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Things Not to Tell a Man until It’s Serious

Updated on June 2, 2015

There are things you don't say on a first date. We all have skeletons in our closets that are to be exposed only to the people closest to our hearts. Our first impression is what matters and we should try to do the best create respect in our relationships.

Here are things not to tell man 'til it's serious

1. Your family is nuts

Your dad's a drunkard; your mom cheated on your Dad, your sis dates every rich guy. These are the things you don't tell a man 'til it gets serious. Until he understands you in particular will he be able to know that you're not like your negative family member. The respect your family members deserve is also the respect you deserve. If you can’t keep your secret until it’s safe, what about his secrets. Exposing the faults or challenges of your family members doesn’t make you honest. It means you have too much baggage to handle and you need someone to help you figure out how to handle your family problems. This guy will not respect your Dad in order to be able to treat you with respect in a long-term relationship. Think about the awkwardness when he is meeting your family for the first time. He should only know a bit about their résumé when he gets to meet them.

2. Your last relationship ended tragically

When something tragic happen to you, it does not mean you're a messed up person. Even if you are; never ever give a man the impression that your last relationship ended tragically. You've learned from your past and you're now a better person. Let him treat you at your best, not for your past. Don’t scare him with your insecurity and don’t give him clue on how to treat you about a particular thing. Allow him to be himself so that he can treat you in a unique way. Do not allow yourself to be a victim in his eyes, and he a saviour. The tragic details are not necessary even if he asks you about the past. Be positive and yesterday will not affect your today.

3. Your number of bed partners

If a man is getting to know you, you cannot tell whether it's a turn off or turn on to talk about your number of bed partners. Especially if you're looking for a serious relationship, avoid giving that information from the beginning; it can never determine how good you're in bed. Divert his attention to something reasonable like getting to know him as a person. Guys can be driven by your interests and can quickly assume that you’re this kind of person even if you’re not. These kinds of numbers are only appropriate to share them with your female friends. So even if you’re asked by a guy about these details, just try to change the subject or say you don’t have one. The most important thing a woman can establish in a relationship s respect. Only the woman that is respected can be treated right. Not will be done against her will because she deserves to be treated with dignity.

4. Details of your single life

Single days are wild days. Most of them can make a man jealous or even irritated. So save them 'til things become deep and still hot. They might contain details that will ruin his passion for you, make him feel intimidated and even lose his confidence. There is always a kind of desperation, an action taken just to satisfy your crave for a very short time. There might be a wild incidence, the one that required risk and involving self into some unusual and unacceptable practices. It was great and worth trying because you had nothing to lose. Now you have something to lose although it is also possible to repeat that thing. So keep the memory to yourself and live today with all its experiences.

5. Your childhood traumas

Almost everybody has a childhood trauma; from abusive peers to troublesome lifestyle to some grown people fighting and falling on you. But all those struggles don't mean that you're still unstable and fragile person. Allow him to understand your soundness and stability before you can give this information. Giving details about your childhood trauma might as well require exposing your family members’ weaknesses in one way or the other. There are a lot more interesting stories to tell about your childhood than heartbreak or bad experiences. You only let people that affect your life to see what affected your life. So until it’s serious, never give a guy details about your childhood trauma. You can have a better relationship by not opening yourself wide to your prospective partner.

6. Current traumas

In the first couple of dates, we mostly talk about the things that are most prominent in our lives. Your depression, anxiety and fears might be something to share with a friend but not a date. No man wants to spend a lifetime with a woman that has a prominent drama life. Bring your values, ethics and standards on the table. Directly or indirectly, allow that person to have a small peep at your personality, your likes and dislikes. Save the other details apart from your job and hobbies when you also know that person better. And don’t start thinking that you’ve found a sweetheart just because he is friendly and seem to understand you. Many guys have that talent. Do not put him in the position of a saviour, rather than a partner. Don’t make him feel like he’s gotten a new job by starting a relationship with you.

7. That you loved him at first sight

Men love to chase just because they want to win you. They want to impress you, try hard to get you, so that in the end they’re going to value the hard earned girlfriend. Telling him that you loved him at first sight will take away the passion he has of impressing you or even being too nice to you. Although not so necessary, telling him that you know you're going to end up together at first sight is a big turn off. And it actually chases most guys away. The modern and matured kind of love is something that grows with the aid of time. It is filled with experiences that increases the bond between partners making them to realize the weakness and strength of each other; the essence of them being together; that there is no perfection in love but only two people who are wise enough to be able to stay together; and that love grows due time and long-term relationship is possible not by magic but by personal improvement and the support of both. Once you are cautious and hold on to these rules, you might save yourself a lot of bad experiences of failed relationship. You are also going to be able to focus on the other person and how they treat you, instead of your weaknesses.

Serious Relationship

Do You Give Details About Your Past Relationship?

Do you give details about how bad your past relationships ended?

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Some Ways Men Manipulate You without You Knowing It

Ever got manipulated by a clever guy??? Today you'll understand that men are kings of manipulations...not women anymore.

Here are the most common ways men manipulate you without knowing.

1. “Am I supposed to get things started every time?”

He wants you to increase your effort in satisfying him even when he does nothing. This usually happens in bed.

2. Everything is a birthday/going away/engagement party

He adds title to his "boy outings" because he wants to be allowed to go and get drunk. No don't allow him.

3. “Isn’t my baby the sweetest?”

He's trying to flatter the hell out of you to get you to do some unnecessary favors. This usually happens when his friends are around.

