50 Things You Sometimes Wish You Could Tell Your Girlfriend (But You Know You Really Shouldn't)
There are certain things that you know you just can't tell the woman you love, because, well, it's the woman you love. Also, it wouldn't be nice at all and you don't want to hurt her feelings. (But mainly, you know there's gonna be hell to pay if you do.) But, oh man, sometimes, you'd really, really like it... Well, know that you're not the only one.
Here are some of the most common examples (all in good fun, don't take any of that too seriously!):
- You look tired.
- Yes, you did gain some weight.
- Yes, you should do something about that weight you gained.
- You look just the same as before you put your make-up on.
- What's the point of taking so much time if you're going to look the same?
- The universe doesn't revolve around your feelings!
- Why do you tell me about your problems if you don't want me to offer solutions?
- Your sister is hot!
- My previous girlfriend used to like that.
- My previous girlfriend was better at that.
- Is that cellulite?
- Are those stretch marks?
- Was that a real orgasm or did you fake?
- I like you better clean shaven.
- Can't say I like that skirt.
- I don't think you should wear that.
- You look good enough.
- Isn't this boob bigger than the other?
- Don't you wish your boobs were bigger?
- Don't you wish your boobs were perkier?
- Do we really have to go to your mother's?
- Just tell me what it is you really want.
- Why are you acting crazy? It's not such a big deal!
- Calm down.
- Don't you think you're overreacting?
- Get over it.
- Cu-- or Bi-- (Come on, man.)
- Your toes are weird.
- You can't still be hungry!
- You sound like your mother.
- Why don't you ask my mom how to do it?
- Seems to me you could have said the same thing with much less words.
- How much did you pay for that?
- Is it that time of the month?
- How many guys did you sleep with?
- Did you just fart?
- Anniversaries are not important to me.
- I don't like your friends.
- Let's have a threesome with your best friend.
- Did you really need one more pair of shoes?
- Yeah, just keep crying.
- Your job is easy.
- It's a guy thing. You wouldn't understand.
- You looked better before that haircut.
- You really can't dance.
- You should do something about that mustache of yours.
- You're wrong.
If you ever feel like saying one of these things to your wife or girlfriend, don't. Just don't. Shut your mouth.
Or else, the sea will rage and the sky will storm!
Do you know when to shut up?
© 2016 Max Stinson