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How to improve your marriage

Updated on February 6, 2012

Marriage is difficult. I have never talked to anyone who claimed otherwise. There are millions of books, and thousands of movies revolving around the fact that marriage are hard. Some people go their entire lives avoiding relationships strictly because of the difficulty involved.

Looking at other relationships, we can often find fault easily, and mentally fix any flaws. We, as humans are inclined to solve others problems, while leaving ours sitting in the shadows, where we hope nobody can find them. Of course, the shadows eventually expose our secrets, and we are quick to lash out, daring anybody to say something about our seemingly perfect relationship. Saying that relationships are difficult is an easy task, admitting that yours is not perfect is the first step to smoothing out some of the kinks.

Here are some basic tips for improving your marriage:

  1. Trust, until given a reason not to. - Trust is an important foundation for any healthy relationship. If you cannot trust your partner 100%, you will struggle with jealousy, insecurity, and sometimes even obsession. If your partner has done nothing to break your trust, you must believe in them. Not everyone is evil, and not everyone is out to hurt you.
  2. Fight fairly- It is amazing the way we argue with our spouses, name-calling, screaming, insinuations, they are unnecessary and very harmful to your relationship. Next time you are arguing, take a deep breath and hold your tongue. The anger will pass, and it is better to have not said something that you cannot take back. Obviously, you will argue, it is important to keep in mind though that most arguments will not be remembered the next month, but the verbal attacks or unnecessary rudeness will be remembered indefinitely.
  3. Be honest with yourself- If you are being selfish, rude, or unnecessarily harsh with your partner take a moment and think about why you are angry. In the past I have realized that I was picking fights for no reason, or because I was craving attention. Be honest with yourself, and then be honest with your partner.
  4. Pick your battles- Life is too short to spend fighting. If you argue with your spouse every single day about everything that irritates you, you will drive yourself and your spouse crazy. Not everything is worth a fight. When you feel the urge to pick a fight, force yourself to wait one full day before mentioning it. If it is important enough to mention after the day, then mention it, if not you have saved yourself unnecessary arguments.
  5. Learn to forgive- Love for a spouse or partner is not unconditional, and we all have our breaking points, but if you want your marriage or your relationship to survive, you have to truly forgive. Forgiveness for major things will not come quickly, but you have to let it come. Forgiving helps your relationship, and it helps you. Really forgiving is like a weight being lifted off of your soul. Take time, express your anger, solve the problem…and then forgive.

There will be challenges that you do not quite know how to conquer, and fears that can’t easily be shaken. You can be with a great partner, and be a great person and still struggle excessively in your relationship. If that describes your relationship, you might benefit greatly from couples counseling, or even a simple relationship workshop.


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