ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

A guide for a fat, jobless and lazy guy

Updated on January 20, 2012

In case most of you have not realized, we have a very serious situation. This situation is worse than the problem of natural disasters, famine and poverty. The situation is that girls and getting hotter, hotter and hotter. Ok fine i might pulled out that statement from an AXE commercial but it is actually true. To make matters worse, with the introduction of shows like jersey shore, women are beginning to realize that they have hotter and finer options out there compared to you fat and lazy bum. Lets face a woman would rather see her picture on the front of Entertainment with her celebrity of a hobby instead of being on the pages of the scrap book you seemed to have lost. So if you think you can just sit on that couch getting fatter by the second and still expect that lovely jewel of yours, you should seriously think again.

Keep poisonous substances out of the reach of your women

Hmm lets see...this is probably a tricky one. Before you get your lazy ass onto that leather cushion of yours scout for any substance you are not familiar with that seems to be at the wrong place at the right. But you might actually be familiar with certain poisonous substances...nah i seriously doubt that. You are probably more interested in that champions league finals or lakers game. Also beware of the castor oil plant she might be growing in the family. She would tell it is for making your meal taste better, but do not be fooled. Ricin one of the most powerful poisons in the world is gotten from the seed of the castor plant.Just 1 milligram is a deadly amount if inhaled or ingested, and only 500 micrograms of the substance would kill an adult if it were injected.Main symptoms within the first hours are stomach ache, gastroenteritis , bloody diarrhea and vomiting. Over the course of the first days after exposure, the victim may experience symptoms of dehydration and low blood pressure It has a mild initial taste but you would probably not detect it in your food seeing as you are not even looking for it in the first place

Watch out for the service men Syndrome

Sure he might be a mailman or your wife's personal plumber but he probably has more abs than you( with your single and extra large pack) and to make matters worse, he probably takes out time to ask her about day. Then maybe she begins to tell them about her day and how you are just a scum and a waste of space in the house. He then tells her how beautiful she is and how she deserves to be treated like a princess. The next thing you know, the mails getting to your house turn to love letters and the plumber spends more time than usual working with her 'supervising' the job being done.

The Persian god treatment might just be a message

Yep you might think of yourself as the Persian god being served a burnt offering but it just plain old burnt food probably purposely left to overcook. Fine you might lose your temper and hit her seeing as the god treatment is beginning to happen too often but lets face it: you are getting closer to being screwed. Eating outside or ordering meals would not make the problem go away instead it would just hide on the surface while it digs deep within. Maybe a night out wont be a bad idea afterall

Extended office hours

Ok first of all you are a lazy bum so ya she has to work to bring food for the both of you after you have given her your endless stream of excuses about how the Americans don't like you, how you are too smart to get a job in that area....blah blah. So weeks later she begins to call you( she got you that mobile you are using by the way) and tell you how she how she has gotten promoted and how her 'office hours' have been extended; so you should not expect to see her the week. Well of course she would not be sleeping in the office so she would have to find a friend to stay with. Ya it might be a woman and ya it might be a guy

Hmm divorce court just got a bit interesting

One place to get to see various cases ( whether it is outrageous or not) that lead to divorce being brought up as the solution to the problem is The Divorce court show on Fox. So frankly speaking, it might not be a coincidence that you find her getting so stuck watching this show ( this is when you manage to get your ass out of the eat your meal by the way) that she actually gets to miss an opera show ( oh wait, she might also watch that seeing as she would get to listen her talk about how women should fight for their right and avoid taking shit from men)

KINDS OF LAZY HUSBANDS

The Boy Husband

He never grew up, was never taught how to look after himself and is more like one of the children than a responsible grown-up. Just as he expected his mother to tie his shoelaces, he expects his wife to do everything for him around the house and would be lost without her.

The Perfectionist Husband

He has an old-fashioned view of marriage and believes that it's a woman's job to run the home while he is the hunter-gatherer. He can be hard to live with, has high standards, but won't lift a finger to maintain them. He may not be a perfectionist in his own life, but has perfectionist expectations of his wife and family.

The Angry Husband

If he is hostile, his laziness might be the least of your worries. He bullies his wife into doing things and uses intimidation as a way of getting out of doing housework and parenting duties. Often, his wife will give in to avoid conflict.

The Worried Husband

He is unable to relax at home and is too frightened to take an active role in child-rearing for fear of getting things wrong. He constantly worries that something bad is going to happen to his family. He is intimidated by his wife but paralysed by his fears.



Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • SpiffyD profile image

      SpiffyD 6 years ago from The Caribbean

      I enjoyed this hub rednickel. Complacency is a real issue in relationships and both sexes are guilty of it. However, I think mean may commit more serious infractions as far as complacency is concerned.

    • rikabothra profile image

      rikabothra 6 years ago

      This is an amazing hub, I loved every bit of it!

      'Keep poisonous substances out of the reach of your women

      ' and 'KINDS OF LAZY HUSBANDS' - were 'priceless' - I cannot think of a better word to describe it! Voted up!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)