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7 Reasons to Dump Your Boyfriend

Updated on September 12, 2014

We've all seen it: our girlfriend is going out with a loser. He treats her badly. Maybe he beats her. Maybe he's just a colossal a-hole. Whatever the reason, many women will just go back and forth about dumping him. They make up all sorts of reasons why they should stay or why the guy should get a second chance. But when a guy you hardly know starts treating you badly, it's time to dump him. And even if you've been out on a few dates and maybe you're thinking of calling this guy your boyfriend, if he starts exhibiting any of these behaviors, it's time to dump him.

Well, I say no more second chances. If your boyfriend does one of these things, get rid of him and don't look back. Never have any second thoughts about breaking up with a boyfriend when he does any of these things.

Men are dogs, don't let one poop in your shoes. (CC-BY 3.0)
Men are dogs, don't let one poop in your shoes. (CC-BY 3.0)
Courtesy of photostock
Courtesy of photostock | Source

Your boyfriend defecates in your shoes

I used to have a cat who would defecate in my shoes when he was mad at me and I had him neutered and declawed, so I'm obviously not going to keep a guy around who thinks it's funny to poop in my shoes. First of all, pooping anywhere other than the potty is not funny. Second of all, a man who poops in your shoes has absolutely no idea how close women are with their shoes.

And really, this point is somewhat symbolic. Any guy who can't control himself pooping and peeing needs to be dumped immediately. This includes peeing on the toilet seat.

And obviously, this can also be used as a metaphor. What does it mean, metaphorically, when a guy poops in your shoes? It means that he puts you down. Maybe you're out in public and the guy just doesn't sing your praises. In fact, he actively insults you and he does so in front of other people. This is kind of a way to poop in your shoes. He denigrates you, the things you like, the things you read, the things you watch. It's all about him and not about you.

Dump any boyfriend who poops in your shoes.

Maybe he's the fat one?
Maybe he's the fat one?

Your boyfriend calls you fat

Men are so totally unrealistic about women's bodies that they don't really have the right to comment on them because very few of them have bodies that anyone wants to look at. Most people are pretty ugly naked. It's just that most men who are dumpy losers think that they should be going out with Jennifer Lawrence.

Unless your man knows his way around your private parts like a horny lesbian, don't ever accept that he has a right to talk about your body in any negative way. Is he perfect? I'm pretty sure any man who is going to insult his woman by insulting her body has a few issues himself. In addition to dumping him the second he calls you fat, make sure he knows every single thing that's wrong with his body. If you need to, post it in a blog or send his employer a letter. Or rent out a billboard and post a photo of his ugly naked person.

Your boyfriend sleeps with your mother

If a guy really wants to hurt you, he'll sleep with some random floozy at a bar when he's drunk then claim that he didn't know what he was doing. So, you know, you can maybe forgive him if you're really desperate and convince yourself that it was a one-time thing and because he was drunk that's somehow a reasonable excuse.

However, when a guy sleeps with your mother, there's just no explaining that one. First of all, if you forgive him, how can you ever explain that to anyone? What do you do when it comes up in casual conversation? Even your shrink is going to tell you to get real. Basically, if your man sleeps with your mother, you have got to dump him and dump him so hard that he gets a concussion from it.

What's the most common reason your or any of your girlfriends has dumped a guy?

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Your boyfriend farts in church (and thinks it's funny)

Hey, we all occasionally have a huge meal of Mexican food on a Sunday morning or maybe just a breakfast burrito and just can't hold it in at Sunday sermon. But you know, most of us try to politely exit before our fart cloud makes it into the public domain. And I know to most guys farting is like a sport, so anytime they can let one loose, they think it's a laugh riot. There are just some places you don't fart and church is one of them. It's one thing if your boyfriend farts in your face, but when he farts in God's face, it's time to take a stand.

Farting in church is obviously just the tip of the iceberg. Any man who has really terrible manners needs to be dumped unless you experience very significant and very quick success retraining him. It might be that a man doesn't know his meal fork from his salad fork, but if you're able to explain it to him and then have him learn from it, you might have a keeper. But he is always the bull in the china shop, dump him quick. A man who embarrasses you in public isn't worth the trouble.

Your boyfriend kicks your cat or dog

People who take their frustrations out on animals are usually serial killers, so if your boyfriend decides he's mad at you and that means getting revenge by kicking your cat, there's a lot more wrong with him than his communication skills. Deep down, this guy has some serious issues and it's just a matter of time before he does worse. Get rid of him now and don't look back.

Now you can kiss.
Now you can kiss.

Your boyfriend vomits in your mouth while kissing

I can accept a belch in my mouth now and again from a guy if he's really hot or we've both been drinking and I can't really tell the difference between his breath and my breath. And I suppose if you're both alcoholics and vomiting in each other's mouths isn't uncommon, you can't get all high and mighty with him over an occasional accident.

However, if you're a normal couple and for some reason he just decides that he's going to intentionally throw up in your mouth to see your reaction, you need to seriously take stock of your relationship. There are a lot better men out there, especially ones that won't vomit in your mouth.

Your boyfriend hits you

There are far too many women in the world who don't have enough self-esteem to dump their boyfriends when he hits them. I'm telling all women of the world - the first time your boyfriend hits you, no matter what the reason, dump him.

Don't let anyone ever tell you that dumping a guy who uses physical violence isn't the right thing to do, especially not the guy. The guy is going to tell you he made a mistake or that it's just a one-time thing, but odds are really good that there's a history of physical violence in his past. If his temper tantrum is combined with any kind of controlling behavior, then you've got a candidate for repeated abuse and it'll never stop. Don't be controlled by such a guy and don't think twice about dumping one, no matter what he says.

Tell him to get out and never come back. Throw all his stuff out the window. Call the police. Never, under any circumstances, accept a guy who will hit you. Never.

Comments

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  • wildove5 profile image

    wildove5 

    5 years ago from Cumberland, R.I.

    Please tell me none of the above 7 has ever really happened to you? If so, you really need to find a better place to meet men! I'd say church, but avoid the giggling men! I did thoroughly enjoy the humor in which this was written. Very funny!

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