He Cheated On You! Now What?
An Open Wound
Getting cheated is like getting hit by a Mack Truck traveling 65 miles an hour coming out of nowhere. You never saw it coming and it crushes the hell out of you. You can never know how bad it hurts unless you have gotten cheated on yourself.
You love a person and everything as you know it is perfect in every way. All of a sudden you find out that the person, that you love so much and trust so much, has betrayed you by sleeping with another. OH THE HUMANITY!
You instantly feel a knife in your heart and a second one being driven deep into your back. The betrayal alone can leave you feeling sad and disgusted. You feel that your life is over, because you never saw yourself being hurt by him. Maybe someone else, but not him. "How could he do this to me?" You will ask this question over and over and over again. You will never get an answer, but it won't keep you from asking it. This will feel like an out of body experience, because of the sheer magnitude of the anger that is going through your brain, it may feel that violence is the only cure for your growing heartache. You want him to hurt just as bad he hurt you. But violence is not the way to go. You'll end up in jail with a broken heart and no bail money.
It takes a while to get over being cheated on, but you can't waddled in your sorrows forever. You have to grow some thicker skin, put on a tougher heart shield and get back out there. Chalk it up to a life experience. A really mean, low down and dirty life experience, but if you come out of it clean you have graduate with the scars to show it. You now know what to look out for and hopefully you will then know who to really let have your heart.
Signs That He's Cheating On You
Here are some tell-tell signs that your man might just be stepping out on you.
- He lies about where he's going and is never where he is supposed to be.
- He never answers his phone and when he's around you, he puts the ringer on vibrate. He never leaves his phone unattended around you.
- He's always on the go, but can never tell you where he's been.
- If he hops in the shower as soon as he gets home. He's washing off more the an sweat from a pickup game with friends.
- He is always on the defensive end when you ask him where he's been.
- He says that he is going to hang out with the guys, but when he leaves the house he is dressed to impressed. Now who is he looking and smelling good for?
Know Your Self Worth
He didn't cheat on you because you were less than a woman. He cheated because that's what some men do. Some men just can't remain monogamous no matter whom their with. You can ask the most beautiful woman in the world of she's ever been cheated on. I bet you she has. Your level of beauty is not what caused him to stray. His lack of control was the main contributing cause to his infidelity. He may tell you all the things that he felt was wrong with your relationship, but in reality he knows the truth. He's just trying to get away with being a dog. He cheated because he has issues not you.
How To Move On
Most will say, the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one. This can be a temporary fix, but the underlying hurt that you have can be transferred to another relationship. This can damage your new relationship before it's even had a chance. The reasons are because, you're not able to trust anybody right after being cheated on. Therefore your new relationships will be filled with arguments and stress.
You have to be able to trust again. Trust is not something you should give away like candy. Trust has to be earned. You give little with each day, never all at once. By sharing your trust little by little, it won't hurt so bad when someone breaks it, because you didn't trust them that much anyway. I personally trust no one but God and even he gets the seldom the side eye.
The best way to get over getting cheated on is to ultimately take your time and to get to know yourself before dating again. You have to be able to love yourself first, because a failed relationship can take away a lot of your self esteem. It can make you lose your self worth and put you into a deep depression. That's a lot of baggage to bring into a new relationship. You can't move on if you're always worried about when the new guy is going to cheat on you too. Get yourself together and allow a new relationship to grow into something beautiful.
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"You never saw it coming and it crushes the hell out of you"
Bottom line people blame themselves for the acts of their mate.
Deep down they felt they were "too smart" to choose someone who would cheat on them. So when it happens it crushes their ego.
Essentially they feel like a "fool" for falling in love with their mate and trusting/believing what they had was "special/ideal" to both of them.
They start to doubt their own judgment and some instances make bitter assumptions that all men or women are cheaters.
Ironically both men and women know people who really are honest, caring, reliable, and trustworthy but for whatever reason they decided to put them in the "friend zone".
Lots of people subscribe to the "follow your heart" philosophy.
They allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
I say never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.
Last but not least some people do accuse others of cheating on them when in fact they never discussed being exclusive!
Just because you fall into a routine of hooking up a few times a week or going out from time to time doesn't mean it's a "monogamous relationship".
Whenever people avoid having "the talk" they make "assumptions". Naturally the so called cheater will say: "We never said we're exclusive!"
If a game has no established rules it's impossible to cheat. Set some rules!
- AUTHOR
Miss T your situation is very similar to a situation that I was in with the first guy I ever lived with. It was easier for me to leave, because we weren't married and we didn't have any kids. When he cheated, it felt like he had ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. During this time I lost my job because I was too depressed to even get out of the bed. I tried to stay and forgive and forget, but that is really hard to do when you just want to punch him in the face and I did just that. Lol! I'm not telling you to do what I did, but you can forgive him, but trust me Miss T, you will never forget and that is okay. You are married to this man and I'm sure you depend on him financially, so I say if you are truly ready to leave him, save every penny you get from him and find you a place or move in with relatives. Once you move out, have a sit down with a divorce attorney and make sure you have proof of his infidelity. It's time for you to hold your head up high and get you a job, cause he knows that you are not going anywhere because you don't have a job, so he feels he can do what he want and you have no other choice but to stay and take it. Dry them tears baby girl, tomorrow is a new day and life is way too short for you to waste your precious time crying over, and loving someone who obviously don't love or care enough about you or your marriage to maintain trust and monogamy within it. I hope this helps.
Tarkishad I have been cheated and my husband told me he broke up with that girl three years ago and January I discover they are still together. I love him so much and trying to forgive and forget but I don't trust him and it seems like a lot was or still happening behind my back. I am not working so I stay home and wonder. How do I move on (sad)
Your article is interesting and entertaining. I always said i wouldn't end up in a situation like this one, but we never know where our paths will go. I take a lesson from every experience 1. It never comes out of nowhere (there are always these little signs- being too secretive.) 2. Why hold on sobbing, when there are so many things in life to be accomplished, lived, and seen out there to stay home crying over undeserving people.
- AUTHOR
Your are absolutely right Treasure. You should not invest your all in a person anyway, you should invest little by little in order to see if the investment will pay off. Thanks for the comment.
Tarkishat, I think when you give up too much of your life and time to a man, that's when it hurts so much. If you're giving more than you are getting that's a problem. Another life lesson learned!
Sorry, this piece made me laugh. I shouldn't, probably, because it is a serious theme. But you have written it with humor; certainly not self-pity. I see quite a few hubs on this theme nowadays, seems we're living in frivolous times. Anyway, it was my pleasure to answer your question: It popped up on my screen within minutes of you having posted it, and I happened to know the answer. Best of luck to you. W.E.
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