- Gender and Relationships
10 Healthy Ways to Deal With Valentine’s Day If You Have No Valentine
“V-day” can be one of the worst days of the year if you are single. It is a huge commercialised and advertised reminder that everyone else seems to be part of a couple.
It is also a reminder of that huge break-up, that tragic list of failed relationships, the untimely death of a partner or the ignominy of NEVER being asked out!
The following are a list of the strategies I used to get through more than twenty years of adult single life until I met someone to share my Valentine's day. All the strategies have some merit in that they change your focus for a few hours.
These strategies put you in charge as you plan your how you will spend your own V-time. The strategies represent a variety of approaches as different people have different needs. Moreover, different years may require a different remedy.
1. Ignore Valentine’s day.
“Valentine’s day? What Valentine’s day? When would that be again?”
If your denial skills are strong this can be a good option. Simply walk past all the stands of cards (they are commercialised anyway) and over-the-top jewellery displays with eyes on the path and get to the places you really want to go.
2. Pamper a family member.
While you have no date for the day, you may have other loved ones.
Single parents may have no social life in the dating department, but they do have their children to cuddle, give little gifts and cook a special meal.
Other singles may have parents who would appreciate a visit or elderly relatives whose day would be brightened by your presence.
3. Try out a new recipe.
Cook something special for yourself or your family even though you do not have a date.
I am suggesting using a new recipe because if it turns out well, you can add it to your repertoire and feel a sense of achievement.
If it does not turn out well, you can laugh and add it to the list of Valentine’s jinxes you have experienced over the years!
4. Start a new project.
This option is best implemented at least a week before V-day. If you are busy with your home renovation, building your do-it-yourself bookcase, putting in a fish pond or sewing the curtains for your bed-room your friends will understand you are way too occupied to bother about a date for Valentine’s day.
5. Go for a drive in the country.
A drive in the open air will help you get away from it all. You can turn your phone off and forget about calls from that pesky “ex” or anyone wondering why you have no date.
The open road and rural country-side are blissfully free from television advertisements about Valentines and you won’t see card stands or jewellery displays unless you stop and deliberately go into a shopping centre.
6. Plan a marathon of romantic viewing.
Not everyone is negative about love just because they do not currently know their soul mate. If you still enjoy the idea of love, purchase some nibbles, light a scented candle or spray on a liberal dab of perfume and watch all those movies where everything turns out impossibly well and love cannot possibly fail in the end!
7. Plan a horror movie marathon.
This option is for the person who has become negative about love due to repeated disappointments and many Valentine’s alone. Try to avoid spoiling your more fortunate friend’s Valentine’s celebrations by making bitter remarks and channel that negativity into a bit of thrilling viewing instead. You never know, you may find a few people willing to join you on the evening.
8. Spend the evening online.
I am not advocating becoming a turtle that hides in their shell while logged onto the internet for hours…but there is always something interesting to read online or someone logged onto the multiplayer online gaming sites. You can do some useful research, bid for something interesting in an online auction, reach the next level in your game or chat to someone in another country.
9. Buy yourself a small gift.
This smacks of retail therapy, which is why I have specified that the gift ought to be small. Just something to make yourself feel special because why should you miss out completely because you have no one to give you chocolates and flowers on the day? Giving your-self a gift is also different than going on a shopping spree. With a shopping spree you purchase a number of items (including bargains), take them home and put them straight in the wardrobe or cupboard. However, when you give yourself a gift, you select it carefully, take it home gift wrap it and keep it for the day in the same fashion you would a gift for another person.
10. Attract positive energy towards yourself for your romantic future.
This option is also for the person who has not become negative about love. You can spend the Valentine season creating positive affirmations for yourself and completing positive self-improvement exercises. For example, you may wish to list your good qualities and the reasons why you would make a good romantic partner. You may also wish to list the good qualities you would like to find in another person and sketch the type of relationship you would like. (Some words on your lists may include: honest, trusting, fun, equal, sharing etc.) This exercise is good psychology as it is drawn from Cognitive Therapy, or you may wish to get out your rose quartz crystals, light a pink candle and perform a little white wish magic…