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5 “useful” relationship advices you need to avoid following
Too much work ruins your relationship
At times, you work so hard for your relationship, that it smothers the other person. In that case, the aim becomes not to make the other person happy, but rather assure yourself that you did everything that “cosmopolitan” magazine and others as such advised you to do.The message of the article is considered to reach the reader, once the reader begins to take non-standard approaches, or do the opposite of what the he is recommended to do.
1. Discuss about your relationship
On hearing this sentence, I can’t help but put on a poker face. When my partner wants to talk about “our relationship”, I conclude that either he doesn’t know about the status of our relationship, either he was struck by Amnesia, because does not remember how our relationship began, or my partner is showing first signs of Alzheimer. It might sound sarcastic, but what do you expect to hear? It is not a yes/no question.
The relationship is not a topic of discussion. A relationship needs to be built, nurtured etc. Usually, when it’s all going in the right direction, there is no room for discussions. You just let it flow harmoniously. The more you discuss your relationship, the more you complicate it.
Stop talking about your relationship! When there is a specific problem that needs to be solved, please address the problem itself. Do not bring on the whole relationship stuff, as you might just confuse it all.
2. Big expectations
We all expect glorious deeds in our names. Love changes people, and some of us understand it too directly. The one who loves has to be ready to overcome himself (even when it’s not his choice) to prove his love. Else this is labeled for untrue love.
I always thought that great deeds and surprises should be initiated by the one who is desiring to do it. Thus, expectations of any kind are unfounded. For instance, if you ask me to wake up early in the morning, (for some unreasonable reasons), knowing how difficult it is for me to wake up, I will decline. By unreasonable reasons, I mean anything that can be done in other time or under other circumstances. It is not because I don’t love you, but because I love sleeping. It is difficult for me to choose between two vital aspects of my life that in fact are incomparable. And each time you will have expectations, you will suffer from being put on a balance.
It is a major turn off when people want you to overcome something that they know is difficult for you to do. At the same time, they completely neglect many other things that you do for them. It seems that only the acts that are done through sacrifice are considered real.
It is normal to overcome your weakness by your own choice, not forced by others, even for the sake of your partner. Thus do not expect me to run to the end of the world after you, because even if I decide to go there, I will drive there by car.
3. Celebration of Anniversaries or other significant dates
While a wave of happiness covers you when you celebrate those dates, in times when you forget about them you suddenly find yourself on the verge of breaking up, being called the traitor, the heart-breaker, etc(fill in the adjectives you find appropriate).
It is painful when your significant other forgets about your anniversary, especially you yourself were thinking about it for the whole week. I have almost given up on my friend because of it. When he forgets about your Anniversary, he shows he has other priorities. You will be so hurt, that you will cry yourself to sleep on that night.
Yet when you wake up the next day, you will begin to rationalize things and look for an explanation for his behavior. Yesterday you were about to change your status back to single, today you realize that you love your partner so much, that you can't just let it go. And this means that you are maturing and finally beginning to appreciate your partner and your relationship.
He might have forgotten about you on one bloody day, yet the remaining 364 he remembered about you. Maybe I am exaggerating, but still your desire to justify him/her will make you recall positive traits this person owns. Suddenly all that was done for you in the past will become precious and invaluable. The neglected Anniversary date will be like a drop in the immense ocean.
4. Need to compromise
I partially agree with compromising and its positive effect on a relationship. Yet there is a black side to it. I have an impression that a couple who say the most important in a relationship is compromising has issues with it. Moreover, I think that those who “over-compromise” explode and begin to reproach each other.
I’d suggest to those who have just begun their relationship to avoid the situation when they need to compromise. Instead of compromising better build your relationship in such way that it won't affect your personal space. Do not get in situations when the other has to give in his plans/interest in order to join you. It is better when things work because you both have decided so, and not because you have compromised. Planning is an ability that can be learned. So why is compromising difficult?
No matter how much you try to please everyone, compromising still means giving up what you like most for doing something you didn’t decide yourself do. You won’t be able to escape the feeling that you and your interests are not taken into consideration.
5. Putting an ultimatum to get things moving
All the couples were in situations, when they had to push the person to make a choice, through giving an ultimatum. I absolutely understand those, who are tired of waiting around and they feel they are ready to move forward. One might think that giving an ultimatum, might break the deadlock. It might, but not without consequences.
Giving an ultimatum is a serious step. If you're not a manipulator you have serious reasons to give an ultimatum. Probably it doesn't affect only your life but the life of your partner as well.
Regardless of the reason, please remember that giving an ultimatum will never work forever. If someone accepted your ultimatum it is just a defeat battle, not war. It was just a displacement of priorities.
Everything that is not done from your initiative, even it's done for the sake of your lover, will be weighing down on you like a stone.