- Gender and Relationships
10 Ways to Keep The "Green Eyed Monster" Out of Your Relationship
Life is good
You find the perfect girl or boy and are you ever happy. You are so happy that there is no acceptable definition as to just how happy you are at finding the perfect girl or boy to make your life complete. A lot of your close friends are so worried about you being so happy that they begin to talk about you (in a good way) behind your back saying things like: "our buddy, Tim is so happy I am afraid that he is headed for therapy," and other things.
At first, his or her behavior when out on a date is fun. You are holding hands, winking, smiling at each other almost every minute. You meet friends, you both speak, and things are very nice. You are even beginning to think that "this" is what life is really all about -- being with "that" perfect mate.
Then, for some mysterious reason, it happens as it does to every loving couple. You and her or him are sitting in an eatery that you both have said is "your restaurant" having a grand old time and suddenly up walks a great looking guy named "Biff Grandson," who could easily be a model for GQ without trying. You nod to be friendly, but your mate lights up like a new lighthouse. Her eyes twinkle enough to ignite the old standard, "How Would You Like to Swing on a Star," and she is like an ant on a hot rock with excitement.
Enter The "Green Eyed Monster" with the words
"Honey, this is 'Biff Grandson,' an old college friend of mine. 'Biff,' this is, uhhh, giggle, 'Tom Dinkle,' a dear friend of mine." You shake hands with this Greek god in 2017 who is dressed in a $3500-dollar suit and shoes to match. But "Biff" halfway acknowledges your presence and invites himself to sit down without you or your perfect girl asking him. What a jerk, you think to yourself.
For the next hour and a half, you are left out in the cold. Not "Biff" or your girlfriend bother to speak to you or include you in any of their conversation. To make things worse, "Biff" sits between you and your girlfriend with his back to you so he can enjoy how gorgeous your girlfriend really is.
And there are those annoying inside jokes and phrases that only these two understand. They laugh, talk quietly while you eat as quietly as possible in hopes that soon, you will be included. But your hopes are soon up in smoke.
Then your girlfriend "throws gasoline on the flame" already burning inside of you by saying, "Tom, uhh, poor 'Biff" is in town only tonight, and I, uhhh, was thinking that, maybe he could join us at my apartment and the three of us can play Scrabble or just listen to music. What do you say?" Friend, you are in an impossible position. What can you say but yeah, let's spend the rest of our great evening with "your" buddy "Biff."
Later in her apartment
things get even worse for you. Oh, in the first five minutes when you three arrive, she in an obligatory gesture, offers you wine and invites you to sit down on the sofa where "Biff" also with wine sits between you and your girlfriend with his back turned to you. It's a replay of how he and she acted in the restaurant except more embarrassing to you.
You are completely shut-out of all conversation. You try to not make scene and turn on her television, but "Biff" who has perfect motor skills, reaches (without looking) to get the remote and turns off the television without as much as an excuse me. You are about to that point of having enough.
Then you have an idea. You will say, "well, think I will call it an evening and head home" to see if your girlfriend might hear you and give you at least a few seconds of her attention, but here is what happens.
Your clear your throat. Then say, "well, think I will call it an evening and head home." "Drive carefully," she says without even looking at you for being captivated by "Biff" her old college buddy. You even stand for a good ten minutes at her door hoping that she will notice and see you out even for manners sake. Not. You are now an outcast. A victim of "The Green Eyed Monster," a flame of jealousy that almost makes you crazy with rage, but you cool off during the drive home and try to convince yourself that this "Biff" character was once a close friend and your girlfriend is only being nice to him. Maybe he saved her life once and she hasn't told you about it.
Yeah, "The Green Eyed Monster" has moved into your once-happy relationship with a perfect girl. But whether or not, you and the perfect girl stay together, you can fall back on the tips below to help keep the "Green Eyed Monster" out of your relationship.
Guys, "we" are guilty of the action in the above photo
when we, and it can be an innocent gesture sometimes, talk to another woman while we are on a date with our girlfriend or wife. The other woman may just want to know directions to some shop in the city or even a garage, so ladies, remember, give your boyfriend or husband the benefit of the doubt . . .the first time.
- Looks: on your face can say a lot. When this "Biff' character sidled up to your table, you should have went out of your way to make him feel welcome. Shake hands with him, invite him to sit down and just be "Mr. Personality." In short, use the "First Strike Offense" not giving "Biff" a foothold inside your relationship.
- Asking questions: to the "Biff's" who your girlfriend did not tell you about is key to keeping "The Green Eyed Monster" safely away from your relationship. And by asking a lot of questions, "Biff," who is by all indications, a narcissist, loves to speak about himself, will turn your girlfriend off when he rambles on and on about his successes, victories and travels.
- Paying attention: to your girlfriend (or boyfriend) at all times will pay huge dividends. If you see her or him talking to a stranger, politely walk up and just ask, "sweetie, who is this?" You will not offend her or the stranger. And by asking, you are establishing your territory as her boyfriend and using "sweetie" will enforce that action perfectly.
- Answering his or her questions: then and there will help your relationship grow stronger. If your girlfriend were to ask, "baby bunny, who was that pretty girl who smiled at you?" You smile and reply, "Oh, she is 'Nancy Gills' a girl that I went to high school with. And no, we never dated." This gesture will show your girlfriend that you are not hiding anything or anyone who would be a threat to her.
- Honesty: when you feel "The Green Eyed Monster" about to bite you, just humbly say, "sweetie, do I have to worry about that guy with his hand in your hand or not?" If your girlfriend has any integrity and moral compass, she will laugh and put your worries to rest.
- Listening: to your girl (or boy) friend is very important. If you have humbly asked her about her relationship with "Biff" then give her time to give you an answer. Do not assume anything. "Biff" just might be a friend of her family, not an ex-lover, so do not allow your imagination to be infected by "The Green Eyed Monster." And even if her and "Biff" are ex-lovers, so what? She is with you now. Not him. Focus on that and work hard at keeping it that way.
- Never: belittle, slur, or degrade a person from your girlfriend's past. This only shows your immaturity and how childish you can be. When the "Biff" or whatever the so and so's name is starts blowing off hot air about all of the great accomplishments he has enjoyed, use phrases like: "Wow!" "Amazing!" "Exciting, right honey?" and "Tell us more." The longer you keep him talking is less time you will spend being eaten up inside. And want to know something wild? You and "Biff" could be good friends in the end.
- Be humble: "if" "Biff" or whatever the old friend from your girlfriend's past should ask you, even to just be nice, what it is you do for a living, reply in terms like: "Oh, I, uhhh, do not do anything as exciting or challenging as you, but I get by." You have been honest and not arrogant.
- Look humble: when listening to your girlfriend's former lover or close friend. An old Oriental states that "an humble spirit is not easily defeated by tools of pride." Do not sit with your head up in the air, but rather look down as a sign of humbleness. Even take his plate back to the kitchen for him when he has finished eating. And remain humble if he is a smart alec and says, "Babe, you have a great house boy there." Remember this. It will pay you later on.
- Suggest: to your girlfriend and "Biff" that the two of them need to go out on the town and you will stay home thus giving them valuable time to catch up. But not only is this a very selfless gesture, it is lethal when it comes to defeating "The Green Eyed Monster" for your girlfriend has seen how your armor shines in stepping aside for her sake and her conscience will not let her give in to his boisterous way of talking.
Thanks for reading my hubs.
And good night, Opelika, Alabama.
© 2017 Kenneth Avery