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show your hubby love

Updated on May 19, 2009

Love or Respect

Most women want & need love. Most men want & need respect.

A lot of people confuse the two. I feel it is more important for women to show respect, (honour) to men. Conversley, for men to show love to women. Speaking from a personal perspective, if I may, I prefer my wife to talk positively of me. Talk me "up" around others. Not belittle or ridicule me. (Though I know sometimes I desrve it!) She doesn't need to tell me daily, that she loves me. She shows it in so many ways. Some, which will remain our secret, are a real blessing to me. (No, it's not anything unmentionable!) They are little things which she does, that she really doesn't have to do.

Oh,all right, I'll give you just one example. She has made me my lunch, to take to work, almost every day, for the last 30yrs. NO other woman we know, among our friends, does that for their husband. Now, she is not expected to do it. Many times I have said, "no, don't bother" etc. but to this day she does it. Well, till a week ago. I now work at a place where lunch is part of the emplyee benefits!

I know she loves me, but what makes me most upset, is when she "puts me down" before others. Not if she does not tell me daily, " I love you" . But, for my part, I try and remember to tell her daily.

Another thing that has come out of several marriage enrichment courses we have done, has been, to discover our love languages. My love language is "verbal affirmation" and "physical touch". Her's is also "verbal affirmation", though different words are spoken, and "acts of service". What are they? Well, she really gets a lot of satisfaction out of doing things for othes, to show love. So, it works in reverse. She feels loved when others do (nice) things for her. This accounts for the "lunches". Therefore, for me to show her love, is to tell her, and "do" things for her.

But since this request was focused on musbands, I want to turn to the man next. The above example was a good illustration of what I want to convey. It is very important to find out what "hubby's" love language is, and then focus on meeting that need. This will automatically convey the love message to him. It's still nice to say the words, but it's secondary, (in my opinion).

If you have been critical of him, STOP! There are many things that men can put up with, but that is one at the top of the list! We men, do NOT like. That kind of thing that can be funny in a group environment, but it will not go down well with any man (I know). Criticizm will poison the relationship. Saying the words "I love you" afterwards will be pretyy meaningless. Besides, if you truly love him, why criticize him. Tell everyone what a great guy he is. List his best qualities. Make him (look) like the "catch of a lifetime". A man who has no equal. I tell you what. You do that for a little while and two things will happen.

  1. He may not be what you say he is (now), but in time he just might fill those shoes that you say about him.
  2. You just might talk yourself into seeing him in abetter light.

If you are interested in finding out about the love languages, follow the link below. It's free to take the quiz.

Hope your relationships work for you, and get better with time (and effort).


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    • Bizziebee profile image


      9 years ago from La La land, California

      Great stuff aka0dj! I also truly believe love and respect are the foundation of any relationship :) I will follow!

    • heart4theword profile image


      10 years ago from hub

      What about when your not being critical, but just sharing how you feel or how you see things...for some reason comes across as being critical? Appreciate you sharing from a Man's perspective? Great Hub!

    • aka-dj profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Australia

      Thank you Foxxfire. I'm pretty sure that if you keep that up, your marriage will last the distance! Something that is getting rarer and rarer. Blessings. :)

    • Foxxfire profile image


      10 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Nice hub. I make it a habit to think positive when we are in public. If he does something that bothers me, I wait until we are at home to discuss the situation. I don't ever ridicule him or talk badly about him in public. And he always praises me and talks only positive things about me at all times. He's a wonderful man! Thanks for that information. I like the site link.

    • aka-dj profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Australia

      It works for me. 30+ yrs married, and loving it.

    • MissE profile image


      10 years ago from Texas

      Great advice. I love the book love languages, but I don't seem to fit well in any of the categories! LOL! I love to meet people who are thriving and love being married. Thanks for the hub!

    • aka-dj profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Australia

      Thanks Brenda. I am really thrilled you are married to a gentleman. I wish you a terrific marriage. I am into my 31st. She's wonderful to me. :D

    • profile image

      \Brenda Scully 

      10 years ago

      I really enjoyed reading this.... my husband hates it when i put him down, so i try never to do it..... I have to say he never ever puts me down, he is a gentleman

    • aka-dj profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from Australia

      We are almost at the 30yr mark. We have been through a lot. Hopefully we learned a few things along the way. Perhaps this will be of value to help others with their relationships. All the best! :)

    • profile image

      Charmaine T 

      11 years ago

      Wow. I love this hub! I totally agree about having to praise him and never criticize him to your friends or family members. I must admit that I sometimes fall on that category, but I realized that it will just poison our marriage. Thank you very much! I learned a lot!


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