- Gender and Relationships
5 Things You Must Not Do to Narcissists
Narcissists are really gifted at dumfounding and confounding people. They seem to be applying a trick that we all just don’t understand. But the truth is, there’s nothing they’re doing to flummox a person that’s directly as a result of their cleverness, instead, what they do is that they take advantage of our responses to their irritations.
When you don’t know whom you’re up against, it becomes very difficult to accurately maneuver your way around that opposition. It’s important, first of all, that you’re able to recognize the quality of narcissism in someone. Otherwise, it’s just going to be like an archer who’s aiming at a target he can’t see.
Narcissists generally are egotistic and self-centered folks—who try to use people to puff up their pride, and mitigate their sense of inferiority. You’ll easily notice these people in their behavioral attributes, and once you do, you’ll be better placed and ready to take on their gimmickry and supposed cleverness when it comes.
After having a grasp of how a narcissist behaves, it’s time you brace up for his next coming. If you don’t want narcissists to drain you emotionally, steal your joy or leave you flummoxed at any point in time, you must be careful to take note of the 5 don’ts enumerated below:
1. Don't Expect Them to Change Their Behavior
Thinking they will or ought to behave better will give you a false expectation. And your expectation will influence your emotion positively or negatively, depending on the degree to which your expectation is met or otherwise.
Thinking they’ll be nice at your niceness is really not true. When they don’t do what you expect, usually, it only gets you mad. A narcissist isn't someone whom you want to get into a fuss with. They're good at winning arguments and making people dumbfounded who dare get into their abased territory of arguments.
Narcissists are generally interested in your attention in such a way that your emotions are involved. Once they see that you're really serious with them, they're motivated to do more damage. They just have no sympathy.
2. Never Be Afraid of Their Gimmickry
Another way a narcissist can successfully get your attention is through fear. Anything you fear, really, has taken a hold of you already.
When you're in panic, you can't think as sharply as you would under normal conditions. Your thoughts are distorted, and the narcissist is made even happier that he's not only got your attention, he's got you.
3. Don't Try to Prove Your Superiority
When you try to prove to someone that you're bigger than them, it's altogether a subtle way of saying, “you're bigger than me, and I know it.”
Trying to compete with a narcissist never really pays off. The trick is, just be yourself; don’t try to pretend you're this or that. It’s easy for him to know when you're pretending. He knows when he's got your attention, and usually, will use it against you.
4. Don't Try to Prove to Them They're Wrong
Never try to prove to a narcissist that he’s wrong. You might want him to see that he is, but you never achieve that by trying to tell or show him directly, you achieve that by letting him see it himself—indirectly.
Narcissists generally think they're wise. And there's nothing you can do directly to make them feel otherwise, hence, why try?
To make a narcissist see his stupidity, he has to see it through his own eye—not yours. And to make that happen, you must puncture the balloon of his ego. You must understand, as hinted earlier, that a narcissist's ego is never punctured by consciously fighting back at him—that actually makes him feel even better about himself.
As a result of this, to let a narcissist see his stupidity, you'll have to do the opposite of fussing and fighting with him: you must humor him.
Instead of fussing with a narcissist, why not try to play light on all him gimmickry; why not laugh at everything he says; why not encourage and support his ideas as though they're just too weak to be gainsaid. Doing this not only punctures his inflated pride, it also makes his stupidity glaring to himself.
Nothing gets a narcissist off guard like subtly telling him, “you don't matter so much as to get my attention.” Nothing offends him as being treated like a baby, instead of an adult. Nothing makes him feel like a loser as to notice he’s not being taken seriously.
5. Never Try to Please or Respect Him
If there's anyone in the universe who doesn't deserve to be respected, it's a narcissist. A narcissist really cannot manage the feeling of being respected, and that's why they always turn around and attack the same person who treated them with honor.
The way a baby mismanages money has a direct link with how a narcissist mismanages respect.
It might occur here that you’re kin to a narcissist, and you don't want look impudent, the best thing to do in such case is to be silent. And then find a way to leave that environment.
It's normal to be respected when you deserve it or can manage it well without being overtaken with pride, but a narcissist never deserves respect. Hence, thinking by your obsequious attitude you can get him to equally treat you well, is like expecting a baby to drive a car proficiently—it's impossible.
© 2017 Matthew Joseph