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7 Signs Your Relationship Is Over (Or It Should Be)

Updated on May 15, 2020
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Ms Macon is the Bitchface in Ask A Bitchface and often provides advice on dating, relationships, divorce, and Southern Belle-isms.


I'm One To Beat A Dead Horse...

Admitting defeat has never been a strong suit of mine, and it pains me to do so even today. However, there are certain signs that just scream "it's over", and they should be the signs you take note of.

7 Signs That Your Relationship Is Over (Or Should Be)

Now, if you’re anything like me, you hate to waste time and resources on matters that turn out to be absolutely fruitless. I have spent countless years in horrible excuses for relationships because of that refusal to just wave the white flag and call it exactly what it is- over.

If you find yourself in a relationship where any of these signs are visible, you either are or should be, on your way down to Splitsville.

This is them saying “I’m not on your team”.

These Are All Bad News:

  • You’re not sleeping in the same bed: This applies, of course, to couples that are living in the same house and aren’t on different work schedules. If your partner makes it a point to come to bed long after you’ve gone to sleep, or they just fall asleep on the couch more than once a week, you’re on your way out. It is a big deal to lay down with the one that you care about, not just to be physical, but because sleeping next to your partner is a healthy part of a relationship.
  • They compliment other people, but not you: The worst case of this is when they’ll actually compliment other people for the same thing that you do that they don’t seem to notice. “Have you noticed how awesome Nancy’s hair looks since she got it cut?”, yet you have been waiting for two weeks for him to notice your new do. You’ve become part of the scenery. They’re just not interested in your appearance, what you have to say, basically, anything about you.
  • They side with others over you: Hopefully, this is happening behind closed doors, but at its’ worst, they’ll openly choose sides with others in public. This is them saying “I’m not on your team”. With a healthy relationship, you praise in public, debate in private. Even if your partner is wrong in a situation, you don’t choose another person over your partner, definitely not in a public setting.

  • They don’t attempt to contact you throughout the day: It’s normal behavior when you have a little downtime in the day to ask your partner how their day is, or what is taking place for dinner, or if their meeting went well. It’s a little thing that you do to let someone know that you care for them and that you’re thinking of them.
  • They don’t make “us” plans, they make “them” plans: they have plans Friday, they’re going to the game Sunday, it’s never anything involving the two of you any longer. Suddenly, you’re no longer a part of their plans, and they seem bothered by the implication that you should be included.
  • They would rather fight and argue than be close: any suggestion that the two of you should spend time together is met with a combative attitude or a hateful comment. They just don’t care to be close to you. It’s as though they would rather fight so they have a reason to continue their shitty treatment of you.
  • You’re no longer intimate, even when you mention it: once you’ve mentioned that it’s been x amount of time, they should realize that it’s a situation that is hurting you, and try to rectify the problem. If they don’t, it isn’t a problem for them, and that is a problem.

Do You Try To Save Unsalvageable Relationships?

Have You Been Known To Keep Relationships Past Their Expiration Date?

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These May Not Necessarily Mean Over...

However, in my experience, these usually signify the beginning of the end. When you have more than one of these scenarios occurring, it's generally a really bad sign. It may be time to reexamine your relationship if that's the case.


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    • Sarah Malone profile image

      Sarah Malone 

      8 days ago from Canada

      As always, right on the mark...

    • Bushra Iqbal profile image

      Aishatu Ali 

      8 days ago from Rabwah, Pakistan

      Well said!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      9 days ago from Chicago

      "Admitting defeat has never been a strong suit of mine..."

      First of a failed relationship is not a "defeat" but rather life lesson. A breakup is for the most part a public admission a mistake was made in someone's mate selection/screening process.

      When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Like it or not there is always going to be a "learning tax".

      Truthfully when we're young we allowed "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices. Most of us never took the time to do any introspective thinking to figure out who (we) are let alone to determine what traits we need in a mate for life! It's almost the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      With each failed relationship we are presented with an opportunity to craft or refine our mate selection/screening process and must haves list. Note: These things evolve and change over time.

      What might have made for an "ideal mate" at ages 17, 21, or 25 may not cut it for us at age 30 and beyond.

      There are three basic reasons why couples split up.

      1. They chose the wrong mate. (They're too incompatible.)

      2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of one of them.

      3. They fell out of love or grew apart over time.

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication' which can overcome being with someone who doesn't want what you want.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

      No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.

      If you're unhappy in your relationship it's toxic for (you).

      The goal is to have a "soulmate" not a "cellmate".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

    • JC Scull profile image

      JC Scull 

      9 days ago from Gainesville, Florida

      Good hub.


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