32 Tips That'll Make Long-Distance Relationship work
Tips on Making LDR Work
Many people believe that long distance relationships don’t work out. Your family and your friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken. Thus, the question here is do long distance relationships really work or are they doomed from the onset? Long distance relationships are not easy, the distance makes many things unachievable such as being able to hold each other’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, but with the right commitment and communication, long distance relationships can actually be more stable than geographically close relationships.
Despite the teary goodbyes, lonely nights, flight delays, and outrageous phone bills, long distance relationship are developing daily such as those who fell for each other in online dating, as well as those who've been married for years but decided to live apart due to international opportunities. Here are the 35 tips to make your long distance relationship work:
See it as a opportunity to prove your love
Long distance relationship should be viewed as an opportunity to prove your love for each other. Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger, just as pressure makes diamond and fire makes gold.
Set some ground rules to manage your expectations
To begin with both of you need to define what you expect of with each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so both of you will know the dos and don’ts of the relationship right from the beginning, such as is it alright for the other person to go on dates?
Communicate regularly, and creatively
Communication is the bedrock of any relationship, but when you’re in a long distance relationship, communication becomes even more important. The biggest benefit of being in a long distance relationship is that it forces you to communicate. Talk every day. The most important thing about making a long distance relationship work is to be crazy about each other enough to carve a sacrificial amount of time out of your every single day to fuel the unquenchable fire in your heart by talking every single day -- possibly multiple times. Try to update your partner on your life and happening around you. You should also spend a good deal of your time sending text. This allows you to constantly know what your long distance lover is doing. To be more creative, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and cared for. It can take real effort to rearrange schedules and make time to talk, especially when things get busy or there is a time difference involved.
Set up healthy communication patterns early
Distance will push both of you to be more creative when it comes to communicating and expressing your feelings. Look at this as a chance to test your communication skills and emotions. Since you won't be seeing each other in person, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection as often as you can. Work around your schedules. If you know you're going to be too busy to communicate, let your partner know in advance and try to stay in contact as best you can. Discuss and agree on some of your communication basics as a couple–how you generally prefer to connect (phone, skype, text), what times, and for how long. Because looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices can make everything feel alright again. Frequent use of email and online resources can help cultivate trust in romantic relationships. Apart from talking to each other, try writing letters or long emails sometimes. When you write something you can think and express yourself better than you do when you’re talking. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues, and letters and emails can also become treasured keepsakes in the future. This can help set realistic expectations and avoid some miscommunications, frustration, and anxiety. However, you two don’t really have to communicate for long hours a day to keep the relationship going. It is unwise to be overly possessive. It might only make things worse.
Get to know each other
Just like any relationship, you should spend some time really getting to know and understand your partner. Learn to listen carefully to your partner and ask questions that help you understand them better. When talking, take note of things your partner enjoys the most like hobbies or day-to-day activities, and do a little research on it so you have something more to discuss. Knowing each other's preferences will also help when you want to exchange gifts. Gift exchange is just another way to communicate your feelings for each other over the long distance. It’s not until you spend a significant amount time with your partner before you really get to know them well. If you take the time to know your partner well, that will pay off big time in the long run. When you meet long distance it can be easy to jump in the deep end and move too fast in your new relationship.
You need to be constantly injecting positive energy into the long distance relationship to keep it alive. Focus on the positive side of the relationship, such as the ability to pursue your interests, hobbies, and career objectives. The waiting can be painful and you can sometimes feel lonesome but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be worth your while. Be thankful that you have someone to love and someone who also loves you back.
Remember that your partner is human
It's advisable to focus on the positive but you should let your partner know your low points. Both of you are human, and it’s important to know that no one is perfect. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but can also make you idealize your partner.
