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10 (of the) Dumbest Things Guys Do To Attract Girls

Updated on July 4, 2012

Exposing one's bare chest to girls

YOU DON'T KNOW CAN BE CONSIDERED A THING THAT LOSERS DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW CAN BE CONSIDERED A THING THAT LOSERS DO.

MORE MEN WITH STRANGE WAYS TO ATTRACT GIRLS

"Gee, that girl really looked at me twice."
"Gee, that girl really looked at me twice."
"Wha . . .what, me, getting a date for tonight? Wow!"
"Wha . . .what, me, getting a date for tonight? Wow!"
The cock-sure and loaded-with-confidence routine.
The cock-sure and loaded-with-confidence routine.
"I wonder if my nose is shining due to my thick glasses?"
"I wonder if my nose is shining due to my thick glasses?"
An humble spirit is nice, but not always a great way to meet girls.
An humble spirit is nice, but not always a great way to meet girls.
Ahh, the "Low Rider" attempt to show girls you are cool.
Ahh, the "Low Rider" attempt to show girls you are cool.
The "Fake Professor" Routine.
The "Fake Professor" Routine.

School is in session, class. Today we are going to try to learn how to distinguish the difference between a good-hearted "loser," and a real, down-right, "dumb" guy. Believe me. There are differences.


Good-hearted "losers" never harm anyone, but maybe themselves when they are laughed-to-scorn at the foolish things they say and do. Actually, and in all honestly, I had rather hang-out with six good-hearted losers than two real, down-right, "dumb" guys. I will tell you why.


Good-hearted "losers" will not cause me any harm at all. But real, down-right, "dumb" guys have the potential to do some damage to me and themselves just by not knowing how really dumb the things they do look to the public. And let me reference this by saying that the real, down-right, "dumb" guys I mean are those with huge amounts of male bravado mixed with a male pride that could move Mt. Everest. These guys, I tell you, "are" socially-lethal. And that is how "these" guys can harm you.


EXAMPLE: let's say that you and your hot girlfriend are in a restaurant having a fine meal, when in walks three real, down-right "dumb" guys who are out to get some pretty girl's attention. Suddenly they spot "your" girl. Then the "circus is in town" with all of the "dumb" guys' antics, shenanigans and foolish-attempts to get her attention. Then like a wizard waving his magic wand, your hot girlfriend thinks that "you" know these "dumb" guys and quickly-misjudges you for one of them. Then leaves in a huff. See how lethal these "dumb" guys can really be?


At this time, I will give you a bathroom break or time to get a cup of coffee or Sprite and relax, for we might be on this subject for awhile.


So glad that most of you came back. I am pleased at your eagerness to learn how to spot "The 10 (of the) Dumbest Things That Guys Do To Attract Girls," for by learning how to identify these guys could save you and your friends some humiliation or maybe your life if the "dumb" stunts these "dumb guys" are pulling should get out of hand.
Out and out, really "Dumb" things like . . .


1.) BREAKING PIECES OF LUMBER on their heads (2 x 4's) to show a pretty girl just how tough they are. These "dumb" guys really think that a girl in 2012 cannot take care of herself. They, the "dumb" guys, are stuck with the "I Love Lucy" reruns from the 60's and cannot cope with a true strong woman.


2.) CHALLENGING a rabid stray mutt foaming at the mouth or a Rattlesnake who has lost its way from the forest to the city, to a hand-to-hand, or hand-to-mouth fight. "Yeah, Jennie Sue. This (rabid dog or Rattler) is no match for my hands of steel," brags the "dumb" guy who ends up in the emergency room while Jennie Sue and her girlfriends are at "Happy Jack's Burgers and Beer," in the girl's room laughing themselves into tears over this jerk who thought that if he, the "dumb" guy handled the (rabid dog or Rattler) for her, he would score major "sympathy points," and get a date with Jennie Sue. Nope. He was only out $100.00 for medicines and shots.


3.) BOILED-EGG EATING CONTESTS with other "dumb" buys while the really hot and sexy girls look on. I analyze this one as purely stupid, but it serves a purpose too. Even hot, sexy girls need some wholesome entertainment and what best fills that need than two "dumb" guys grinning at each other with mouths stuffed with boiled eggs and growing nauseated by the minute? Hard to beat, (no pun intended), these boiled egg challenges.


