls who have studied at the university since, as those families usually say, girls who have lived far away from their family homes, at camps, should have done so bad things such as having indecent relationships with men, and therefore giving their daughters the opportunity to study at the university may reduce the probability of getting a groom. Additionally, some families do not permit their sons to marry working women. Here, I may say, that women's only job, in our masculine oriented society, is to do nothing but raise children and do all the home works. At this point, I may wonder, is this fair?
Early marriage has not been a good solution for spinsterhood as it created another dilemma which is Divorce. Most the divorce cases in the Algerian courts are those young generations, under eighteen years old. More significantly, statistics have shown that 10% of the Arabian divorced women are less than nineteen years old.
Women generally should not swallow their pride, but should fight for their dignity; feelings and that they are not soil on which men can tread while they are enjoying their moments. Millions of Algerian women have heard their husbands talking to their girlfriends by phone while they are sitting in their rooms, a lot of women saw their husbands with girls outside, uncountable number of women are suffering because their husbands do not get back home at night simply because they are attending parties in bars or houses of prostitution, doing dirty things and enjoying high degrees of filthiness.
We have an extra group of men who are making their wives' lives so miserable through treating them cruelly, and being violent in the way they deal with them. Furthermore, there is another kind of men who have weak personalities, which is an unacceptable genre of men for a lot of women. All of these are reasons for demanding divorce. Interestingly, the time one of those unhappy women asks for divorce; rejection would be the answer and no one can ever push that husband to give his consent to this request, however; the time he feels that he wants to divorce her; he would do it so easily.
Since there is, almost, no hope of getting those spouses together again under one roof and in the presence of men's rejection of setting women free by divorcing them, a solution had to be looked for. Therefore, a new law was passed in 2005 which is called '' Khula'' that is a woman's right to seek a divorce from her husband when he refuses to grant it to her. Years ago, thousands of women were dying in great despair, shouting in silence under the refusal of men who do not want to divorce them. Those men usually remarried, built new families and lived happily with their second family as if the first wives were not alive. Moreover, they wouldn't even give them money by which they can feed their children. More importantly, Society at that time was carelessly sleeping and holding placards saying "It's not my business!''. But later on the Khula has been a caring person by the side of women.
The Algerian courts are marking down unbelievable numbers of " divorces" and '' Khula" ,Fifteen thousand cases of Khula and sixty five thousand cases of divorce yearly.
Moderation and being balanced in every single aspect of life is what Islam convinces his followers to uphold all the time. Unfortunately, we are living in a society in which a large number of people do NOT represent Islam at all. Islam teaches us that dowry, for instance , has to be made effortlessly simple so that our prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him , once he said to his companion " Ali " , " Even if you have an iron ring, give it to woman as dowry ", (Elboukhari and Muslim). Even though the prophet's words are understandable, comprehensible and clear, but some Algerians have been artful in increasing dowries whenever possible, and become proudly boastful to put terrific dowries that simple people can never afford.
Witchcraft is another wrecking sinful phenomenon that has taken an observable place in our society lately. Islam is based on the belief that no one can ever know the future or have an idea about it except god so that Quran states that even the last prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him, does not know the unseen. God proves that in many verses in Quran such as ,"He (alone) knows the Unseen, nor does He make any one acquainted with His Mysteries"- (Surah Al-Jinn, 26).
We are going down so that we have to make people aware of this fact and convince them of the necessity of making change before regret bells alarm and at that time no one can make things better because EVERY aspect of society would be a symbol for blindness, darkness and decadence.