Try to reduce sexual tension through cybersex
Cybersex is when a couple communicates sexually through technology, including phone, photo, video, text, email and chat. Intimacy has its costs. The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to miss him or her. These include sexual desire and longing, thoughts about the future and what your partner is doing. Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important limitations of long distance relationship. Sexual desire is like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart because not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Take off your pants preferably for extended periods of time and ideally where there is potential for nakedness in video phoning or skype. Just use the wonder of technology to make yourself feel a little less lonely. Cybersex is beneficial because it allows a couple to remain in intimate contact throughout the period they are physically separated by distance.
Have a goal in mind
Like most relationships, long distance relationships will end in either a break-up or a lifelong commitment. It is important that you two are on the same page. Discuss the nature of your relationship. Ask the important questions right away to make sure you are both clear on the nature of the relationship. “Where is this relationship heading?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” “How about our differences?” “How do we deal with them?” While these can be hard questions to ask and might lead to difficult conversations, defining the relationship will save you great heartache and misunderstanding later. It is important to know if your lifestyles match regarding temperament, religion, political views and a host of other things. The truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever. Eventually you will need to settle down. So make a plan with each other. As long as you see the long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your hope up and enjoy feelings of security and happiness.
Avoid situations that will displease your partner
If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should not do it. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner is only going to become worried or suspicious. Going out with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you could be dangerous.
Support each other, even over the distance
Be there for your partner if your partner is ever in trouble, hurt, or sick because supporting each other creates interdependence that is crucial for a long distance relationship. . You need to make yourself available to help so your partner knows you care. If your partner ends up dealing with challenges alone, your partner will eventually not need you.
Be committed to each other
Stop going on dates with other people. This doesn't seem like any kind of novel idea, but it's such a common mistake that people make. You should be morally committed to each other. Going on little dates with other people is the easiest way to make your long distance relationship have problems. The best way to avoid this is to never respond to any advance from a single human of the opposite sex. However, it is important you see your partner from various aspects of life and how they relate to life issues before you commit your life to him/her.
Make visits each other often
Visit each other as often as you can without over-stretching your budgets and schedules because visits are the highlight of every long distance relationship. Spending time together in person will help you learn new things about your partner and remind you of why being in the long distance relationship is worth it. You need to see each other in person at every opportunity because after all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you have to meet each other to fulfill all the things you cannot do from a distance like kissing, holding hands, etc. It’s tempting, but you shouldn’t spend the whole visit cuddling on the couch (or in bed). Make sure you create your own rituals around your visits like get out visiting friends, trying a new restaurant, going grocery shopping and cooking together or sharing a favorite activity. Make a regular visiting schedule or at least make plans for the next visit as soon as each one ends because people who claim to be in long distance relationships and don’t visit each can’t say they are in love. Face-to-face communication is just as important to sustain the relationship. Try to keep a visit scheduled. Even if it’s a couple of months away, knowing when you’ll next see each other and having a date to count down to will help.
Do the same things at the same time
Doing the same things at the same time will make the distance between you seem smaller and more bridgeable. You'll feel closer together and you'll be bonding at the same time. Plan to cook the same meal on the same day. Watch a TV show or movie simultaneously. Use video phones to chat while having meals or watching movies together. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you plays the guitar. It is good to create some shared experiences even though you are living apart. It can strengthen your bond.
Take advantage of the internet. Choose a project you'd both like to do, like take an online language class or write a book or learn how to knit. Do whatever you're both interested in. This will give you a wonderful sense of shared history and you'll have something that really ties you together.
Make each other feel special
Try to do little things that let the other person know that you care. You may write love letters or send small gifts, cards, or flowers for no reason. Don't feel as though you can send only expensive gifts. The little, frequent things are just as important as making the person feel special. Be it a small pendent, a ring, a keychain, a CD of songs and videos, or a bottle of fragrance. . Every so often, go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued.
It's important to feel like you have a place in your partner's life. Try meeting one another's friends, family. This will help you understand more of your partner's life and make communication easier.
Stay honest with each other
If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later cause you great anxiety. It’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late. Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, and jealousy. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. Trust in a relationship is vital, regardless of distance. Try your best to be faithful and avoid temptation. If you do make a mistake, it’s especially important to be honest and tell your partner the truth because lying will only give you temporary solace. When you’re in a long distance relationship it’s easier to lie. Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression, you will have a much more difficult time figuring out whether you and your partner are a good fit for each other.
