3 Ways To Deal With A Breakup

I have been heart broken a couple of times in my life and I have had a hard time dealing with it. Most of the time it was me that messed up as well. I think as a young man and learning from my past experiences that taking the time to reflect and spend some time in your own head is valuable.

Hanging out with other people that are responsible and logical is valuable. Most of all speaking to older more experienced men and women about breakups is the smartest thing to do when dealing with this type of emotion. Whether your breaking up with a significant other or a friend, here are three tips that will help you through your breakup.

One of my exes (especially after our break ups) often used to mention self love. How she would keep the peace in her mind and no one should be allowed to tarnish that. Honestly this used to piss me off. My toxic logic at the time was, “If I’m upset about what’s going on in our relationship, then why isn’t she still upset? Why is she so happy right now?”

The truth is she may not have been. She may have felt the same way I did, but she was showing herself some love. Doing things for herself, and putting this aside to deal with another day. The point of self love is literally what it means. It’s actually so much more simple. For example, if I never had a relationship with her, what would I have been doing for myself? I would have been eating, drinking, and hanging out with friends. I would have been playing basketball on the weekends or practicing music. Living my normal life and doing things that made me happy. Things that put me at peace and provided me happiness. Not always having to please someone else. Just showing love to myself.

I believe this needs to be done during the relationship. I believe this needs to be realized after a break up as well. Too many people are so joined at the hip that they tend not to realize this though. Whatever heartbreak your facing, try to find what makes YOU happy and do it. Stopping everything you’ve got going on to hang out with one person is good and sometimes necessary, but you need to make time for yourself as well. I learned from my elders that this is healthy. Just in case the day comes when you lose that significant other.

Talk to someone who is not dealing with this right now. Believe it or not they are thinking straight and well, you're on the internet looking for ways to deal with this pain. People tend to try and mend the wound by force. This is not possible. If you broke your arm can you heal it in a day or a week? A bone will take months to heal. The brain is similar (depending on how intergrated you were with your partner) it may take months or even years to heal.

Talking to someone is like physical therapy. It’s a mental thing that I believe people going through heartbreaks and relationship issues need to be able to do. Make sure you're going to the right person though. Would you go to a guy at the corner store asking for a rehabilitation workout for a broken arm? Probably not. You're going to go to someone who has a PT certification or someone who is notable in medicine.

Just like you would go to a professional for a broken bone, you should also go to a person who has dealt with this type of hurt before. Or someone that knows you so well that they are able to bring you back to reality. Reality being that the world is not over after this breakup. After speaking to people and getting advice, take it! You will feel better. You will need to internalize what you’ve heard, and distinguish the bad advice from the good.

Exercise or a physical activity is proven to decrease anxiety and provide stress relief. I have played basketball, ran around a track, and even tried new sports during breakups and I forgot about the situation completely. Not to mention working out at the gym helped me so much that it kind of became an addiction. Doing exercise during any stressful time in my life helped and provided me with an hour or two of pure bliss.

Working out releases endorphins in the brain that trigger “happy” hormones. The chemical's actual name is dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that is released when you eat something sweet or tasty. This chemical is also the main chemical released when you're having sexual intercourse. So a healthy way to feel better almost immediately is to start working out, and the more you do it the better you’ll feel about yourself.

I recommend doing these things to help with your breakup. Even if it is a “break” from the relationship. The point of all of this is to feel better about yourself. My mother always used to tell me, “Right now seems tough, but a year from today you’ll look back at this and laugh.”

Personally I have done all of these things and come a long way. I have really started to find myself mentally. I put myself around the right people though. You should do the same. I encourage you to be a bit more selfish about your wellbeing. Be courteous to others, but occasionally put yourself first. Time will pass and you’ll be okay.