ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

True-Life Interracial Dating Dont's (Part 2)

Updated on November 13, 2017

© Nicole Paschal, All Rights Reserved

Although the American media often speaks of race as if it is a biological separation of groups, that is far from the truth. In Anthropology, we are taught something different. Race is a social construct, not a biological categorization of human populations. To us, it is something invented and perceived by humans with only a cultural basis. Why do we believe that? Well, we know that genetic makeup (genotype) passes from population to another without boundaries. There is no group that has genes that another does not. Rather, it is the frequency of the genes that diversifies one group from the next. Also, there is no phenotype (the way we look) that exists in only one group. A native of New Guinea, Central Africa, India, Australia, and an indigenous Agta (Philippines) can have very similar physical traits. Despite this, race is still often declared a hurdle to cross in interracial relationships. Just like the invention of race, the problem is social. We allow it to be an obstacle through stereotypes, misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and fear of the unknown. Some learn such lessons early, but like the story below testifies to─others learn when it’s too late. Below is part 2 of true life “don’ts” in interracial dating

3. Don’t date interracially without asking yourself the “What if this becomes serious?” question.

Tale of the Dating Don’t:Perhaps out of all the stories, this is most tragic. A relative that I will call Sarah was attractive with a gorgeous body and great personality. Men of many races and cultures often approached her. She began dating a young rookie police officer who I will only refer to as “the rookie.” Both attractive and with a lot in common, the only difference between them was race. Since he worked the nightshift, they spent almost every day together. However, when they’d leave his house to see a movie for example, he’d opt to take his police car rather than his private vehicle. Since there were rules about civilians sitting in the front seat, she sat in the back, appearing as if she was a suspect rather than his girlfriend. In the beginning, being the sweet girl she was, she was okay with it. As the relationship progressed, she grew suspicious. In addition, she never met any of his police officer friends. Whenever she questioned the issue of them only riding in his police car or the fact that she never met his coworkers, there was always an excuse.

After three years and despite the fact that she loved him, Sarah was fed up and walked away. She was certain that her race was why she was kept from his coworkers, police functions, and why he never took her out in his private vehicle. I agreed with her and was the number one supporter of her kicking him to the curb. However, the rookie would not let go so easily. She played me many answering machine messages where he was literally crying, apologizing, promising a ring, and begging her to come back. I actually began to feel sorry for him, despite my anger at how he seemed to be embarrassed of such a beautiful and smart girl. However, Sarah stood firm and never went back. A few months later I had a break in at my house. It was one of many in the neighborhood. Coincidently the rookie and two other officers came out to investigate. Although I didn’t mention Sarah, the older police officers noticed that the rookie and I were talking as if we already knew each other. Shocked that we could possibly already be affiliated, the older officer interrupted and asked the rookie, “Do you know her?” The reaction of the older cop let me know why the rookie may have been worried about letting them see Sarah. The Rookie looked at me and said sadly, “Yes, I know her. She’s related to my girlfriend.” The other cops seemed shocked, but said nothing. The rookie gave me a look as if he wanted me to go back and tell Sarah he finally said it and told them about her. I did tell Sarah and even suggested she give it another try. She didn’t. Sarah was long gone.

Moral of the Story: If you are venturing into the realm of interracial dating with the possibility of something permanent, you must consider the “what if” question. You should ask yourself if you are prepared for a public interracial union if it turns serious. Whether greeted with applause or naysayers of any race, you must decide whether you will be strong enough to profess your love for your significant other despite what anyone says. However, if you have no intent of a long-term interracial relationship, tell your partner in the beginning.

4. Don’t date interracially if you assume another race has superhuman powers.

Tale of the Dating Don’t: A friend of mine, who I will call John, always talked about how if only he could find a woman from a specific race, he’d truly be happy in his romantic relationships. John complained that his history of dating within his own race had caused him to be miserable due to his mate’s constant loudness, bickering and complaining. He also said that partners from another race possessed more attractive attributes than the overweight women within his own group. I often tried to explain to John that behavior and race was two separate things, but he was firm in his point of view. The next time I saw him, he was attempting to parallel park his car in a very small space. Moving the wheel slowly, he was trying to squeeze in without hitting the car behind him. An overweight woman stood outside the car yelling loudly and cursing so loud I could hear it as I was walking by. Pointing her finger at him through the passenger’s window from the edge of the sidewalk, she was threatening him as he repeatedly struggled to park despite her standing there. After finally getting it right, John exited his car silently with his head down. He was embarrassed and defeated. As he removed items from his trunk, the woman stood beside him still yelling about how he couldn’t park the car.This woman, although she looked and acted like the women he had complained about, was another race. John had finally found the mate of another race he was seeking, but she was the same way. Essentially, the problem wasn’t the race of John’s mate, but his choice of mates.

Moral of the Story: Some individuals have proclaimed that mates in their own race have many negative traits and if they could only find a partner in another race, they’d be better off. Newsflash, there are no racialized gene for rude, lazy, despicable, pleasant, happy, or jovial personalities. Men are men and women are women. There are only individual personalities and if you continuously date the same type, it’s time to look in the mirror.

Just Curious :)

Should Sarah had went back to the rookie?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Vega Vallari profile imageAUTHOR

      Nicole Paschal 

      9 years ago from Saint Petersburg, Florida

      I agree and very well said ! Thanks for commenting!!!

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 

      9 years ago from Lincolnshire, U.K

      We do not choose who we fall in love with, it could be someone of a different race, or someone who do not fit the physical picture we have of the perfect partner. Then one day, boom, we're in love and passionately chasing what we always thought we were not attracted to.

      What we think we want, and who we fall in love with, doesn't always add up. And that is what is so magical about love. Great work


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)