Know each other’s schedules
It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he/she is free, so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when he/she is in a business meeting or sleeping. This is especially essential when the both of you are living in different time zones.
Keep track of each other’s social media activities
Like each other’s photos and comments on Facebook and Instagram. Tweet each other. Tag each other. Share things on each other’s walls. Show that you care. Share something. Create something that you both can access and share, such as an online blog. This will give you a new way to communicate while also giving you the sense of creating something together.
Give each other pet names
It’s cute to give yourselves pet name. You can call your partner any name you feel expresses your feelings for him/her. There are no specific rules. It can be darling, honey, daddy, sweetheart, etc. the list is endless. You're apart physically, but learning to maintain emotional strength will enhance your relationship.
Lots of people are of the opinion that long distance relationship don’t work. They’re wrong. Because it didn’t work for them does not mean it will not work for others. Don’t listen to them. Plenty of long distance relationships have worked out in the long run, and ended in successful marriages. Many couples were of the opinion that the time they spent in long distance relationship taught them invaluable relationship skills.
Approach your disagreement carefully
Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but being in a long distance relationship makes managing conflict well even more difficult. When something doesn’t seem right, don’t ignore it pay attention. Discuss them with your partner before it leads to serious problems. Where possible, discuss your big disagreements in person to narrow down possibility for misunderstanding.
Learn to control any jealousy
Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual relationships let alone in a long distance relationship. However, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and ultimate shame. Endeavor how to control your jealousy before it starts to control you. It’s not easy, you can do it.
Talk honestly about money
If finances are tight, money can become a major source of resentment, especially if traveling to see each other is expensive. Being prudent in spending your income can help avoid this conflict.
Learn what your different love languages are and practice speaking them
Gary Chapman wrote, “Discovering the primary love language of your spouse is essential if you are to keep his/her emotional love tank full. But first, let’s make sure you know your own love language.” People tend to “speak” and understand love best through their primary love language. Do you know what your primary love language is and do you know how to speak your partner’s own? It is important you learn your partner’s love language.
It’s great to talk seriously about your affair, but ensure sure you make each other laugh, too. Share jokes with each other that make you laugh. It’ll add spice to the relationship.
Keep your partner on your mind
Make sure you have some reminders of your partner around your office and house. Put his/her photo on your desktop or tape it to your mirror in the bathroom or bed stand.
Consult your partner before taking major decisions
If you have thoughts of changing major things in your life, you have to inform your partner before doing so. All major decisions you both want to take must have inputs from you both. You should discuss the pros and cons and agree it will not disrupt your relationship.
Figure out what works for you when it comes to coping with distance
Everyone is different, and so is every relationship. Every couple has different strategies that help them cope better with the ups and downs that come with being in a long distance relationship. Figure out what works for you, and then adhere to it.
Have reasonable expectations
Every kind of relationship takes hard work and commitment of your partner, whether it's long distance or nearby to work. If you can learn to have reasonable expectations, these challenges will only contribute towards a better relationship in the long term. If you know you can't be together for your anniversary or other important events in your life, try to plan some special way to connect anyway.
Decide what to do for times you feel extra-lonely or sad
Everyone has days when they are not in particularly good mood. Plan ahead and know what might help you overcome such moments. It may not be very wise, for example, to go hang out with a friend of the opposite sex at a night club where you might find yourself drinking alcohol. you might find yourself doing what you might not have done in ordinary times.
The world is a smaller place now because technology is increasing the number of people who are meeting at a distance. Long distance relationships are fun if you both are truthful and honest about it. The focus should be on helping each other to create a loving and successful relationship. In fact, research suggests that long distance relationship couples don't break up at any greater rate than traditional, geographically close ones. Military personnel, police, commercial drivers, salespeople, athletes, and entertainers have loved across the miles for years.