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10 Things to Keep Him Around (Part 1)

Updated on July 29, 2018
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Jessica has been in her relationship for 6 years and has overcome many hardships to keep her relationship alive.

Covering:

Part 1

1. Active listening
2. Honesty
3. The love factor
4. Flattering
5. Sex

Part 2

6. Communication
7. Hobbies
8. Interests
9. Responsibility
10. Going out of your way

8 Steps to Active Listeing

1.) Strive to learn something from the conversation

2.) Stop talking and listen

3.) Ask questions that guide the conversation

4.) Understand the details

5.) Ask questions to clarify your understanding

6.) Give positive feedback

7.) Pay attention to body language

8.) Respond with respect and understanding

1. Active Listening

1.) Strive to learn something from the conversation: If you are striving to learn what is bothering or upsetting your partner than you will be more engaged in the conversation and pay attention to what your partner is explaining.

2.) Stop talking and listen: The key to this is to listen. Don't be waiting for your turn to speak, don't be thinking how you are going to respond. Just listen, really listen. Ask questions, get detailed information, guide the conversation but more importantly listen to what your partner is telling you.

3.) Ask questions to guide the conversation: Ask open ended questions. For example: How did you feel about that? What made that not okay? Did you learn anything from the experience? What did you take away from this in the end?

4.) Understand the details: Ask questions when you don't understand the details. Paying attention to detail is important to make your spouse feel heard and understood.

5.) Ask questions to clarify your understanding: Ask engaging questions to clarify your understanding. For example: If I understand what you are saying then... mention the details you have payed attention to and summarize what they have explained thus far.

6.) Give positive feedback: You want to encourage your partner to talk to you, to vent to you about their stress and to come to you with problems. Make sure to give them a reason to. For example: I think you explained this point very clearly and think this needs to addressed. This is both positive and a guide to the conversation.

7.) Pay attention to body language: A lot of times partners will vent to us about things going on in their life when the real message has a lot to do with emotion than they are letting on. Pay attention to body language while they are explaining their points and while you are responding. This will give you direction on where to take the conversation.

8.) Respond with respect and understanding: Respect and understanding is what people seek in their lives. Respect the issues of your partner and don't belittle them. Respond with understanding on where they are coming from and what they are going through.

Definition of Honesty

truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness; freedom from deceit or fraud.

2. The Importance of Honesty

Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect all the time. Admitting to these mistakes and owning up to ones actions completely can help move a relationship forward. Most of us learned a lesson in honesty when we were still children, before ever entering into a relationship but some of us still struggle with being totally honest all the time. I know I do. Lying makes things a thousand times worse in the end. When, not if, but when, a partner finds out details that have been left out, lied about or hidden, that makes it a thousand times worse than being totally honest and facing the wrath of your partner the first time around. It may be hard at times and you may be afraid of losing your partner if you mess up really badly and have to give them the hard facts of your mistake, but in the end they will respect you for telling them the truth and the whole truth. This will help you move forward, instead of slowly inching backwards as details get revealed.

You can't blame gravity for falling in love

— Albert Einstein

4. The Love Factor

Love morphs and changes throughout a relationship. The first year is full of butterflies, you can't get enough of being around your partner and spending every waking moment with them is completely normal. As relationships grow and progress love morphs into a quite, compassionate understanding and develops into something far greater, in my personal opinion. Don't be scared of this transition. If anything embrace it. For this is what love truly is and was meant to be. It may not be fireworks and butterflies all the time but it is something far stronger and less fleeting.

Interesting Fact

Cuddling and holding hands with your partner will relieve pain and reduce stress. Even looking at a picture of your partner will reduce pain.

5. Flattering

Complimenting your partner and actively engaging in their self esteem is an important part of a relationship. Here are a couple of compliments that I have found really boost your partners self esteem and encourage them to actively engage in yours.

1.) I feel safe with you: This gives your partner a sense of empowerment. They are here to protect you and the fact that you feel safe with them will encourage them to take extra steps to make sure that you are safe.

2.) I love your style: I believe this is one of the best compliments you can give a person, let alone your partner. By encouraging someone's unique sense of style you are encouraging them to be themselves. Everyone has a sense of style about them that they have honed over the years to express who they really are. Complimenting this can encourage a persons self esteem in a positive way.

3.) You look great today: Encouraging your partner about their looks can help give them a pep in their step! Everyone wants to be complimented on how they look and encouraging your partner can help them go through their day with confidence.

4.) You did a really good job there: Complimenting their work ethic can help boost your partners self esteem. When a job goes unacknowledged it is likely that job will not be attempted again usually because their work doesn't seem appreciated. Appreciating your partners efforts will encourage them to strive to do more and get more done.

5.) I love that about you: Pinpointing something that you love about your partner and complimenting it can help encourage that aspect of their personality. It causes them to take pride in something and giving positive enforcement really helps them feel safe and secure in their own skin.

5. Sex

Sex is a hard thing for me to talk about. It makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure but the truth of the matter is, that even I have to talk about sex with my partner. Sex is an important part of a relationship, it helps relieve stress, tension and pent up aggression even when that aggression, stress and tension has nothing to do with that partner but has to do with the stress of daily life. After being in a long relationship sometimes sex can become boring or simply unsatisfying. This is a major hurtle a lot of couples deal with. Now is the time to explore one another fantasies. We all have that one aspect of our sexual nature that we have never delved into and when you have been with your partner for a long time and are comfortable with that person, sexual fantasies can then be explored. Asking subtle questions you help can derive what your partner likes and dislikes. Surprising a partner with some new sexy outfit can a lot of times flare up a sex life. Stepping out of your comfort zone can also help, like going to a sex shop to explore different toys, outfits and secret enjoyments can help open a whole new world of sexual fun.

© 2018 Jessica Jade Robinson

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