4. Become friends with your dad

He wants to create a "man to man" bond so that your dad will defend/support him whenever you complain about his wrongs.

5. Tell your BFF how crazy he is about you

When your guy rants for at least 10 minutes to your BFF about how wonderful and lovely you are, just make sure that your BFF is going to guard and cover you from any guy when you go out later. He knows exactly what to do to make your girlfriends reserve you for him, and him alone.

6. Tell you how laid back/cool you are

If a guy tell you how "cool" you are repeatedly just know that he wants to get away with something. He's trying to emphasize the "coolness" to your instinct so that you'll stay cool while he gets clever.

7. “Let’s just drive there and we’ll sort it out”

He wants to get away with that. Or he's trying to get what he wants first, before he'll say something like "I forgot" when it comes to yours.

8. “You know what dress I really love?”

If he says this when you're done dressing..., he really don't like the dress but won't tell you.

9. “I’d rather be able to do something really nice with you”

He doesn't want that thing you're suggesting. Or he's avoiding that thing in that particular time, pattern or place. So he's looking for cooler alternative.

10. “You and your mom should have alone time”

He purely doesn't want to hang out with your mom...even as you invite him.

11. “I’d rather just have a low-key, intimate night with you”

He doesn't want to spend money. He doesn't want to go out because he knows he'll relax while you do the cooking.

12. “I should rest so I have energy for that thing that’s really important to you”

No, it's just important to him to get away from doing this particular thing you want to do with him right now.

Things a Prospective Partner Shouldn't Say to You

If a man tells you any of these lines, run non-stop!

1. “I could never date a woman who earns more than I do”

Only a very unsecured and immature guy will say this. He's ignorant of the fact that you have feelings, the needs that have nothing to do with your income. Only an insecure guy gets uncomfortable when his woman is more successful than him.

2. “I slept with this one chick”

This might be an act of hitting, beating or just sleeping with a woman that he picked up just for sleeping. Guys that use this phrase mindfully degrade women in order to make any other woman feel beneath them. So you know what to do!

3. “I don’t find women funny”

Being funny is intelligence. If he doesn't find women funny that means he doesn't find them intelligent. And he's practically telling you this!

4. “I don’t like to use protection”

This means he don't care about your well-being, even his. Because if he's sensible enough he'll be the first person to suggest that you use protection.

5. “My girlfriend/wife just doesn’t understand me”

He's practically bringing up a challenge for you, to understand him. You need to leave that guy as soon as possible because if he's matured enough he won't stand there talking about his family problems to strangers.

6. “She was such a He”

People that say this phrase have inbuilt anger against women. If you mess up too he'll soon call you the thing. So take the race at a turbo speed!

7. “It’s just not something I liked to do”

The "something" he just doesn't like to do, when you look closely, might be the same reason why his ex left. So be careful with this.

8. “Because she was being stupid”

Ask him why he and his ex break up. If you hear something like “Because she was being stupid” he might be the mess before they break up.

9. “So I just stopped answering her calls”

Can you really deal with a non-communicator? Someone that doesn't answer calls when he's not feeling alright? These are the types of guys that can cut communication with you for no "strong reason", making you feel guilty.

10. “You won’t take shots with me? Lame”

Lame??? Does he care about his health as much as you do?? What about the sensitivity that's needed in a relationship? Don't allow yourself get intimidated by his remarks. Be assertive with your opinion and just get away!

11. “FML, LOL, ROLF, TMI”

Yea, you're not chatting online but this guy's trying to be childish. No lady, go find yourself a matured guy if you really don't want hurt.

12. “This one time I kicked this guy”

He's now trying to show his man-side. But wait, by telling you he punched someone?? No, that should only impress boys. Am sure you're looking for someone intellectually stable, not that aggressive guy with the animal instincts.

Do You Tell Him Everything About Yourself?

Do you always have the urge to say everything about yourself on the first date?

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Comments

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    • mayjdy profile imageAUTHOR

      Joshua D. Yahaya 

      3 years ago from Nigeria

      You're so welcome.

    • DawnMSamora profile image

      DawnM Samora 

      3 years ago from Akron, Ohio

      You're welcome. You seem to be very good with relationships. Me? Not so much. I am going to try to take some of your advice :)

      Dawn

    • mayjdy profile imageAUTHOR

      Joshua D. Yahaya 

      3 years ago from Nigeria

      Thanks for the contributions, I appreciate your perspectives.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      I completely agree with the first six. Most men don't ask women all that many questions to begin with! They'd rather not be reminded that you had relationships prior to meeting them. Women on the other hand feel the need to mention who they dated and why it went wrong....etc

      Only a young immature guy will ask a woman how many sex partners she has ever had. People beyond ages of 30s don't usually ask about it.

      #7 "Men love to chase just because they want to win you"

      Times have changed especially in the U.S. where pursuing women can lead to sexual harassment or stalking charges.

      The only difference between a man attempting to "woo" a woman and one who is harassing her is how the (woman feels) about that man!

      Two guys could say or do the same exact thing but if (she) likes one guy it's a romantic gesture and if she dislikes the other guy he's a stalker!

      Most men want women to give them a sign that the interest is (mutual).

      Unfortunately subtle flirting has become a lost art!

      One man's opinion!:)

    • DawnMSamora profile image

      DawnM Samora 

      3 years ago from Akron, Ohio

      I like to hear what men think concerning relationships. Thank you for writing this, Joshua.

      -DawnM

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