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7 Signs that a Person Is Selfishness

Updated on May 19, 2018

Selfishness is something that has a blighting effect; it destroys relationships and corrupts personal integrity. Yet, people celebrate selfishness in others so much that they even esteem one as being wise for being selfish.

For example, people celebrate un-forgiveness, they call it being strong; they celebrate one’s refusal to meet a financial need, they call it being frugal in spending They celebrate a man’s refusal to be emotional (i.e., sympathetic in some cases), they call it being a ‘man.’ Little did they know that these are also ways people show their selfishness.

Actually, true act of selflessness is shown in one’s service to others; not just in giving material things. Some other ways of giving selflessly are: showing love, giving attention, being sympathy towards one’s misfortune, commitment in service, forgiveness, admittance to own faults in conflict, and so on. Here, I enumerate the signs of selfishness in one’s attitude.

1. 'Me-First' Attitude

People with selfish attitude would struggle greatly to have a smooth-sailing relationship. This is because they are not predominantly givers; they think it’s all about them, and that’s just enough to destroy any relationship. You see, every man has this inherent nature of wanting to receive, although this isn’t unnatural, it, however, has a way of making the culprit oblivious of the fact that a relationship ought to be a give-and-take relationship for it to flourish.

2. Unforgiving Spirit

Un-forgiveness has a bit of pride and selfishness in it. The idea of being selfish makes one petty in his thinking because it has a way of making you believe that your refusal to forgive will hurt the other person where in fact, the person being hurt is you. T. D Jakes remarked: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” How foolish would one be to act that way, but, in reality, that’s how it is: it distorts your thinking, and even affects your health.

3. Difficulty in Giving

Selfish people have a kind of mentality that makes them hoard their things so much that they find it hard to let it go. They have what’s called ‘the scarcity mentality.’ With such thinking, they believe thing are not easily gotten so they have to do all they can to fight for more, while still protecting the ones in their hands. Little did they know that such mentality and attitude never really makes one rich.

4. Lack of Trust in Others

Your perception of other emanates from how you see yourself. Or in the word of psychologist and author Phil McGraw, “You treat others how you treat you.” Therefore, for a selfish person, trusting others would be difficult because it is like choosing to believe the integrity in others when in fact they don’t believe the same in themselves.

This negative self-belief is as a result of a bit of fear which has its root core in selfishness. The self- centeredness in selfish people makes them indulge in corrupt acts, and this attitude in themselves makes it hard for them to believe in others, thus, they are not easily trusting of others.

5. Blindness to His Own Faults

“The only person at fault is him.” This has been ingrained in the mentality of a selfish person. Although the other person might be at fault when he’s in a fight with others, he, however, becomes blind to the fact that if he’s always at fault with people, people are certainly not the problem but he. This is a hard thing for a selfish person to do.

6. Communication Is Stifled

Communication will be stifled when selfishness abounds in the heart of a fellow because it produces fear. The selfish nature in a fellow first makes him cynical of other’s motives towards him, and then it makes him see others as intimidating and unapproachable.

So it’s pretty much like this: a selfish person, due to his personal shady attitude becomes cynical and fearful of others. Or in this case, as we know them, they are called those suffering from ‘social anxiety’. Needless to mention, they don’t get along well with people, hence, their communication with people is stifled.

7. Pride and Reputation Protection

Selfish people have a poor self-image. They have a pride and reputation that they are constantly trying to protect and this seems to be their only source of protection and internal security. This poor self-concept of theirs make them to always try to compensate for their confabulated inadequacy by pulling people down so they can feel superior.

© 2018 Matthew Joseph


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