4.) ARM WRESTLING with volunteers from the crowd. You see, the real, down-right "dumb" guys are really not that dumb. No sir. In this case, they "case" the crowd and see that only weaklings of guys make up the crowd. Who else will a "dumb" guy call for a hot arm wrestling match, a 290-pound, All American linebacker? No, a weaker guy that spells instant win for the "dumb" guy making the challenge. You see, the arm wrestler "dumb" guy has read and bought the old Charles Atlas Muscle Building Course and he now thinks he is made of lead. Not so. The "dumb" guy makes a visual error and picks a "real" weight-lifter who humiliates him to bad even the EMT's cannot work for laughing at the "dumb" guy who is now tied in knots like a pretzel.


5.) SURVIVAL TESTS oh, this one is really, really for "dumb" guys. Someone, probably a practical joker, told the "dumb" guys that girls are impressed with guys who can "stick it out," and "suck it up," and survive for days in the wilderness without food, water, shelter or compass. Guess what? They aren't. They are though, somewhat sorry for the "dumb" guy who was rescued by a sensible forest ranger who found the "dumb" guy trying to eat a beaver's skull that he found along the river bank. Poor "dumb" guys. Will they ever learn?


6.) BEER-DRINKING CHALLENGES are not for "dumb" guys. They never win these contests designed to make hot, single girls swoon with desire. (Even that doesn't make much sense. Why would a hot, single girl want to "be with" a drunken idiot who has gotten drunk and stupid on purpose?) The pro-drinker always beats the "dumb" guy bottle top down.


7.) THE WILLIAM TELL GAME is really a dangerous challenge for even a smart guy. But the "dumb" guys think too that hot, single girls love a man who isn't afraid of a little danger, so he dares another "dumb" guy to shoot a peach off his head with a .22 rifle at 250 yards. The "dumb" guy holding the peach didn't bother to ask if the "dumb" guy with the .22 rifle wore glasses or not. And this challenge always ends badly for all the "dumb" guys involved. And another group of hot, single girls who are walking away with their intelligent men friends and laughing loudly at these "dumb" guys behind their backs.


8.) ENDURANCE TESTS are too, a defeat waiting to happen for "dumb" guys who are starved for a pretty girl's attention. "Hey, Jennifer Jolene, watch me hold my bare hand over this candle," yells a "dumb" guy to the sultry, hot Jennifer Jolene, head cheerleader. After about seven minutes, the "dumb" guy's hand is burned badly and has to have medical attention, which is the "only" attention he will get for that evening. Who did Jennifer Jolene end up with? The hot, athletically-built medical attendant who just happened to be on duty when the 9-1-1 call came in. "Hey, 9-1-1, this is, uhhh, Barney Bill Corbin, at the quad on campus . . .there's this dumb guy, my buddy, Jeb Stump, who's burning his hand up on a candle for no reason." The rest, like they say, is Jennifer Jolene's entry into her diary.


9.) SELF-DEFENSE FEATS I wish held some hope for "dumb" guys who want to get with a pretty girl. But not to be. A typical self-defense feat might begin with, say, a "dumb" guy named, "Oakley Dewberry," who is in decent shape and "dares" Chip Woodson, the college shot-put champ to hit him in the stomach as hard as possible. While the hot, pretty girls watch. You know how this ends. Chip, out of pity, "pulls" his hard punch and still sends "Oakley," reeling and wobbling to the ground. Out cold. And no pretty girl ever runs out the crowd and cries, "that's nerve if you ask me. I want you, Oakley," because no hot, pretty girl is this dumb to be linked with a "dumb" guy like "Oakley," for she needs her social status which will look good on her college resume.


10.) FOOT RACES are sometimes, to be honest, a "dumb" guy's only hope. The "dumb" guy makes the challenge to an average guy, not a college track star and they are off. The only thing that would hamper a "dumb" guy from winning is not getting lost as the track winds around curves, buildings, wooded areas and even through the nearby town. If the "dumb" guy has one ounce of good sense, and a good set of legs, he might impress one pretty girl with his speed and endurance, but that in itself, is a long shot.

