- Gender and Relationships
Ten Effective Ways of Dealing with Any Kind of Bully
Recently, there was a tragic incident in our neighbourhood, where a teenage boy hanged himself after succumbing to the pressures of bullying. This was a promising young man who looked set to have a bright and wonderful future and now we have lost another victim to bullying. This got me thinking a lot about this subject and the loss of this young man has driven me to write this article and hopefully prevent another person from doing the same.
All bullies have one thing in common. They are emotionally and mentally unstable. They suffer from deep anger, fear, resentment, low self esteem, a sense of worthlessness/emptiness and therefore they seek relief from this discomfort by inflicting their fears and insecurities on other people. Most bullies come from an abusive (verbal or physical) and undisciplined environment. Rather than dealing with their problems, they seek to dominate and harass other individuals as a way of reassuring their place in society. If you are being bullied and you don’t know where to turn or what to do, let me clue you in on how their minds work and how you can defeat them and keep them away from you.
Know Your Bully
The first thing you need to do is study your bully. Know who he/she is, their background, their family life, their friends, their favourite food, where they like to hang out, etc. Study them fully before your plan of action. Yes, you need a strategy because it is after all, a war and all wars require you know your enemy first before you set out to attack them and defend yourself. You cannot defeat a bully you don’t know. This may sound silly but victims that know their bullies are more likely to overcome and defeat them than those who don’t know them. If bullies are aware that you know everything about them, they are less likely to come after you.
Do Not Show Any Emotion
The one thing that every bully loves is a victim that shows their emotions. Whether you cry or get angry or smile, any reaction will give the bully access to torment you because they prey on your emotions. If you don’t react to their insults and intimidation no matter how much anguish and torment they bestow on you, at some point they will get bored of you and leave you alone. Do not be intimidate in anyway.
Dress the Part
One sure way of keeping bullies at bay is the way you dress and present yourself. Dress smartly but don’t overdo it. For instance don’t wear excessive make up, or look like a species that lives in a lab (geek/nerd) or outfits that just invite insults such as Goth clothing or slutty attire. Wear simple clothing that covers up preferably. Avoid wearing slogan t-shirts or multi-coloured clothes. Bullies look for anything to set their ground on for attacking you, so don’t try to copy outfits of fashion shows or TV characters. You hair should be neat too and not too extravagant with a million hairstyles. Be as natural as possible.
Are you currently bullied?
Cast Out Fear
Bullies are like bloodhounds. They can smell fear and once you excrete that scent, you are their magnet and play toy for life. Nothing gives a bully more pleasure than someone who is afraid. Never ever let a bully sense or smell your fear. Even if you are afraid, don’t show it. Stand firm and wear what I call “a lion’s face.” When you walk, don’t walk like a boneless chicken that is ready to be cooked. Walk like a bold lion ready to roar and pounce on any attacker. Don’t put on an angry face. There is a difference between an angry face and fearless face. If you need to practice how to have a fearless face, I suggest you watch a video of how lions operate. Lions are not the biggest or smartest of the animals but yet they rule the jungle because they have fearless faces and do not show any kind of weakness.
Hang Around People
Bullies often target nerdy and quiet folks that are constantly alone. Even if you don’t have friends, hang around public places where there are people. Don’t sit by yourself during lunch break. In the library, sit where most people are. At the park, sit where the majority of people are concentrated. Never go anywhere by yourself, find someone, anyone to hang around with, preferably with people that are not bully targets. Always be alert and aware. If you can’t make friends then talk to authority figures (teachers, counsellors, managers etc). Bullies always have people around them so it is critical that you have people around you too. Some bullies have the ability to separate you from the people you are with. Do not allow this to happen for any reason. Never distance yourself from people and if someone is trying to alienate you from people, then know you’re dealing with a bully. Bullies are like wolves. They come to you in sheep clothing and they slowly entice you and separate you from your fellow sheep and after that they devour you mercilessly. Avoid such people at all costs.
DID YOU KNOW?
An estimated 12,000 teens commit suicide every year due to the barbaric act of bullying.
Scientific research has shown that people who overcome bullying are twice as likely to have successive careers and a balanced family life than those that have never been bullied.
Bullies are actually afraid of you! They use intimidation and have mastered the art of portraying a false sense of a strong character.
Don’t Hide yourself
This is a common mistake most bully victims do. Hiding yourself gives ammunition to bullies. It lets them know you are afraid of them and that is when they will intensify their torment towards you. Show yourself and stand your ground. If your way home is the same way as the bully, then don’t try to use another way because the bully will discover it and wait for you there. Instead, find a group of people who use that way too and go home with them. Bottom line is do not avoid the bully. Do not let the bully dictate your everyday routine.
Take a Martial Arts Class
Martial Arts is not just about kicking butt. You learn the art of discipline and how to overcome any form of attack. Nowadays you don’t need to leave your home to learn martial arts. You can find millions of free video tutorials on YouTube. Study basic self defense techniques ( like Tai chi and Judo) so that you can defend yourself from any physical confrontation.
Be Calm & Be Silent
Nothing is more powerful than the weapon of silence (with a fearless face) to a bully. Silence to a bully means “You don’t own me. You don’t scare me. I can’t hear you. You are wasting your time.” This is why they get super agitated and intensify their abuse towards you in order for you to break and start screaming and wailing your emotions all over. Keep your cool and do not give them a reason to attack you. If a blue shirt ticks them off, then wear a white one. If you are on the opposite football team, then just play the game and avoid being snared by their cheating tactics.
Bullies often think they are smart but in reality, they are far from it which is why meditation is an advantage for you. It gives you the ability to easily pinpoint your bully’s weakness and use that against them. Meditation helps you to control your mind, your actions and teaches you how to be calm and not be afraid. It boosts your self confidence and you gain strength to stand up to bullies.
Keep Your Contact Details Private
In this day and age of social media madness, some people have become victims of cyber bullying. When you encounter a cyber bully, best thing for you to do is to shut down that account and open a new and private account and only add people you know very well and if one of your friends happens to be a friend of your bully, then don’t add that friend. Change your phone number if necessary and constantly change your password to avoid being hacked. If the bully knows where you live, then tell the people you live with that there’s a bully hounding you. Inform the police or a neighbourhood watch about this bully. Always alert someone of a presence of a bully in your life.
Remember, being a victim of bullying does not make you a loser. Don’t feel like you need to keep it all to yourself. If there is a bully hanging around you, tell someone about it. Don’t be proud or shy to admit a bully is after you. Once a bully knows you are constantly surrounded by people, then they have no backbone to bother you.