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4 Steps to Make Reconciling Your Relationship More Realistic

Updated on July 5, 2014
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Introduction

Almost everyone knows first hand the pain associated with an unwanted or unexpected breakup. Unfortunately, relationships end daily and outcomes are not always possible to predict or prevent. On the other hand, methods for getting a relationship back from an unwanted breakup are not always known or understood by people who find themselves in that precarious position. When it comes to reconciliation, there are certainly "right" methods that are far more likely to succeed - and other methods that are almost certain to fail. The first step towards approaching a potential reconciliation is to take a few steps back and to view the situation as impartially as possible while maintaining an open mind throughout the reconciliation process.

Your Turn

Have you ever had to face an unwanted breakup?

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Step 1: Acceptance Speeds Up the Process

There are a lot of ways to react to an unwanted breakup and individual responses vary greatly. One of the least profitable responses you can have towards a breakup is to attempt to fight it and put up immediate resistance. If you struggle against an impending breakup, you are already the underdog and you're in essence doing little more than spinning your wheels and wasting valuable time. If your recent ex has already decided to end your romance, there is realistically very little that you can do to change their minds in the heat of the moment.

Additionally, resisting the breakup itself has the potential to backfire on you. The more you fight what your now-ex sees as inevitable, the more convinced they'll be that leaving the relationship is the right thing for them to do, and you'll cement their decision even more firmly in their minds. The bottom line is simple. The faster you come to terms with the reality that the breakup is, in fact, happening, the faster you'll be able to take corrective action to get your relationship back. You don't have to like it and you certainly don't have to agree with it, but accepting that it's real is the first step towards moving forward positively.

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Step Two: Keep Your Distance After the Split

A breakup rarely if ever means that your ex has moved on and has completely forgotten that you exist. Believe it or not, your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is probably keeping an eye on you in the weeks following your initial split. They're looking for signs that clue them in on how you're handling the news. As bad as it sounds, they may even be looking to see if you're noticeably upset or sad. In the simplest terms, your recent ex wants confirmation that you genuinely cared for them and that they were loved. After all, that's what most people want out of a relationship in the first place.

If you refuse to stay willingly on their radar, however, your absence will have a curious effect. Your ex will have no choice but to wonder about you and they'll grow more and more interested in what you're up to. Curiosity is a normal and natural part of the breakup process. If your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend's curiosity is not sufficiently met, their level of confidence will be shaken. Keeping your distance, therefore, accomplishes multiple purposes with incredibly positive results. Not only will your ex start to miss you naturally without any additional action needed on your part, but your ex ill also develop a naturally born curiosity about you which will grow exponentially in your absence. Keeping your distance is one of the most important actions that you can take to affect positive change with very little direct effort necessary.

Step Three: Take a Good Look at Yourself

Chances are high that you're different now than you were when you and your ex began dating. What were you like back then? What kind of changes have taken place? Were you confident, energetic and charismatic? Have those elements of your personality changed drastically throughout the course of your relationship? If so, it's possible that those changes could have contributed to your ex's decision to end your relationship.

The solution to this is rather simple when you stop and think about it. What attracted your ex to you in the first place? If these things changed, then it's possible that reconnecting with your former self and bringing those qualities and traits back can attract your ex to you all over again. Now is the perfect time for you to examine yourself critically with an eye on overall improvement. You want to do everything within your power to knock your ex's socks off when they see you for the first time post-breakup. Focus on emotional, physical and mental improvements and identify areas that could use some work. Find yourself again, and envision yourself as similar to the person who your ex first fell for. Those initial sparks can ignite again if you take steps to appropriately set the stage.

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Step Four: Turn the Tables and Get Your Ex to Chase You

Immediately following an unwelcome breakup, it's entirely normal for you to want to pursue your ex to try and win them back. You have a lot of things on your mind that you really want to say to them and get it off of your chest. You miss being around them, and you want to feel connected to them again. One of the most important things you can do for yourself throughout the process of reconciliation is to fight the urge to reach out and reestablish contact. If you get in touch with them after the breakup, you're damaging your chances of turning your dreams of reconciliation a reality.

If you really want to get your ex back positively, there's one key element that needs to be put in place. Your ex needs to develop a need and a desire to have you in their lives again. They need to come to the realization that they miss having you around. Once that happens, getting them back is a lot easier. Before you can get them to miss you, however, you have to be willing to step away from them completely to make the process possible. If your ex reaches out to you, don't respond. Keep your distance completely. The goal is to create an empty space in your ex's life where you used to be. Once that happens, they'll focus on you again - and that's exactly what you want to happen.

Have These Steps Worked For You?

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Last Words:

Don't go into this situation blindly, thinking that you can just play it by ear. Having a plan in place will ultimately mean the difference between getting your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend back or watching them walk away and out of your life for good.

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