12 (or More) Fatal Things Not to do on a Double-Date

Lately, I have been doing a little “Hub Surfing,” and I have reached a few conclusions. Some expert-hub writers say that few photos make for a better hub. Then there are hubbers who say that the more photos you have, the more readers, and then followers, you will garner.

I am afraid to take sides. So I am using 10 photos with this piece. I pray that all 10 will be of good resolution for I do not want this story to be “flagged” by HubPages editors. What a shame it is to be “flagged.” It makes you the object of neighborhood ridicule and humiliation.

So new members of HubPages, I seriously suggest to you that you keep from getting “flagged” by HubPages editors if you want to live happy and accepted by your friends and neighbors.

Now another conclusion I have reached may be up for debate: Does a hub have to be so long that it takes an hour for a reader to digest? This is not a prerequisite for a great hub unless the hub writer is closely-related to Ernest Hemingway. Then again, I have read hubs that were no longer than five paragraphs in length.

So who is right? And whom do I side with? I’ll get back to these burning-questions later.

My story today is about

“12 (or More) Fatal Things Not to do on a Double-Date,”

and I am serious. If you are so foolish as to do one or all of these juvenile acts, then you deserve to be alone.

Before I begin, allow me to answer this one question: “What are the benefits of going on a double-date?” Get a pen and paper for you will want to write these down.

• Comfort and protection when you know the partner of the other couple
• Insurance against any “monkey business,” even if your date brings along is pet chimp, “Hershey.”
• Twice the fun with four than two.
• Gives the people with low social skills more dating experience.

And now . . .(are you reading this, HubPages editors who choose Hub of The Week?) . . .and HubPages editors, please judge this hub on its original thought and down-right hilarious text suitable to read at any bachelor party.

“12 (or More) Fatal Things Not to do on a Double-Date”

1. Do not pour beer on your date’s head for a sure-fire ice-breaker.

2. Do not pour beer on the driver’s head for laughs.

3. (if you are a female) do not dress like Black Beard, the Pirate.

4. (if you are a male) do not dress like a swan from the ballet, Black Swan.

5. Do not do impressions of your date’s dad or mom if you have met them.

6. Do not constantly-interrupt your date or the other couple when they are talking.

7. Do not insist on your date to “look at that,” out of your window at uninteresting things like tree stumps.

8. Acting like you speak a foreign language is a no, no. Especially when you say, “Hi, ya’ll.”

9. (if you are a female) do not cram your jaw full of smokeless chewing tobacco.

10. (if you are a male) do not act like you do not see that huge chew in your date’s mouth.

11. Insisting that the four of you take a tour of a chicken processing plant would be big fun.

12. (if you are a female) do not start talking marriage from the get-go.

13. (if you are a male) do not start taking your pants off in the first hour of the double-date.

14. (if you are a male) do not tell your date that she could pass as your sister’s twin.

15. (if you are a female) do not try to talk like a lumberjack.

16. Hanging outside the moving vehicle to throw empty soda bottles at road signs is not recommended.

17. If things get hot quickly and you start nibbling on her neck, be sure it’s her neck and not her nose.

18. (for females) do not be annoyingly-cute and bite his lips when you are kissing.

19. When French kissing, (for guys and girls), do not use your tongue to massage the roof of the mouth.

20. Do not sneeze into his or her ear.

21. (for guys) do not make your date shut her eyes and then make her feel your semi-hairy chest.

22. (for guys) being mischievous and unzipping her dress is not cool.

23. Do not play that horrible game, “Name That Disease.”

24. Do not gaze at your former girlfriends’ photos you keep in your wallet throughout your date.

25. Subjects like: “Commode Efficiency,” and “Pacemaker Choices,” are not good for small talk.

26. (guys or girls) do not try to impersonate “Bernie,” the gorilla on Zookeeper.

27. When dining, (if the date goes that far), do not shove food in your ears, for any reason.

28. When dining, do not race your date in seeing how many oysters you can eat in fifteen seconds.

29. (guys) Do not ask her if you can ride her back and call her, “Trigger.”

30. (girls) Do not splash lighter fluid on him and set him afire because you have a fire fetish.

    Actually, this list could go on through 100 rules, but I think 30 is sufficient.

    Coming soon . . .”How to Cause a Fight on Your First Date With a Hot Girl