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5 Ways to Deal With the Pain and Disappointments That Happen in Marriages

Updated on May 12, 2020
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Farrah has been married a number years and has chosen to share from her wealth of knowledge and experience on marriage and relationships.

5 Ways to Deal With the Pain and Disappointments That Happen in Marriage

Two months ago I lost my job and it was a painful experience. Now, while a lot of people also lost their jobs this period as an offshoot from the COVID pandemic, mine was a harder hit and was also quite humiliating.

I wasn't a victim of downsizing, but was actually fired from a position I'd only just started six weeks earlier and all because I got implicated in a kind of deal.

I worked in a digital marketing company and one of my ex colleague who'd also gotten laid off alongside, informed me during one of chats about how he had a personal email list.

At this point we were undergoing a paid scholarship (fully paid by the company) on digital and email marketing and had received several lectures on the steps involved in email list building as well as its benefits. This colleague informed me he'd built his list to 77 subscribers and I was duly impressed. I asked how he had achieved this and he responded he sells ebooks and set up his payment platform to collect the emails of buyers.

Of course, since I was interested in building my own list, I asked that he send me his, however, he insisted I pay. A fee was agreed upon and the deal got concluded.

Somehow, my boss found out and summoned us both for questioning. When asked about the list I tried denying as I knew he would frown at me buying a list; he was o

The Discovery...

A new twist came in however during the questioning when my boss asked why I'd gotten involved in stealing the company's intellectual property and this confused me greatly. However, further questioning of my colleague revealed the list he'd sold to me was actually one of the company's email lists which was placed in his care for company use as one of the digital marketers.

He tried covering his tracks by claiming he'd only given me the list to boost my digital marketing efforts in the company. However, this reponse only implied I'd known the list was company property and knowingly gotten involved in diverting it for personal use.

We both were promptly served query letters and then placed on a one-week suspension. However, afew days to the end of the suspension, I got a sack letter.

The whole incident was surreal and I was devastated. Nothing I said in my defense was believed by the company. However, I consoled myself my husband believed me and was on my side.

It therefore came as a shock when I discovered later on that my partner had sent an apology email to the company, apologizing for my partaking in intellectual theft and assuring the company the incident wouldn't happen again.

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Dealing With the Hurt and Pain...

This discovery was devastating; I felt exposed and somewhat betrayed. I felt the one person who was supposed to have my back at all times had just thrown me under the bus.

My grouse wasn't in the fact he'd apologized, as my former boss is a mentor of his, but was from the from the fact his email had portrayed me as guilty and closed any chance I might have had to vindicate myself.

This incident was a painful one, but I was able to deal with and recover from my pain and here's how I pulled through:

1. I Identified and Accepted the Way I Was Feeling

I was angry, hurt and felt a little vulnerable at my partner's actions. The one person who was supposed to shield me from pain, the way I do him, had "sold" me in his effort to maintain the relationship between both families.

2. Do Not React

My instinct at the time was to lash out at him. I wanted to hurt him the same way he'd hurt me or retaliate some other way. However, I held back, choosing to walk away instead until I was calm enough to face the situation.

It took a while (I needed a lot of time to get over the pain, or at least get to a point where my heart didn't feel raw) but soon I was calm enough to also look things over and from his perspective.

3. Examine Their Motive

I knew the motive for his actions was a good one, even if it'd been done the wrong way. He was trying to smoothen the ruffled creases of our relationship and soon I was able to see this.

This didn't in any way lessen the sense of betrayal I felt, but it did diffuse the anger to the point where we both could sit down to have a talk.

4. Discuss the Betrayal

I didn't keep things buried inside, but let my partner know how his actions affected me and painted me in a bad light.

He'd acted with good intentions, but the process and results had been bad. In the end, the issue was resolved, which is always the outcome of good communication.

Your partner may have caused you pain unknowingly and not discussing the issue is leaving room for the pain to fester until it grows out of proportion.

5. Give It Some Time

In the end, time alone is what heals all wounds. Five this incident some time and soon, it will hopefully be a distant memory in the past.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Farrah Young

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      11 months ago from Chicago

      It's highly unlikely a woman's husband in the U.S. would have done what your husband did. If anything he would have been tempted to beat up the guy who got you into this mess.

      The move your husband made by contacting your employer on your behalf is equivalent to a parent apologizing for something their (child) did.

      Although what he did isn't a cause for divorce I do believe it's an indication that he doesn't see you as being his equal.

      Maybe it was his hope the company would "forgive you" and take you back. Nevertheless he only confirmed what they accused you of! Yes, you will have to forgive him in order to move on but it cannot be stressed enough that he should never ever pull that stunt again. It was disrespectful however well intended.

      I suspect if YOU had did the same thing on HIS behalf he'd be a lot more angrier about it and possibly feel emasculated in addition to being embarrassed. Sexism is alive and well in many cultures.

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