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12 (or More) Fatal Things Not to do on a Double-Date

Updated on July 31, 2014

What to write? What not to write?

Lately, I have been doing a little “Hub Surfing,” and I have reached a few conclusions. Some expert-hub writers say that few photos make for a better hub. Then there are hubbers who say that the more photos you have, the more readers, and then followers, you will garner.

I am afraid to take sides. So I am using 10 photos with this piece. I pray that all 10 will be of good resolution for I do not want this story to be “flagged” by HubPages editors. What a shame it is to be “flagged.” It makes you the object of neighborhood ridicule and humiliation.

Double-dating was even popular as far back as 1900

Ahhh, what fun--the double-date

Double-dating is fun as long as people behave

New HubPages writers, pay close attention

So new members of HubPages, I seriously suggest to you that you keep from getting “flagged” by HubPages editors if you want to live happy and accepted by your friends and neighbors.

Now another conclusion I have reached may be up for debate: Does a hub have to be so long that it takes an hour for a reader to digest? This is not a prerequisite for a great hub unless the hub writer is closely-related to Ernest Hemingway. Then again, I have read hubs that were no longer than five paragraphs in length.

So who is right? And whom do I side with? I’ll get back to these burning-questions later.

My story today is about

“12 (or More) Fatal Things Not to do on a Double-Date,”

and I am serious. If you are so foolish as to do one or all of these juvenile acts, then you deserve to be alone.

These couples are on dangerous ground

Some vital information for you

Before I begin, allow me to answer this one question: “What are the benefits of going on a double-date?” Get a pen and paper for you will want to write these down.

  • Comfort and protection when you know the partner of the other couple
  • Insurance against any “monkey business,” even if your date brings along is pet chimp, “Hershey.”
  • Twice the fun with four than two.
  • Gives the people with low social skills more dating experience.

What's wrong with the guy to far back right?

And now . . .(are you reading this, HubPages editors who choose Hub of The Week?) . . .and HubPages editors, please judge this hub on its original thought and down-right hilarious text suitable to read at any bachelor party.

“12 (or More) Fatal Things Not to do on a Double-Date”

"Why am I pouring beer on your head? Because I want to."

Are you guilty of doing any of these foolish things?

Laughing at your date's "tragic" news is not endorsed.

Staring at your date says, "I am stupid."

Dressing alike? Seriously?

  1. Do not pour beer on your date’s head for a sure-fire ice-breaker.

  2. Do not pour beer on the driver’s head for laughs.

  3. (if you are a female) do not dress like Black Beard, the Pirate.

  4. (if you are a male) do not dress like a swan from the ballet, Black Swan.

  5. Do not do impressions of your date’s dad or mom if you have met them.

  6. Do not constantly-interrupt your date or the other couple when they are talking.

  7. Do not insist on your date to “look at that,” out of your window at uninteresting things like tree stumps.

  8. Acting like you speak a foreign language is a no, no. Especially when you say, “Hi, ya’ll.”

  9. (if you are a female) do not cram your jaw full of smokeless chewing tobacco.

  10. (if you are a male) do not act like you do not see that huge chew in your date’s mouth.

  11. Insisting that the four of you take a tour of a chicken processing plant would be big fun.

  12. (if you are a female) do not start talking marriage from the get-go.

  13. (if you are a male) do not start taking your pants off in the first hour of the double-date.

  14. (if you are a male) do not tell your date that she could pass as your sister’s twin.

  15. (if you are a female) do not try to talk like a lumberjack.

  16. Hanging outside the moving vehicle to throw empty soda bottles at road signs is not recommended.

  17. If things get hot quickly and you start nibbling on her neck, be sure it’s her neck and not her nose.

  18. (for females) do not be annoyingly-cute and bite his lips when you are kissing.

  19. When French kissing, (for guys and girls), do not use your tongue to massage the roof of the mouth.

  20. Do not sneeze into his or her ear.

  21. (for guys) do not make your date shut her eyes and then make her feel your semi-hairy chest.

  22. (for guys) being mischievous and unzipping her dress is not cool.

  23. Do not play that horrible game, “Name That Disease.”

  24. Do not gaze at your former girlfriends’ photos you keep in your wallet throughout your date.

  25. Subjects like: “Commode Efficiency,” and “Pacemaker Choices,” are not good for small talk.

  26. (guys or girls) do not try to impersonate “Bernie,” the gorilla on Zookeeper.

  27. When dining, (if the date goes that far), do not shove food in your ears, for any reason.

  28. When dining, do not race your date in seeing how many oysters you can eat in fifteen seconds.

  29. (guys) Do not ask her if you can ride her back and call her, “Trigger.”

  30. (girls) Do not splash lighter fluid on him and set him afire because you have a fire fetish.

    Actually, this list could go on through 100 rules, but I think 30 is sufficient.

    Coming soon . . .”How to Cause a Fight on Your First Date With a Hot Girl


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Dana,

      Nothing wrong with that type of strict discipline, but I see your point. A girl should have her BFF along if she is the least bit uncomfortable about meeing "Henry 'The Hand' Henderson," for a blind date.

      Thank you so much for your sweet visit.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, eric,

      Naaah, close, but no scandal. Good line though. Very good. I laughed when I read it.

      Does David Letterman pay you well?

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Gypsy Rose Lee,

      Thank you, my Dear friend for the compliment. And your remark about not having too many double dates makes me sad. I sense that you had plenty of gentlemen wanting to date you.

      Am I right?

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, sheilamyers,

      LOL. No, definitely not.

      Thank you for stopping in and making my day.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, FlourishAnyway,

      Yes, if you can find a date who likes doing animal noises, you are just sabotaging what might be a great time.

      What I like, or did like, were girls who loved practical jokes and their dainty, perfect looks had me believing that if they saw an ant, the EEEWWWWW's would start coming from their mouths.

      I should be thankful that these girls didn't EEEW when they first met me.

      Thanks for your visit.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Amusing really amusing. I'm really glad I haven't had many double dates.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Shoot I thought a double date was when you took two girls out at once.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      ROFL! Definitely not things to do any date.

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 

      4 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      When I first started dating my family was so strict that unless there were double dating involved I wasn't able to go. I use to hate their old fashion rules. However, I must admit it stopped some of my dates from getting too "fresh" especially if I did not want them to be.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      Definitely things not to do! Maybe play "guess that animal noise" would be another one (e.g., pig, donkey, elephant). Could be an interesting night and a short one unless you find someone who really likes that kind of thing. My great-grandmother always said there ain't a pot too crooked that there ain't a lid to fit it.


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