- Gender and Relationships»
3 Types of Toxic Friends to Avoid
1. Overly Needy
Being overly needy means that this toxic friend wants you to help her with her own problem every time she has one. You always wake up with a text or call confiding her problems to you. It would definitely be rewarding on your part to help a friend in need. We all have problems and there are really times we get overwhelmed with them, thus; we ask for a friend’s help. However, before we ask for help, we must first evaluate if we can handle it on our own. It’s the first step in becoming independent –that we learn to figure things out on our own. If you realize that the problem is beyond your capacity, then you should definitely ask for help. But, if you ask for help too often, then you lack self-trust, that you can make wise decisions on your own. A really supportive friend would not tolerate this. A real friend will also teach her friend how to be strong and independent.
The solution is to not reply to the petty problems of your toxic friend. You should gauge whether she can handle it on her own or it’s truly overwhelming on her part. You could also reply much later to allow her to think through it and solve it on her own. You’d be surprise to receive a message from her saying that, “No, need to reply. I was able to solve it.”
Say you are looking for a job, here comes your toxic friend who wants to help but turned out to be meddling too much with your life. She wants you to apply to this and that company even if you do not like. She makes you feel like she has control over your own decisions. This is a real problem in friendship when you fail to recognize that your friend has her own mind. A real supportive friend will just give advice and then allow her friend to figure things out on her own.
Other kinds of meddlesome/nosy friends I’ve met:
- She tells you that what you’re wearing does not look good on you and she insists that you should tag her along when you are buying clothes.
- She suddenly tells you that she’s going to sleep over at your house but you just meet her in school for a few months that you are still figuring out if she can be trusted.
- She makes you feel that her ideas should be included in your research paper, acting as if she’s an expert in that field, when you just asked for an opinion.
You simply must be honest with your friend but you have to know how to say it politely. Tell her that as much as you want to follow or adopt her suggestions, you would like to decide on your own. If you keep silent about it, you would feel uneasy with her as she continues to insist her wants to you. For you to have peace, learn to be honest with yourself and to her.
Signs of Selfish, Toxic Friends
- Borrows money from you but does not pay back. then, you hear that she went to the salon, bought shoes, etc.
- You are the only one who treats her. She does not treat you back and always complains that she does not have money.
- When you ask for help, she gives a little or conceals the information that you need. For example, your friend works in the company you are also interested in. You ask her of the working environment inside but she only told you that you should ask the employers and not her. Another example is when you ask your friend of her experiences in processing papers for studying abroad. But, she only told limited information which is not really useful.
- She does not remember the problems you confided to her but you remember every struggle she went through.
You should not fall into a victim of these types of toxic friends. At first, you will try to forgive them. But, if you see that the bad behavior or attitude is repeating, then you should distance yourself from them. Slowly lose communication and spend time on those who will know how to respect you and give you a helping hand when needed.