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6 Signs your Partner is Emotionally Unavailable and how to deal

Updated on February 21, 2017

How to know People are Emotionally Unavailable?

Emotionally unavailable people close the door of staying connected and loved, they do so as a simple defense mechanism but the consequences can be devastating in relationships. Staying disconnected can be due to factors such as perfectionism, fear of being intimate, low confidence level and more. And, unlocking this door is a big challenge. Below are the signs which depict this emotional unavailability and suggestions to open the door or to leave. And in case you have similar traits, this advice will help you have better relationships.


Emotionally unavailable people are perfectionists and want everything to be just right. They are scared of intimacy and when they find a defect they get a perfect chance to be out of the relationship. Couples must talk about their shortcomings and talk about them, but if your partner is not willing to understand and brushes them aside, your relationship has no future.



Emotionally unavailable people are often married to their routine than showing concern for the other person. They hate to change their schedule and are inflexible. Examining your flexibility is the first sign of knowing about emotional unavailability. How flexible or inflexible you and your partner is the deciding factor for your relationship. Emotional maturity is about compromising on the minor issues, though when it comes to the dignity, compromises are just not right.


Blame game

If your partner always blames past relationships and blames the other person for all the loses and never talks about their own mistakes, defects or weaknesses, it’s a sign they are emotionally unavailable. They are not open and will never take responsibility for their shortcomings which lead to failed relationships.

Emotionally abusive

Watch out the way they treat people they meet when you are with them. If lots of angry outbursts are there, this might mean their emotional level is nil, they are demanding and lack self-awareness. The roots of such behavior may lie in the not so happy or complicated childhood experiences. If this happens continuously your relation may become abusive and toxic with time. So, if you have invested in your relationship and there are no signs of improvement, it is the time to back off.


Inconsiderate behavior

If your partner is always late and not serious about commitments, it shows that they are inconsiderate and want to stay emotionally detached. They might be doing it knowingly to avoid too much of intimacy with you. If this happens too often, it is the time to tell you partner about your love and affection towards them and what you expect in return. But, if there is no sign of improvement in their behavior it means you are just filler for them till someone better comes.



When they are secretive about the real life matters, it may be a sign that they are emotionally unavailable. And it will lead to obstacles along the way, it becomes vital to discover them early on so that the consequences are not bad.



Little compromises are natural and unavoidable in life, but make it a point to not to give up too much of what hold importance for the relationship which should affirm you who you really are. Do not try to rationalize or make excuses for your emotionally unavailable partner’s behaviors. You will not be able to change it anytime soon but will invite a whole lot of misery later on.


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    • sunitibahl9 profile image

      SBHK 12 months ago from India

      Wonderfully explained, thank you for taking time out to read my hubs.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 12 months ago

      Excellent points!

      It's important to know yourself, love yourself, and trust yourself.

      So many people lack the self-discipline to stick to their "must have" list.

      The bottom line is each of us has to have our own mate selection/screening process. Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No!

      You learn to become a "better shopper"!

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Compatibility trumps compromise!

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      If either of you has to "change" your core being to make a relationship work odds are you're with the wrong person!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde