10 (or More) Things a Man Should Never Ask a Woman

Women are terrific

(NOTE: I know that you are weary of my hubs that are women-related. Right, guys? Well, I can be flexible. I can be compromising. So with this explanation, I present to you the last women-based hub for a while. I just had to get this one published so I would have a clear conscience. Thank you all. Kenneth).

Women, don’t us guys love them. I will not lie. Yes! I believe I have proven this point clearly and without any doubt. In fact, I praise God Jehovah for creating women, which was one of His finest works. I am not being cute, but very truthful.

If I wanted to, and I am not boasting, I could write and excessively-lengthy hub about the characteristics, attributes and all of the things I, and all men, love about females, but out of respect for the HubPages editors and the (much-appreciated) women friends/followers I have been blessed with on HubPages, I am going to present a moderately-worded piece so everyone connected to my life will be happy. (Such a nice way to “butter-up” the editors of HubPages to get this hub chosen as Hub of The Week).

Thank you, Father, for women

I mentioned God in this story as well as a lot of my stories, for I mean to give Him the respect that He deserves. But to be honest, when He made me, he did not give me the bravery of Daniel Boone, King David of Israel, or even Bruce Wayne a/k/a, Batman. I used to beat myself up for my lack of courage* but not anymore. I am learning to accept “me” for what and whom I am.

Is this an easy task? Are you kidding me? No, it is not. This world is no place for men such as myself—living with no courage, bravery and afraid of our very shadows. Men, let me ask you, “Would you like to live like this?” I do not think so.

Oh, how I admire members of Seal Team Six, the brave guys who took care of the international murderer, Osama bin Ladin, whose demented thinking took out over 3,000 innocent souls on Sept. 12, 2001, at 8:45 a.m. (EDT). Do you think for one moment that I could survive the rigorous SEAL training, much less being a member of this truly-elite SEAL team, SealTeam Six, which is respectfully-called, “The Best of The Best?” No. A thousand times, no.

I have always been fearful

Even as a boy growing up in rural northwest Alabama, having to depend on someone older to always fix my used bicycle when the chain would pop-off or go to school to talk to my first-grade teacher, Mrs. Gertrude Ballard about some older boys beating me like a drunken sailor who had lost his temper. Yes, that pretty much explains why I have so many scars on my soul as well as the dark memories of those frightful days.

Do you want to hear an embarrassing confession, one that I have never shared with you? Okay. I recall one Christmas when I was seven, that my aunt Etta, one of my dad’s sisters, a very nice lady, so soft-spoken, asked me in my grandparents’ house, “Are you ready for Santa Clause, Kenny?”

“Who?” I cried. Literally. “Santa. You know, Kenny, the fat man with a red coat who sneaks down the chimney each Christmas Eve and leaves us pretty presents?” She explained and the more she explained the louder I bellowed, which caught the attention of my dad and mom who were in the living room. They ran to where I was cleaving to Aunt Etta shaking like a leaf in a breezed crying my eyes out.

Getting laughed-at by family isn't fun

“What is the matter with you, son?” My dad asked with total-surprise.

“Ahhh, Austin. I told him about Santa Clause and it scared him,” Aunt Etta said, somewhat stunned at me being scared.

Then my dad, mom and Aunt Etta, broke down in laughter and assured met that Santa was not a killer out to take me out of the world. Now. Have you ever heard of such fear?

To make my point. There are certain things in this world that men should do. And there are things that men shouldn’t do.

Here is a brief list of Things That Men Should Do . . .

• Be loyal to their girlfriends and wives.
• Respect their girlfriends and wives, and children if any are in their families.
• Be good to animals.
• Be kind to the elderly.
• Respect our flag and the laws of the land.
• Do the best job possible at their workplaces.
• Pay their bills on time.
• Live as soberly as possible to set a good example for their children.
• Work to be a good neighbor, friend, and employee.

Do you agree with the items on this list?

And sadly, there is another thing that mature men should not do---actually there are--

Serious Question:

" . . . Guys, one more question. And I am serious. Take a good look at all of the lovely ladies on this hub and ask yourself: "Do I want to ask these gorgeous girls one or any of the stupid questions in this story . . .or, do I just want to appreciate them and do all that I can to keep them happy? . . ."

10 (or More) Questions That a Man Should Never Ask a Woman

1. “When you were growing up, was your nickname “Porky?”
2. “My buddy who set me up with you on this blind date said for me to ask you, “Is that over-bite so bad that you could bite an apple through a picket fence?”
3. “Is there anymore at home who are NOT like you?”
4. “Before we go to dinner, let me ask, “You do not have a veracious appetite do you?”
5. “You told me on the phone last night that you were 22, do you want to tell me the truth right now?”
6. “Whew! What an awful smell. Oh, I’m sorry. Is that your breath?”
7. “Are you afraid that I will come on to you tonight? Well, don’t!”
8. “Oh, you went to a dog show last month, as an observer or participant?”
9. “Please tell me, do you happen to have a good-looking girlfriend who is not busy tonight?”
10. “Sweetie, are you aware that your pantyhose have wrinkles? Oh, sorry. You are not wearing pantyhose.”
11. “You have a lot of boyfriends? No? Well, being a spinster is no sin.”
12. “Hey, I lost 20 pounds on this new diet that I found. Would you please ask me to let you use it?”
13. “Did I ask you if you were bored? Gee, no. I asked you to please stoop down in the floorboard when we go through town.”
14. “Does your family use you as a scarecrow to scare people at Halloween?”

SPECIAL NOTE: Now that you have hopefully read the most-serious questions to NOT ask a woman, let tell you, guys, if you are so stupid as to ask your new girlfriend, wife, or blind date any of these questions, here are just a few things that will happen to you:

• You will get cursed out in front of others.
• You will receive a butt whipping from your girlfriend.
• Be ready to duck, for she will throw anything that is not nailed down at you.
• If you are riding in her car, you will be asked to get out—while the car is moving.
• Her friends and family will forever seethe with hatred when your name is mentioned.
• Her brothers and uncles will track you down and well, you do not need me to tell you what will happen.
• Have you ever been around a girl who is suddenly psycho?
• The dinner you have bought her, will fly across the table and land in your face. Hope you can stand hot chili.

And the worst thing . . .

She will tell all of her girlfriends (some are beauties too) about how cruel you are and you might as well get used to living a few years like a monk.