There are more than 10 dumb things that "dumb" guys do to impress girls. Way more. But you see, I do not have the nerve to go any further.

I cannot bring myself to "kick someone while they are down."

DO YOU PITY THIS MAN?

I DO. NO ONE ACTUALLY DANCES IN THEIR SOCKS.
I DO. NO ONE ACTUALLY DANCES IN THEIR SOCKS.

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    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Great hub Kenneth, again had me smiling the entire time! I enjoyed number one the best. I can just picture men breaking lumber in my mind, too funny! :) Voted up and more, and sharing! Keep up the great work!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Totally enjoyed this and made me recall some truly awful dates I had in the past. Mthanks for giving me a good chuckle though. Voting up and sharing too.

    • laurenewcomb profile image

      laurenewcomb 4 years ago from California

      Lol, I just noticed that all the men in your pictures have glasses on :)

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Lol!! Very funny Avery, definitely a unique hub. :)

      -Aubrey

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

      Hahaha...as usual, I got my laugh for the day...thanks!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      You always make me smile! The sad part is we all know guys like that...your ideas, however, nicely exaggerate the extent to which the 'dumb' guys will go in public, at least I think it's an exaggeration or should I say poetic license, or should I hide because its true?

      Voted up and funny.

    • profile image

      Kennethavery2 4 years ago

      Hi, Josh,

      thank you, man, for the kind words. And votes. "Appreciate it" (my personal salute to Andy Griffith--his catch-phrase.)

      I find, errr, I found rather, that 1 x 4's are easier on the skull.

      Kenneth

    • profile image

      Kennethavery2 4 years ago

      Hi, Janine,

      I am glad that you enjoyed this hub. And "some" of these things guys really did in the past to get a girl's attention.

      Ive been told.

      Kenneth

    • profile image

      Kennethavery2 4 years ago

      Hello, laure,

      doggoned if you aren't right. I guess I need to have a summit meeting with my Art Dept. on Monday. Heads may roll. PhotoShops may be disabled. Thanks for the catch. And reading this hub.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      CrazedNovelist,

      Thank you kindly, my friend. I do my best to make my followers laugh and have a good time. It sure beats crying.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Catgypsy,

      I am so glad. You made my day. If you are happy, and my followers are happy, then I have no reason NOT to be happy.

      Kenneth and Festus

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, tillson,

      thank you, dear friend, for that warm remark. Okay. I admit it. I was one of these guys, but never broke lumber over my head. I wore too much "Code 10" hair cream on my hair in 1968 while in the 8th grade. Too much so that it began to melt under the lights in my school rooms and ran down my neck. I was laughed at. A lot. But I lived. My fault. I knew then that God might have been calling me into stand-up comedy.

      IT IS POSSIBLE.

      Kenneth

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Kenneth,

      I took the bathroom break before I started reading because I didn't want to have an accident caused by hearty laughter.

      Love the name Jeb Stump. ROFL

      Voted up up and away!

      I hope you and Festus are having a good evening. :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      This hub made me laugh. The pictures are very funny especially the first one. That's exactly what single, hot girls do.. Laugh behind the man's back when they walk way exposing their chest. Lol. Sometimes men do all sorts of outrageous things to get a woman's attention. Voted up funny!

    • profile image

      Debra Emerson 4 years ago

      A very funny hub. I love to read your hubs.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Susan,

      Good idea. The bathroom break. "Be prepared," applies to the Boy Scouts and my hubs. Thanks for your supportive words, Susan. I mean that seriously. And thanks too for your friendship, follow and votes. Now you may resume normal daily living activities.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello and Hope your day is going good, Lovedoctor,

      Thank you so much for your sweet comments. I have been laughed at by girls in my time, but NOT for breaking lumber over my head to impress them. Or swallowing live catfish. Rats, I should have included this one!!!! You are one terrific friend, follower, and writer, LD. Keep up the good work and visit with me anytime.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Debra,

      Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it so much.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ Susan,

      Sorry, I got ahead of myself . . .Festus says hi to you. And Jeb as well. And talk about coincidences, Jeb is a cabbie from Brooklyn. Do I hear violins playing???

      Kenneth

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