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10 Cracks That Will Poison Your Relationship and How to Fix Them ASAP

Updated on February 19, 2020
yogaburnclub profile image

Belinda is a psychologist and relationship writer. Passionate about relationships and how to make them work. Let's connect on LinkedIn

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It's an easy mistake.

To think that your 20 years marriage is sitting on solid rock.

You think it's strong, tight, rooted and secure. Right?

Well?

Can I be honest with you for a moment?

No relationship floats on a golden cloud.

Here is what I mean?

Even couples celebrating their 100th year diamond anniversary. Accept that tolerance or (gin) as the secret that has made them stick for that long.

Everyone looks forward to having an interesting, memorable and enjoyable relationship. For a fact, it doesn’t come easy.

Let's dive into 10 little known cracks poisoning your relationship. They expose your relationship leaving it wide open. Making a juicy relationship turns bitter, bland and tasteless.

On the same, we’ve shared pro tips that will help fix your relationship Asap.

Sounds good?

Let's get started:

Lonely-in-a-Crowd

Do you feel alone even when you are together? You don't laugh and have fun anymore. You don't feel the connection anymore. The chemistry is no more.

Do you see your partner's support? The question is are they still around? Your love is now tasteless and flat like rice soup without salt.

That's when you realize that.

Love is like a tender plant that shrinks and shakes with every ruffing wind. You need to notice when it starts shaking and hold it in the right direction.

The fact is love is a spice with many tastes -a dizzying array of mixtures. Don't forget when love's fire. goes out.it's hard to rekindle.

At this point, your relationship needs serious re-evaluation.

Pro-Tip

Sit down and talk with your spouse. Is she or he feeling the same thing? Make a point of addressing it together. Avoid issues that may take you further into the dark place.

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Not-in-Front-of-the-Kids

How do you feel when roughed up, insulted or thrashed in front of kids?. You feel terrorized, right?

Many times anger boils over us. You utter nasty words, get mad, steam up and SHOUT!

"Shut up you SOB I'm not your mother..........."

" Let's file the F*cking Divorce........"

“Go to hell.....useless man”.

"Stupid idiot........"

The words come out uncontrolled.

You go ahead and break glasses and throw things against the wall. Clench your fist ready to fight.

By the way, we are all human anyone can blow up. But not in front of kids.

It's wrong when done in front of kids. Their peace is disturbed. Research shows that kids take a psychological hit in unresolved conflicts. Children carry these vivid experiences for life.

It's an embarrassing moment when humiliated, abused or roughed up in front of your kid. If your spouse does it more often don't take chances. You are already in an abusive relationship.

Pro-Tip

It's healthy to raise and sort conflict out there. Model your ability to resolve conflict with your kid. Learn and discuss conflict resolution methods with your spouse.


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Fault finding

Do you pick small fights with your partner? Especially on trivial matters. Do you point fingers? “It's your fault our son was late for school”.

Do you bicker over chores? you never do dishes, You always leave the toilet seat up? You ever leave dirty socks on the floor.

You argue while shopping.

Do you keep telling a white lie over a secret shopping that your partner found out?."It's from my mother.... a gift from my best friend"

Do they take sides with their parents even on small matters?

Do you feel embarrassed in public? when they turn up wearing torn, rugged, tight, pencil jeans or revealing mini skirts? For gents, an all size fits all baggy trouser with a vivid color clutch proving that men are color blind

They are all small matters you think they will change over time. Shock on you. In a nick of time, everything explodes. The niggling issues open up old wounds. And historical problems that make your relationship waggle.

Pro-Tip

Avoid attacking your partner in person. Talk about the bad behavior which he or she can change, unlike personality which is permanent

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My phone is more interesting

Smartphones and tablets are cool devices they entertain and keep us updated on what's happening out there. Smartphones have replaced TVs and radios.

You can get everything if only you are connected to the internet. You can chat, like, follow, tweet, tag, post, gossip and watch funny videos.

At first, it's cool, entertaining, and it's a nice time filler. But when you give it more than your partner it becomes destructive. Yes, you don't notice it but the smartphone addiction keeps you away from your partner.

Your partner plans revenge and does the same to you. They keep chatting all day all night..........hmmm, there's a warning bell echoing.

Soon you start spying who they talk to? what do they say? Why at night? Smartphones wreck your relationship.

Pro-Tip

Set and agree on boundaries around the use of devices. How long should one be on the e-space? What is appropriate and not appropriate. Reward yourself by sticking to the rules.


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What -Was -That-Again

You are busy telling your partner a story, news or an update of your day. But you keep repeating yourself. They keep asking "What's that again? They didn't hear-They no longer paying attention. They are somewhere else. Or they are staring at you.

Everyone gets distracted from time to time but when it's a repeated pattern it gets boring. We all want to get felt and heard by our partners.

We want them to pay attention but this is not the case. They are always destructed by football, their phones or the internet. This is dangerous in a relationship. Soon they will find other people to give their time. No one wants to feel bored.

Pro-Tip

Don't multitask when your partner is talking. Maintain eye contact and respond to statements to show that you heard.

