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5 Secret Ingredients Your Relationship Needs Now to Make It Zesty and Last

Updated on February 11, 2020
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Belinda is a psychologist and relationship writer. Passionate about relationships and how to make them work. Let's connect on LinkedIn

Do you know everyone thinks we're fools, right?

When we keep Googling "How to save my relationship"

That's when it hits you that relationship is hard to start and hard to make it stand.

Picture this

Like a chef, you need to learn to roast, grill, chop, and fry. He needs to understand what makes a meal tasty and fit for the king,

In the case of special guests for the king. The chef has to do his homework right. How will he put a meal for these special guests? What if some of them are vegetarian? What if others enjoy a lot of meat?

Will they like it when it's fried, grilled or roasted. For the spice lovers will it be paprika, masala or organic herbs? What about the fruit salad? How do I make it colorful? His goal is to make the meal tantalizing, yummy and zesty.

Same happens to a relationship

You have to identify the unique spices, best desserts, best tools that will help cook your romance. Not for a day but forever. Your relationship expects the best from the chef.

This can feel like a daunting task. I have made it easy for you by identifying five secret ingredients that you need now. To rekindle and glow your relationship. Not for a day but for a lifetime.

Here is the deal

Try it and promise to share it with a friend.

Let's dive in?

Reasons Why Relationship Don’t Work

Many relationships face challenges that make them go up in smoke. It takes time to shape a strong foundation that will fire up your relationship. Relationships should last but this is not always the case. Here is what makes relationships fail.

Trust issues

Trust issues are the leading cause of break-ups. You have many negative thoughts sneaking around. You feel insecure when your partner doesn't answer your phone call right away. You track what they do, who they walk with or who they talk to an extent of spying them. You check their phone chats, call logs and messages.

Different expectations

High expectations poison relationships. You expect romance like a in a romance movie. You expect your partner to spend all their free time with you. You expect everything is all about you. You want your partner to be perfect. You expect that your partner will solve all your problems.

Difference in priorities

You are not on the same emotional plane. You have different objectives that look parallel. You never work toward a common goal. You are moving at different speeds.

Compatibility issues

Compatibility goes a long way. How do you agree on different issues like money,friends, sense of humor and what you believe in?

Growing apart

Marriage can get boring when you have boring routines, cynical arguments, repetitive conversations. This makes partners find reasons to want to stay away.

Money issues

Money issues can represent both power and security. Partners should have a financial boundary that neither party should overstep. Unresolved money conflicts are the number one cause of breakups.


What Makes Relationship Work and Last

Everyone prays to have a relationship that will work and last. Here are five secret ingredients that you can use to flavor your bland relationship.

Sound good?

Let's dive in.

1.Improve on communication

Every relationship counselor stress on proper communication. Is there a magic formula for communication?

A Chinese proverb says "Trouble comes from the mouth,"

What is effective communication?

It is avoiding the use of negative judgment to the other person. Example:

"You are not good enough.......”.

"You should pay attention......."

“You have to understand my position............

The "you" language arouses people's feelings. Making them become defensive especially in an argument

Avoid universal statements that generalize your partner's character.

"You always leave the toilet door open"

“Everyone knows that you are bad".

Universal statement discourages changes as they only point out the wrongs. Talk about specific instances and try not to blow things out of proportion.

Separate issues and the person for example

"You never clean up. You're a slob"

For effective communication, it's better to say

"I noticed you didn't wash dishes this week”.

Don't be tough on the person but on the issue.

Don't invade feelings by ignoring, or belittling what comes from your partner. Example

" Your concerns are meaningless to me"

"Don't feel so happy-your improvement means very little".

The negative statement makes one despair and intensifies their anger.

Share your thoughts without pretense. Show openness and trustworthiness. Communicate personal boundaries and above all be an active listener.


2.Embrace forgiveness

Human beings are not inevitable for mistakes. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do in a relationship. It leaves one vulnerable. When you allow your partner to get away with it. You become the coward.

According to John Hopkins, health expert's forgiveness reduces heart attack, improves sleep, lowers blood pressure and decreases anxiety levels.

With all these benefits forgiveness is a core ingredient to a long-lasting relationship.

Forgiveness is not easy but a process. It involves making conscious decisions on what to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean you condone the behavior.

Don't seek revenge when you forgive. But think of how to calm yourself whenever you get flashbacks of betrayal. Forgiveness is all about being open to your partner. Accepting the consequences and being patient with your partner it may take some time.

Learn how to craft an apology that is genuine and remorseful. Mention all the pain that you have caused. State how you are willing to make commitments not to hurt your partner again. But forgiveness doesn't guarantee reconciliation.

To enjoy a successful relationship in the future. It’s all about how reliable, dependable and trustworthy you are.


3.Setting Personal boundaries

Are accused of being all over the place? Many think love is like an open wide field. No, the truth is the more room the more likely your relationship will trip and fall. There should be a line where you end and someone else begins.

Define clear boundaries that you all have to respect. Of course one can cross the boundary when there is a mutual agreement.

Agree on what you can say to each other. When there is an argument, some prefer free space that you have to respect.

Respect their alone time with friends and family. Set boundaries on how to act on social media. Are you offended when all the details of your romance go online?. Are you okay if your partner knows your ATM pins? Agree on what to share with one another.

Do you like to be texts or called while at work? Set boundaries on how often to communicate. Don't forget to set boundaries on how you'll have sex. One partner should not feel pressured by the other. To practice uncomfortable or unsafe sex. There is no worse mood killer than pulling a sexy move that your partner is not cool with.


4.Embrace positive thinking

The power of your thoughts affects your health, emotion, even your relationship.

A relationship should make room for positive thinking. Always be optimistic even when things are hard, unresolved issues, conflicts, financial pressure. Have hope that all will come to pass. As a positive thinker, have empathy and see the worthiness of your partner.

Concentrate on solving issues rather than creating a worrying feeling about your partner. As a positive thinker when troubled see it as an opportunity to learn something new.

Learn to tackle the situation from a different angle. Try to make it work. Believe in chances give it another try. Positive thinking opens the many channels of communication in a relationship.

If you always see the negative side it may take time to change don't expect to become an optimist overnight. Start practicing everyday and life will change.


5.Embrace the language of love

Love has a language. How do you communicate love to your spouse? Use these five languages

Words of affirmation

You express your love with words. Use words to build trust and show appreciation. Example:

“That dress looks incredible in you”

“I love your hairstyle today”

“Thank You for taking the garbage out today”

"I love you, I need you. I want you......"

Use words of affirmation every day they mean a lot to your partner. When they don't hear from you it troubles them a lot. Learn them, test them, try them they work miracles.

Act of service

When you do extra things it shows that you care. For example, cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry or baby seats. These should come as a surprise. It shows that you can stand in when your partner gets overwhelmed. Do them well not only when you want a favor from them.

Receiving gifts

Gifts show that you have been thinking about your partner. Give personalized gifts on special occasions, Valentine, Christmas, and don't forget birthdays. Do research on what your partner likes and surprise them once in a while.

Quality time

Giving your spouse undivided attention. Spend time together take a walk together. visit a park, Switch off the TV and tell them stories. Talk and listen it's your quality time together.

Physical touch

Holding hands, hugging, kissing and even having sex shows love. Do them every day, before and after work, morning and evening. This will relight your love life and make it sparkle, glow and shine.


Summing it Up.

All in all, you have learned the cold facts that make relationships fail. And the meat and potato that will make your relationship blossom. So go out and do it.

Keep the promise to share this with a friend.

Good luck and let me know what you think.


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