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5 Red Flags That You Could Be Dating a Narcissistic Person

Updated on May 22, 2018
CaitBooth profile image

Caitlyn has both experience and formal education in many different areas.

Something to Remember:

Relationships are give and take. If the partner is not giving their share of the work, or the relationship becomes toxic, it may be time to step back and let it go. Narcissistic or not, no one should stay in a relationship where they feel they aren't being cared for, or if the person is harmful to them.

Red Flag #1: They Seem Overly Intense

This is not something that is easy to describe, but something that everyone knows as soon as they feel it. The intensity of their personality can be felt, and a lot of people pick up on it right away. Whether they start pushing boundaries the first date, or maybe the whole relationship with them just feels like an exhilarating drive in a stolen car, the fact remains a lot of narcissistic people are just intense.

If there just seems to be so much all at once, maybe try stepping back and slowing things down. If they react horribly to this, maybe accuse you of abandoning them or not loving them, it's time to run.

Red Flag #2: They Get Extremely Personal Right Away

Narcissistic people are terrified of intimacy, but they know it is necessary in having a relationship with people, so a lot of the time they will try to 'fake it'. They will use pet names early in the relationship, try to move in before most couples normally would, and they just try to squeeze themselves into the other person's life as much as possible, all in a pretty short amount of time.

What they don't realize is that 'normal' people don't act like this, even if there is an instant connection with someone. Trying to move in and saying "I love you" after dating for three weeks is way too fast for most people.

It may seem like they are just so in love, but be warned: once they worm their way in, it is really hard to get them out. So if they are saying things like "I can't wait to marry you and have four kids." and the relationship is barely a month old, maybe some things need to be evaluated.

Red Flag #3: The Relationship Seems To Move Too Fast

This one is related to them being overly intense.

The saying "swept him/her of their feet" most certainly applies to narcissistic people. They go from simple coffee dates to suddenly moving in, taking over every aspect of their object's life, in such a short amount of time. Suddenly their stuff is all over the house, all plans and schedules are around them and what they want, and marriage is basically on the horizon, if it already hasn't happened yet.

Boundaries are extremely important with these types of people. They, much like kids, will try to push and test those boundaries to see what they can get away with, so be sure to hold strong and be stern if they start to break them. if getting married after two months together is completely crazy, tell them so and mean it. Narcissistic people are a lot like children in a lot of ways, so it is important to be straightforward and mean everything.

Red Flag #4: Rules That Apply To You Don't Apply To Them

There are always some kind of rules in a relationship, even if they aren't written down in literal list form. People need rules to feel secure, and to feel like the other person understands and values their needs. Narcissistic people understand this, as they have many rules for whomever they are dating, but when it comes to putting rules on them? That is not allowed, according to them.

While they may say their partner can't have friends, or even just talk to people, of the opposite sex, can't wear certain clothes or otherwise they are trashy, can't talk to exes, these same rules do not apply to them. Many people often find the narcissistic partner doing exactly what they told them they couldn't do because it meant they were leaving, or that they didn't love them. Narcissistic people can be extremely frustrating when it comes to this, because they feel they should be allowed to do whatever they want, while the partner does exactly what they want as well.

And if rules/restrictions are put on them? They feel that they are being controlled, or that they are even being abused by this, and will react angrily. Beware of this type of behavior, where they say one thing to the partner, and then do that exact thing themselves, because that can spell trouble.

Red Flag #5: Arguments Are Impossible

It happens in every relationship: arguments. Every healthy relationship has disagreements, but the key is how these disagreements are handled. While most people can eventually talk through the issue, even if the road there can be difficult, narcissistic people generally cannot be reasoned with, or even spoken to, when they are upset. 'Normal' couples may scream, shout, slam things, or give the silent treatment to each other, but eventually, the problem can be sorted out and the couple can act civilly around each other again. Narcissistic people cannot do this.

A big sign someone is narcissistic is when anyone tries to argue with them, even over something trivial, it can turn into a five hour personal attack on the other person's character. Because narcissistic people deal with a lot of negativity and rejection in their minds, and a lot of times in their past, any disagreement with their opinions or ideas feels like rejection, which to their mind, is an attack on their character and who they are.

Bonus Red Flag: You Feel Crazy/You Feel Something Is Wrong

The biggest tell that someone is in a narcissistic relationship is that they either feel like they are the crazy one when dealing with this person, that all the issues in the relationship are their fault, or that they just knew something was wrong with this person. So if there is a moment where the person just says something or does something that is just not what most people think is normal, it's time to rethink the relationship.

© 2018 Caitlyn Booth


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