ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

5 Red Flags That You Could Be Dating a Narcissistic Person

Updated on May 22, 2018
CaitBooth profile image

Caitlyn has both experience and formal education in many different areas.

Something to Remember:

Relationships are give and take. If the partner is not giving their share of the work, or the relationship becomes toxic, it may be time to step back and let it go. Narcissistic or not, no one should stay in a relationship where they feel they aren't being cared for, or if the person is harmful to them.

Red Flag #1: They Seem Overly Intense

This is not something that is easy to describe, but something that everyone knows as soon as they feel it. The intensity of their personality can be felt, and a lot of people pick up on it right away. Whether they start pushing boundaries the first date, or maybe the whole relationship with them just feels like an exhilarating drive in a stolen car, the fact remains a lot of narcissistic people are just intense.

If there just seems to be so much all at once, maybe try stepping back and slowing things down. If they react horribly to this, maybe accuse you of abandoning them or not loving them, it's time to run.

Red Flag #2: They Get Extremely Personal Right Away

Narcissistic people are terrified of intimacy, but they know it is necessary in having a relationship with people, so a lot of the time they will try to 'fake it'. They will use pet names early in the relationship, try to move in before most couples normally would, and they just try to squeeze themselves into the other person's life as much as possible, all in a pretty short amount of time.

What they don't realize is that 'normal' people don't act like this, even if there is an instant connection with someone. Trying to move in and saying "I love you" after dating for three weeks is way too fast for most people.


It may seem like they are just so in love, but be warned: once they worm their way in, it is really hard to get them out. So if they are saying things like "I can't wait to marry you and have four kids." and the relationship is barely a month old, maybe some things need to be evaluated.

Red Flag #3: The Relationship Seems To Move Too Fast

This one is related to them being overly intense.

The saying "swept him/her of their feet" most certainly applies to narcissistic people. They go from simple coffee dates to suddenly moving in, taking over every aspect of their object's life, in such a short amount of time. Suddenly their stuff is all over the house, all plans and schedules are around them and what they want, and marriage is basically on the horizon, if it already hasn't happened yet.

Boundaries are extremely important with these types of people. They, much like kids, will try to push and test those boundaries to see what they can get away with, so be sure to hold strong and be stern if they start to break them. if getting married after two months together is completely crazy, tell them so and mean it. Narcissistic people are a lot like children in a lot of ways, so it is important to be straightforward and mean everything.

Red Flag #4: Rules That Apply To You Don't Apply To Them

There are always some kind of rules in a relationship, even if they aren't written down in literal list form. People need rules to feel secure, and to feel like the other person understands and values their needs. Narcissistic people understand this, as they have many rules for whomever they are dating, but when it comes to putting rules on them? That is not allowed, according to them.

While they may say their partner can't have friends, or even just talk to people, of the opposite sex, can't wear certain clothes or otherwise they are trashy, can't talk to exes, these same rules do not apply to them. Many people often find the narcissistic partner doing exactly what they told them they couldn't do because it meant they were leaving, or that they didn't love them. Narcissistic people can be extremely frustrating when it comes to this, because they feel they should be allowed to do whatever they want, while the partner does exactly what they want as well.

And if rules/restrictions are put on them? They feel that they are being controlled, or that they are even being abused by this, and will react angrily. Beware of this type of behavior, where they say one thing to the partner, and then do that exact thing themselves, because that can spell trouble.

Red Flag #5: Arguments Are Impossible

It happens in every relationship: arguments. Every healthy relationship has disagreements, but the key is how these disagreements are handled. While most people can eventually talk through the issue, even if the road there can be difficult, narcissistic people generally cannot be reasoned with, or even spoken to, when they are upset. 'Normal' couples may scream, shout, slam things, or give the silent treatment to each other, but eventually, the problem can be sorted out and the couple can act civilly around each other again. Narcissistic people cannot do this.

A big sign someone is narcissistic is when anyone tries to argue with them, even over something trivial, it can turn into a five hour personal attack on the other person's character. Because narcissistic people deal with a lot of negativity and rejection in their minds, and a lot of times in their past, any disagreement with their opinions or ideas feels like rejection, which to their mind, is an attack on their character and who they are.

Bonus Red Flag: You Feel Crazy/You Feel Something Is Wrong

The biggest tell that someone is in a narcissistic relationship is that they either feel like they are the crazy one when dealing with this person, that all the issues in the relationship are their fault, or that they just knew something was wrong with this person. So if there is a moment where the person just says something or does something that is just not what most people think is normal, it's time to rethink the relationship.

© 2018 Caitlyn Booth

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)