Show visual clues that you are together by nodding or accepting. If you struggle with distraction learn and practice mindful tricks.


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You Don't Talk Anymore

Do you plan evening date but find little to talk about?

Your stories are now like bland potatoes, somewhat burnt and without salt. Nobody wants to listen beyond the first sentence. You are boring.

You only talk about the kid and bills. Your stories are boring full of double-talk, senseless words, and vague words. You no longer talk about the future.

You no longer share avid plans for your family. You have no vivid plans for your child's birthday. You don't even notice that your 10th anniversary is drawing near.

The truth is there is a communication problem that is usually thorny in any relationship. If you don't get a solution first your relationship will go to pieces.

Pro-Tip

Start talking and listening. Ask your partner decent questions beyond the normal. See what comes out.


Free-Time

You have a free weekend and your partner is also free. You need this time together. Back then you used to plan weekends and vacations together.

This time you are not sure if you will spend the weekend together. You always find excuses.you are running errands, business meetings, and meeting associates.

The story is the same " it won't take long I will meet person X and will be back on time".This never happens you go and you get lost the whole day. The weekends, holiday ends without even having some quality time with your partner.

It's Demm clear that you would rather be alone. Or with other people, friends or specific relatives than be with your partner.If this is you be careful. Your relationship is crumbling and needs urgent attention.

Pro-Tip

Create quality time for you and your partner. If possible when kids are not involved. Take time out together to have coffee dates. Go ahead and be present and keep time as you used to do.


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I’ve-Got-News

When something great used to happen during the day. Your spouse was the first person that you shared with. Your partner could receive both good and sad news even before they happen.

You could text or call to share surprising things that had happened on your way to work. At the workplace or even with your relatives. But you no longer do that. You don't have much to share with your partner.

Has someone else replaced your partner? Who is this other person that you are sharing all the gossip with? Your partner is no longer on your thoughts even when good or bad things happen.

Pro-Tip

Check yourself and be honest. Who is this other person who has replaced your partner? What are they doing different that makes you prefer to share good/bad news with them? Has your partner changed and no more interested in your stories?

Check out what you need to change and do it ASAP.

Repeated verbal abuse

Does your partner, again and again, keep on poking you? blaming you? sneering at you or even turns disrespectful?

It doesn't involve physical fighting but a lot of verbal abuse and shrewd comments.

When this happens you don't need a scientist to explain that your relationship is heading to the dark.

Research shows that verbal abuse is more powerful than physical abuse. Abusive words pierce the heart.

They remain there and are not forgotten. They keep coming back especially when you have an argument.

Pro-Tip

Avoid strong negative words that attack your spouse. Make apologies on the spot when such words are uttered.




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Passive-aggressive behavior

Does your partner show passive-aggressive behavior? Throws things against the wall.breaks glasses, plates, and flower vases.

They are hawkish and they bang against the wall. Yell to the top of their voice. Some go to the extent of biting themselves.

They take less than a minute and the whole damage can get felt. Everything is turned upside down in a fraction of a second.

The warlike behavior doesn't last

In three winks everything gets back to normal. You even start laughing together, share jokes again. You are now friends again. Passive-aggressive is ugly and can poison a relationship. Here is what to do.

Pro-Tip

  • keep your anger in check

  • Allow your partner to work through their feelings

  • Engage in a non-judgemental way

  • Identify the triggers of passive aggression behavior

  • Visit a counselor who can help you overcome

Sum It up

In a nutshell, we have discussed 10 relationship problems that need your attention.

They occur to us each day. They are very small and go unnoticed. But watch out for these small cracks that will grow to become big canyons.

If the cracks are not filled up it will tear down and wreck your relationship.

Go ahead and start noticing. Take the next step and fill the cracks.

Renew your relationship and keep it fresh. Even if you are celebrating your 100 years diamond anniversary, keep it gleaming fresh and youthful. You will thank me later.

Have you enjoyed the tips?

Share the love with friends and family.

And leave comments below.



Comments

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    • yogaburnclub profile imageAUTHOR

      Belinda 

      3 months ago from Kenya

      Thanks for the comment,

      Everyone is usually on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship..........

      Wait until they boil over and start throwing things then you learn your true partner.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 months ago from Chicago

      "No relationship floats on a golden cloud." - Very true!

      There is no "neutral" we're either "growing together" or "growing apart". Relationships and marriages are a lot like gardens.

      If you nurture them they thrive and if you neglect them they die.

      "You go ahead and break glasses and throw things against the wall. Clench your fist ready to fight. By the way, we are all human anyone can blow up. But not in front of kids."

      Truth be told if any woman/man is dating/married to someone who breaks glasses and throws things against the wall whether the kids are in the room or not should they consider ending that relationship!

      Ignoring such "red flags" often lead to people especially women enduring toxic physical abuse. One day your mate is throwing "things" against the wall and the next day they'll be throwing YOU.

      There are three basic reasons why most couples split up.

      1. They (chose) the wrong mate. (They're too incompatible.)

      2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of one of them.

      3. They fell out of love/grew apart over time.

      Ideally you want to (choose) someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship as you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for each other. Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication" which can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.

      One man's opinion! :)

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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