10 Rules for Mending Your Broken Heart
Be Good to Yourself
It is part of life to have your heart broken at least once, that is if you are lucky. The reality is a broken heart will happen many times in life. Sometimes you will be the one dumped other times you will be the dumper.
There are lots and lots of books, videos, self-help gurus who will give you advice on how to mend your broken heart, but in the end, recovery from a broken heart and how long it takes is an individual thing. I do not claim to be an expert on how to mend your broken heart but I do claim to be an expert on how to take care of myself during the process.
Getting dumped is much like the death of a loved one. There are stages. First comes shock, that utter gut wrenching sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Even in the worst relationships where it was obvious to all that a break up was inevitable , a person can still suffer shock at the reality the end has finally come. Shock soon becomes denial, as in "oh he will come back, who else would put up with his constant toenail biting habit?" Of course reality sets in when you discover lots of women "love" your ex-man's quirky ways because lots of women will put up with anything to "just have a man". After all we out number men 4 to 1 so odds are in his favor of him finding another special someone before you have thrown out his left over pizza from the frig. (I do not mean for this hub to be gender slanted but since I am female thought I would just add that little statistic).
Denial is soon followed by anger. By anger I mean really pissed off anger. Some of that anger will be internalized. You may ask yourself "why did I put up with that kind of treatment?" Do not beat up on yourself. You might direct your anger at your Ex, that is normal but please do not act out. If you find yourself having murder-suicide thoughts, please, please seek help. Do not delay. Fantasies about getting even, having day dreams where you accidentally run into your Ex when you are looking your best, they are normal but never let evil thoughts of hurting your Ex turn into a real plan. Besides, murdering your Ex would take all the fun out of getting even. Why not get yourself in the best mental and physical shape to the point that your Ex wants you back and then dump them! It is true the best revenge is living well!
Finally comes the sweet relief of acceptance and moving on. That is such a glorious feeling and usually it comes with falling in love again--this time with the right person.
Having gone through a broken heart a few times in life, I have come up with ways to be good to myself while I am sick and on the mend. Yes, having a broken heart is being sick. You are just as sick and incapable for functioning your best with a broken heart as you are with the flu. Unfortunately a broken heart takes longer than a 24 hour bug to get over.
10 Ways to be Good to Yourself while your Broken Heart is Healing:
1. First rule and I mean NEVER EVER break this one: No alcohol at all. Never. Resist that urge to grab the Chardonnay Too many glasses of wine and you turn into tipsy texting, drunk dialing or posting on his Facebook page photographs of the two of you in happier times. When you awake from your drunken stupor you will feel ten times worse and so much more the loser.
2. Walk around your home and remove all items that remind you of your Ex. Do not discard them, at least not yet. Just remove the items so you do not have to look at them and be reminded.
3. Do not make any major changes at this time. You are not thinking clearly. Do not change jobs, homes, friends. Try to keep your life as normal and familiar as possible because that offers security in an insecure time.
4. Think about what you liked to do before your Ex came into your life, especially those things that you had to stop doing because your Ex did not like to do them. If it was a friend your Ex did not like, go see that person, try to renew your friendship. If it is physical activity, go do it, do lots of it. Physical activity will help with your depression plus has an added benefit of getting you in shape.
5. Cry, yell, scream-YES...feel better? I know I do. Find a place where you can do all three out of the ears of neighbors or they will call the cops thinking you are being mugged.
6. Write. Write a letter to your Ex but do not mail it. Do keep the letter so you and your new love can read it and laugh about what an A-hole your Ex was. Keeping a journal is an excellent way to figure out what went wrong, what you want in a relationship and where you will make changes.
7. See your friends more. Friends are the best medicine. Women typically have the best in friends to help them over a heart break but I am seeing a lot of very compassionate men who listen to their guy pals when they are suffering.
8. Remember all those items you removed from your home that reminded you of your Ex? On really difficult days or nights, take the items out. Look them over and think back. Then throw them all into a pile, in a safe place with a bucket of water handy and take a match to them. As you watch them burn, say out loud " I am done with your sorry ass!" Be sure to put the flame out and never leave it unattended!
9. You will find you have plenty of extra time on your hands now that your relationship is over. It is amazing how much time is wasted arguing, plotting, worrying about what your significant other is doing when they are out of sight. Take that extra time and do something for yourself. Take a class, do something your Ex would never have done with you. Pamper yourself. Watch a movie in the afternoon, take a nap, go for a swim. Whatever you do with your free time, enjoy it as it will make up for the years of wasted time you spent with your Ex that you will never get back.
10. Be happy with who you are. Turn off the voice of your Ex and all their negative messages. This is the best thing you can do for yourself: believe in you. Your heart will heal. Love will find you again. I believe there is someone for everyone in this World. I believe this because I found my forever husband 14 years ago this Labor Day Weekend 1998!