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7 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart After a Breakup

Updated on August 29, 2017
Michael Kismet profile image

Michael is a self-taught expert in human behavior. He enjoys writing and sharing his insights on the human condition.

therapy for a broken heart
therapy for a broken heart

How to Survive a Broken Heart

Is it really possible to mend a broken heart after a bad breakup? Absolutely you can, on the condition, you possess a strong mental fortitude and know what to avoid doing post breakup. We all can fall too soon and too madly in love with someone that will ultimately think differently. People need to keep in mind that no one chooses to love anyone, we either will, or we won't--it's that simple.

Therefore falling for someone that breaks your heart isn't your fault, considering it's out of your hands. Broken hearts aren't just for teenagers, there are endless individuals from all walks of life, of all ages, still holding onto past burdens of heartbreak. The following 7 tips to heal a broken heart are tried and true methods for moving on with your life, spirit intact!

A broken heart is just the growing pains necessary so that you can love more completely when the real thing comes along.

— J.S.B. Morse, Now and at the Hour of Our Death

#1 Embrace Your Individuality

Most people who experience a heartache can also suffer from a loss of their individualism. They are so attached to the idea of being with this person, that they can not envision a future without them. Coincidentally, the behavior and judgment that stems from this mindset are generally undesirable from the heart-breaker's point of view. It's commonly believed to be unattractive in a person.

That being said, if you were under any notion that you might have another chance with the person that broke your heart--let it happen naturally. From extensive personal experience, this has better odds of occurring if you have your own life and find your individuality again. But, the point is to be okay, even if it never does.

If you spend your time dwelling on "what could have been", you're missing out on "what is". Life is far too short to mull over unrequited love. Additionally, you should discard anything that reminds you of the relationship, such as photos, gifts, and objects associated with the person you broke up with--to truly let go.

Do you wait for love to find you, or do you believe in actively searching for love?

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#2 Realize You're not Alone

Just keep reminding yourself that there isn't a soul on this planet that hasn't felt the sting of a broken heart. Your situation might be unique, but what you're feeling isn't. For most sufferers, just being aware of that fact can be somewhat comforting. It's kismet for everyone, like a rite of passage, something we have to endure and survive. Reaching out to those around you can shed much light on your condition.

Talk to friends and even family members, trust me when I proclaim that everybody has a passionate opinion when it comes to these matters. Surrounding yourself with people that have been through the gauntlet of a busted heart can be insightful, as it is cathartic. Don't isolate yourself, communicate your feelings with others, get it all out.

How to fix a broken heart
How to fix a broken heart | Source

#3 Cry, so You Can Laugh Again

As aforementioned, one must get it all out--do all the crying that you plan to do. No matter how mentally strong a person can be, most can not avoid the emotional fallout of a broken heart. That initial pain felt can be debilitating and affect all facets of one's life. Learn to see the humor in such a thing as the banality of heartbreak. Here are a few things you can do to get those jovial and comedic juices flowing:

  • Watch comedies instead of romantic dramas, they will just condition your emotions, and predispose them to sadness.
  • Surround yourself with friends and new people that you find hilarious, especially a prospective love interest.
  • Literally, smile when you're feeling down, a recent study shows that smiling can send signals back to the brain encouraging a positive mood change.

#4 Avoid Sad Movies and Music

Much like brokenhearted individuals tend to binge on sad, romantic movies, they will also indulge in sad songs that they believe reflects their personal situation. This leads to a vicious cycle of frayed emotions, and will only be successful in diluting the mind in fantasy. To overcome the depression of a wounded heart, one has to face the reality of it all, head-on.

This is why heartbroken teens have a harder time letting go, they are more susceptible to seeking comfort and answers from Hollywood movies, and commercial pop-songs. These emotional outlets may feel good but rarely aid in healthy, long-term benefits for the situation at hand. You'll be better off out with friends and interact in the real world.

depression after a break up
depression after a break up | Source

#5 Keep Things in Perspective

It's perfectly understandable to go through a phase of hopelessness after feeling a loss in your life. There's an inevitable grieving period that you just have to get through. There's really nothing anyone can tell you that will mitigate the pain, or make you feel different. The right perspective to have is to look at the situation, objectively. People break up every day, it happens for a multitude of different reasons, it's not the end of the world!

Feeling upset from a bad breakup is perfectly normal, but harboring ill feelings of anger and resentment is never healthy. Nelson Mandela's take on anger and resentment is this: "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." These hateful feelings only make things worse. You can't move on if you're constantly holding on to all the bitterness of a painful breakup. We must forgive to move forward.

To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person.

— Jocelyn Soriano, "Mend My Broken Heart"

#6 Be Physically Active

People who suffer from a bruised heart usually go through physical changes and weight fluctuations. Either it's eating too much due to feeling empty or not having an appetite, "food no longer has a taste" because of lost love. To avoid this pitfall, be active--exercise, go shoot some hoops with friends, even walking around a mall will assist in keeping you from feeling and being "stuck".

Remaining active after a breakup can do wonders to keep you feeling healthy and happy. An added benefit is the positive body image you can maintain to feel confident about yourself. Engage in activities that require physical energy, but something that will also keep your attention. One of the most serious dangers when feeling heartbroken is being frozen by dwelling over what could have been.

#7 Finding Love Again After a Breakup

I am a realist, I do not believe that it's healthy to remain friends with someone if you still have feelings for them. But then again, it's part of the human condition to throw ourselves in peril based solely on our emotions--so to each their own. But drawing from personal experience, the best way to move forward; is to go out, meet new people, take on new interests in your own life.

No matter how motivated you are to move on, it will take time to mend a broken heart. Realize the fact that if you open your heart again to someone new, there will always be a risk involved. When you choose to trust someone, you have to accept the fact that it can end at any time, on its own terms and volition. Please feel free to share this article with friends and your social network.

Is it healthy to remain friends after a breakup, if you're still in love?

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© 2014 Michael Kismet

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    • Marie Flint profile image

      Marie Flint 3 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida USA

      Very useful topic and voted as such.

      Personally, I've never really had this problem, at least not for very long.

      Anger, while negative, can be a motivator and worked through--as long as the emotion gets transmuted within a brief time (a day or two, at most). One has to be careful not take rash actions under the influence of anger. Any decision-making while angry tends to be irrational (and often stupid, regretted later).

      The Banana Splits Song "Wait Til Tomorrow" (on You Tube) comes to mind.

      Essentially, a certain maturity and self confidence, balanced with compassion, is necessary to avoid heartbreak. Such maturity develops through life experience and takes time.

      I won't get into spiritual or religious aspects here, but a strong foundation, either through the immediate family or one's extended family does much toward the healing process when necessary.

      "Time heals all wounds." ***