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Signs of a Cheater

Updated on January 23, 2020

Is Your Partner Cheating?

Recently ran into a long time male friend of mine who decided to join me for coffee since we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in awhile. Immediately he began to tell me about the details of his personal life. Not that I asked or anything. Apparently he was simultaneously involved with seven women. You read right; I said 7 women. Notice, I used the numeric form of 7 to clear up any confusions you may have. Now, let's continue. He had one woman for Monday, another for Tuesday, and another for Wednesday; and so on.

Before he could digress, I curiously inquired of how he was able to pull this off without being caught. After all, didn’t Ms. Monday call on the other days of the week? What if Ms. Tuesday or even Ms. Wednesday wanted to see him on Ms. Sunday's day? He responded with a smile and said, "A true player knows his game.”

Our little talk stuck to me like coffee stain on teeth. It wasn’t that his story surprised me. My relationship to a family line of male players had already giving me firsthand experience of the game and the different plays involved. What puzzled me was his ability to escape being caught.

Consequently, I decided to interview a number of players, former players, coaches and referees to get the scoop on their techniques. With the information received, I have outlined ways to recognize whether your partner is cheating. So ladies and gentlemen get ready to flag that player for his/her foul play.

The Telephone Game

There are no reasons to have the phone on silent, vibrate or off, except when at work, an important meeting or event. You can even make the exception for family time or special occasions like a birthday dinner outing. In the absence of these situations however, a phone that is always on silent, vibrate or simply off whenever in your company is a red flag that your partner may be cheating. The cheater either wants to hide his whereabouts from the potential caller (the cheatee) or hide the existence of the cheatee from you.

Many of the players I interviewed admitted their awareness of this giveaway. Consequently, they leave the ringer on. In this case, pay attention to your partner’s initial facial expression when he/she glances at the caller id. If the cheater is brave enough to answer the call, pay close attention to his tone. It is not uncommon for many people to use a different tone when speaking to an intimate partner than when speaking to non-intimate partners. Also, keep in mind that the cheater who answers the call usually keeps responses short and simple. He or she responds to the caller in a close ended manner, using one or two word responses. Many cheaters also employ the walking away approach.

Now, do not consider the phone always being on silent as an ABSOLUTE sign of cheating. For instance, night shift workers may require their phone ringers off while at work, and off during the day to prevent sleep disturbance. As a member of the night shift workers, I can attest to this. My point? It is important to consider the circumstances for which your partner’s phone ringer may be frequently off.


Doesnn't Answer Your Calls When Out With Friends

Excuses, excuses and more excuses! From the “I left the phone in the car,” to “my phone battery died.” Some excuses are simply played out. If your partner fails (more often than not) to answer his/her cell when out with friends your cheater radar should be going off. Some players admitted to blaming their inability to answer their partners’ calls on the noisy environment. They were somehow unaware of the phone’s ringing. While this is certainly possible, it is important to keep tract of its frequency. Does your partner only meet with friends in noisy environments? Is there a mismatch between this setting and your partner’s personality?

Amputated Sex Life

Stress, medical issues, psychological conditions, medications, and so on can affect sex drive. However, if there are no obvious reasons for your partner's decreased or lack of interest, he/she may be finding interest with someone else. Hint, hint!

Attention Shift VS Attitude Change:

Cheaters have difficulties with maintaining the same attitude towards their partners once they get involved with another. Some will eventually begin to compare their partner with the other person. The comparison could lead to resentment towards or lack of appreciation of their partners. Also, with the divide in attention, it becomes difficult for the cheater to invest the same amount of time or effort in his or her original relationship. Look for changes in time spent or effort invested in your relation. Do you sense an unexplainable decline in the quality of your relationship? If yes, begin to ask questions.

Always Suspicious of You

This one is simple and needs little explanation. A player is always suspicious of his or her partner's moves. The cheater will reflect his foul play unto you. Since the cheater is able to deceive you, then certainly (according to the cheater’s reasoning) you are able to do the same. The cheater’s suspicion of you can also be his or her way of offsetting your suspicions. So, don't fall for that trap.

Social Media Trap

Social media has its good and bad purposes. I have seen social media destroy relations like a fire in a forest. If your partner has a Facebook account, be sure to check the relationship status. Cheaters often hide their social media relationship status. Test their response. Convince him or her to make the relationship status visible. Hey, you can also take it a step further by requesting to be tagged in a relationship with your partner. Being tagged in a relationship with your partner is only possible if you are social media friends. The players I know aren't even friends with their partners on social media.

This list is by no means absolute or complete. If you suspect that your partner is cheating, it is best to have an open communication approach.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


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