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11 Secret Things (Until Now) That I Am Not Proud Of

Updated on July 8, 2013

Right now, this is how I feel


Other Things I'm Not Proud Of


Okay. This is how it's going to happen

I am going to come clean with you, my cherished-friends and followers on HubPages. This isn't a new gig for me. I have, in the past, confessed to "some" things in my past life as a kid and teenager, but never "THESE" things.

Am I happy about confessing these 11 things? No.

Will I be a better person for confessing these 11 things? No.

So why do it? Easy answer. This hub makes two that I have written today, July 8, 2013, and for me, this is a milestone due to my illnesses, Accelerated Fibromyalgia and Neurothopy both acting-up on me in the weeks past.

Today, Our Loving Maker, in His infinite compassion and mercy, allowed me to have the time, ideas, and a mild (not harsh) pain level that allowed me to write these two hubs.

"But, Kenny," you say. "It's just two hubs. Is this a big deal with you?"

"Yes," I replied pridefully. And I would reply the same way if it had been a week into the future and the same God blessed me in the same ways.

11 Secret Things (Until Now), That I Am Not Proud Of

1.) Biting my pet puppy, "Sandy," when I was a kid. Well, he snapped at me, so I gave him a "taste of his own medicine." No wonder he ran away.

2.) Telling my parents a bold-face lie when I lost my class ring in 1971. I had sneaked-off to go swimming with some buddies in a river near our neighborhood and not thinking, I wore my class ring. When I jumped into the currents, off came my class ring and $68-hard-earned money my parents had spent on the prized-piece of jewelry for me. But my bold-face lie was I was chasing some of our chickens out of our produce garden and the ring flew off my finger. I confessed two months later. And was grounded for five months.

3.) Using a deep voice I chased two elderly people off of our "party line" in 1967 just so I could call my girlfriend. Well, she was my first love, so I was using my heart, not my head.

4.) Telling an ex-girlfriend (and believe me. I wanted her to be my "ex" since our third date) that smoking was "good" for a man's sex life. To seal the deal, I used the old "read it in a magazine in my family doctor's office," routine. This was in 1973. She had made me give up smoking and I wasn't one to take orders from a bossy girlfriend. Since those stupid years, I have learned that SMOKING IS HAZAROUS TO YOUR HEALTH.

5.) Convincing an old man named, "Hamp," who lived near us in 1968 that my mother had sent me to "borrow" a dollar. Of course he handed the buck to me with great pleasure. "Hamp" had a big heart, and I had a big yearning for a soda that was sold in our neighborhood country store. "Hamp" or the country store are no longer around, so I guess I am wasting a confession, but my conscience is clear. I've often wondered why I didn't ask for five dollars.

6.) Telling a curious girl who called my house looking for me that "there's no Kenneth who lives here," because my pals and I wanted to simply "love 'em and leave 'em," but "I" was the one who gave her my own phone number. I was thankful for my mom and dad both not being at home. Oh, and yes, my deep voice paid off again.

7.) Crashing a company Christmas party and telling the employees that "I" worked in the mail department and seldom came upstairs. Well, they all were pretty much "three sheets in the wind," and so was I, so what harm did a lie and six more beers do me? Anyway this was in 1983. "That" business is still around in my hometown, but I'd bet that none of those guys who were at that Christmas party has never let the thought of me standing there at their coolers sucking-down their beer and acting like I belonged there.

8.) Forging my own excuse to go home from school one winter afternoon. This was when I first got my driver's license and our high school principal, Joe L. Sargent, his real name, rest his soul, was up in years and I had mastered my mother's handwriting, so off to my house I drove--leaving a few buddies steaming with anger because I didn't take them with me. What did they take me for, a "corporate liar?"

9.) Asking my sixth-grade teacher, Mrs. Lena Dozier her real name, and rest her soul, to tell us (when I was in her room in 1966), we wanted to hear about her trip to Mexico a few summers ago. You see, each of her classes would pass this priceless information down to the next class: "if you want to have a free period, get Mrs. Dozier to talk about her trip to Mexico," and she will talk and talk and you won't have to work. Okay. I am a "softie." I apologize to you, Mrs. Dozier. I really mean it.

10.) Telling another "ex" when she called me, "hey, I am busy with James, J.G., Allan, Steve and David. We are working on our songs for when we are good enough to play at dances." Of course I was telling a lie about my buddies and I having a rock band, but now I wonder. Who was worse? Me for telling this girl I had a rock band, or her for believing it since my buddies and I were only in the eighth-grade. I am still not proud of this.

11.) Playing a painful joke on my dad whom I thought loved a good joke. When he came in from work, his ritual was to always sit his lunch box on the kitchen table, pull off his shoes and grab his favorite chair and relax from his day of labors. But on a "certain" day, he was in for a big surprise. I took one of my mom's safety pins and bent it until the sharp point stuck upward and I placed it securely in his chair and waited for the fun to begin. And today I am still waiting. I tell you. I have never seen my dad that angry in my whole life. Dad, I apologize. I am not laughing anymore . . .

I am too busy missing you.

This guy is NOT me

Drinking whiskey straight from a water bottle. I never mixed my whiskey with any water, bottled or tap
Drinking whiskey straight from a water bottle. I never mixed my whiskey with any water, bottled or tap | Source


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      LOL, Jodah,

      No sweat. Honestly I had forgotten this one. Thanks, my friend, for cheering me up.

      Sometimes old hubs are the best hubs.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      I know I'm late getting to read this hub and post a reply Kenneth, I'm sorry. Loved it by the way. It takes a big man to confess to things he's not proud of. Now I'm sitting going over my own "wish I hadn'ts" in my head....and boy there are plenty. I guess we should all write a hub like this at some stage, just to get things off our chests. I just have to pluck up the courage to do it.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Ketage,

      These are the ones I can confess in print. Once as a five-year- old, I threw mud all over my dad's '50 Ford while he was at work. My sister and mom drew water from our well to clean it before he came home.

      Nuff said.


    • ketage profile image


      5 years ago from Croatia

      Geez , these are your confessions :O you must have been a saint in your younger years :)

      My dad would have blown a fuse if I ever put a safety pin on his chair. Would never have dared to do that :O

      Hmmm , my confessions would probably require a book about the size of war and peace :) lol

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi again, my dear sweet friend, Lovedoctor,

      Thank you again for these comments too. I'm glad you kept it a secret from your mom for her heart would have been shattered. Not that I condone lying, but I did tell some butt-saving lies too, but my conscience would eat me up until I confessed.

      I'm glad that you and I have three things in common: our love of writing, our losing our rings, and our love ofvCoke. And an amazing friendship. Make that four things in common.

      Love you much, LD.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      #11 Playing a painful joke on your father with a pin.. Hmm,. I think I would have been pretty angry too and it takes a lot for me to get upset.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Hi Kenneth, sorry to hear that you've been feeling under the weather lately. Writing is always therapeutic. I really enjoyed this hub. #6, #10 are hilarious. Do you know that I also lost my high school ring? I never told my mother that I did. I ran it over with my car. It must have fallen on the driveway. I think my brother knew, but I swore him to secrecy. The ring, mind you cost about $300.00 since it was gold. Whenever my mom would mention it, I would just tell her that I had lost it somewhere in the house. She never asked me again. Now, I wear my college ring and it fits pretty tight so hopefully, I won't lose this one. voted up

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dearest Catgypsy,

      I do feel bad for my pup. I did feed him some extra helpings of Purina dog chow at supper.

      Thanks for being a dear supporter and friend.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Thank you (swig root beer), for your super-nice remarks. I needed them. Loved your root beer toast.

      Visit with me anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Austin,

      Thanks for your honest remarks.

      Sorry about your childhood. Hope your life is better now.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Patriot Quest,

      Thanks for your encouragement.

      I'm doing better these days. Not bit a single dog in on over 40 years. I'm a founding member of DBAA' dog bitters anonymous of America.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ writinglover . . .wow! Blushing; feeling warm and tingly and it's not kryptonite. THANKS.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Jaye,

      Thank you kindly for your nice comment. Believe me, the pup didnt feel a thing for he jumped away leaving me with a mouthful of hair from his tail.

      I do feel better. Come back anytime.

    • writinglover profile image


      5 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      Hi, Kenny! Wonder Woman returns the hug! :D

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      My Dear writinglover,

      "To forgive divine," I think is the rest of that adage.

      Thanks for your comment and understanding. I don't think that Diana Prince/Wonder Woman is capable of making a mistake. And Superman says hi back along with a warm hug.

    • catgypsy profile image


      5 years ago from the South

      Kenneth, shame on you for the dog incident! But the rest of it is probably something many others have done, so don't be so hard on yourself. The safety pin was bad too, but kids sometimes don't understand what their actions will bring, so we'll let you off the hook for that one too. I can only imagine you paid heavily for that one anyway! Great hub!

    • agilitymach profile image

      Kristin Kaldahl 

      5 years ago

      A pretty funny list with some sincerity to it as well!!! It made me laugh and miss my own dad all at the same time. Voted up and awesome!!! And here's root beer toast to our dads. :D

    • Austinstar profile image


      5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Sounds like a pretty good childhood there, kenneth. I remember a lot of the same kinds of things until I was 12. That's when I left home because my parents were alcoholics and other family members were pedophiles. Good thing I had the brains to survive.

    • Patriot Quest profile image

      Wayne Joel Bushong 

      5 years ago from America

      Thats it? That is your big confession? LOL! Wow I must be lower than scum on a pond! Thanks for making me feel like a heel!............voted up grudgingly, LOL

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 

      5 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Other than biting your poor little dog (Dog abuse! Dog abuse!), I don't think the offenses for which you confessed were too bad. Even with the dog incident, your young age gets you off the hook. I'm sure most of us remember behaviors of our own that would outdo yours. (I'm trying NOT to remember some of the crazy things I did when young.)

      Still, confession is supposed to be good for the soul, so you should feel better now. Confession is also easier if you wait until most of the people against whom you trangressed are gone--not that I'm suggesting that's why it took you so long! LOL

      Voted Up and Funny.

      Glad you're feeling better.


    • writinglover profile image


      5 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      Hi, Kenny! I think we all have things that we are not proud of. As humans, we are more than liable to make mistakes, big or small. "To Err is human..." and I don't remember the rest of that phrase but we all go through that. Even Wonder Woman makes mistakes. She says 'hello' by the way. Voted it up!


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