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3 Great Signs of a Good Relationship

Updated on January 12, 2015

Where Do You Begin?

Bad relationships happen to good people every single day. Most people base their new relationship on what has happened in the last relationship. You go through a severe heartbreak, and that situation changes how you choose your next partner. When you're choosing a person by trying to avoid pain and heartache you won't always make the best decision. The reason is that you're not allowing yourself to have total perspective of your current situation.

Most people realize what they don't want. Based on that information, people compile a list of what they do want from what they don't want. But most relationships don't start by being life sucking portals of hell. They all start out with hope, possibility, and potential. Relationships BECOME terrible over time. It's both parties who contribute to its erosion. Most people want to blame the other person for the pain, but both parties typically equally contribute to the relationship failing. (This excludes abusive relationships) Why do you ask? Why is it both parties fault when it's so clear that this one did more than that one?

We are all socialized on being the innocent in a negative situation. The innocent gets the sympathy, the help, and the support. When a relationship fails this is what each person seeks to acquire from close friends and family. If you never take responsibility/ownership for your part in it then what lesson do you really learn. The one lesson you don't learn is how to recognize are the signs of a good relationship. We want what we wan, and we figure that if someone is giving us what we want that means they care. When they stop giving us what we want then this automatically must mean that they don't or have stopped caring about us.

We are all socialized on being the innocent in a negative situation. The innocent gets the sympathy, the help, and the support. When a relationship fails this is what each person seeks to acquire from close friends and family. If you never take responsibility/ownership for your part in it then what lesson do you really learn. The one lesson you don't learn is how to recognize are the signs of a good relationship. We want what we wan, and we figure that if someone is giving us what we want that means they care. When they stop giving us what we want then this automatically must mean that they don't or have stopped caring about us.

When you feel this way, it causes you to change the way you think, feel, and act towards the partner in your relationship. Even though this person is showing you every sign of a good relationship you may miss those signs because they don't always give you what you want. When you combine this with all the "lessons" learned from previous relationships you may have an incorrect formula for determining, distinguishing, and choosing what a relationship is. When this is faulty then there will certainly be obstacles that will stand in the way of what you're getting what you truly deserve.

To make a long story short, a good relationship needs a strong foundation. If the foundation is weak or faulty then, that relationship will deteriorate over time. Since relationships become bad over a period of time then it would make a lot of sense for you to recognize the signs of a good relationship. A lot of relationships never had much of a chance right from the beginning. But neither party could see this. All they could see was the hope, potential, and possibility. But if you're looking to create a new relationship, or if you need to know if the relationship you're in is a good one then these three signs of a good relationship will let you know


Signs of a Good Relationship

So in Love
So in Love

Mutual Appreciation

We have heard it said over and over again that one of the reasons why a person fell out of love with another is because that person didn't appreciate them. Everyone wants recognition for the good things that they do for another. A pat on the back is better than gold in some situations. Reciprocation is a must in any relationship. Without it, people are often left wondering and feeling like they aren't cared about. When a person comes to believe that this is their case then the next step would be to find someone who cares about them. We all have been in this situation. When you come to believe that you're being neglected that will change how you feel about your mate.

When you change how you think, feel, and act towards your mate, then they will change how they think, feel, and act towards you. By the time the two of you realize how petty you're being towards one another the damage will already have been done. For most relationships, this is the beginning of the end. Most people don't recover from this, and this realization of non appreciation set things up to end. So a significant sign of a good relationship is mutual appreciation.

What is Mutual Appreciation

We have all learned at an early age what appreciation is. We learn that if you're given something to say thank you in return. We learn to recognize when someone does something positive for another, and we learn the proper way to respond to things we don't like. The reason for that is when you show appreciation for what someone else has done for you it makes them want to continue to give to you. They want to do this because of the feeling they get when they give. What you're doing is creating a cycle of positive give and take.

This is the very reason why we want appreciation when we do things for others. It makes us feel good about ourselves. It makes the other person feel good about you, and it creates a positive situation for all parties involved. When we're dealing with everyone else in our lives we see the need to continue to appreciate and reciprocate the nice things that others do for us. But when we're in a relationship, this same appreciation isn't given the same the value. Most people tend to ignore the need to show appreciation for what their mate does for them.

They figure it comes with the territory. They figure that this is what they're supposed to do. By doing this, you're not only diminishing the good things that your mate does, but you're telling them that you don't care about them. One of the best signs of a good relationship is when both parties mutually appreciate what each one does. It takes the two of you to make a relationship work. It does take both of you to make the relationship fail. If you want to improve your relationship the best place to start is by appreciating what each person does for the other. You will be creating a cycle of positive reciprocation that both of you benefit from.

It Has to Get Better

Don't Be Depressed
Don't Be Depressed

TrueTransparency

At the beginning of every relationship, each person does their very best to get the other person to see them as the one they want. One way that a person accomplishes this is to become transparent. What does that mean? Being transparent means that you allow yourself complete openness with the other person about everything. This means your past, your present, your family, your secrets, and other things that you don't openly share with other people. We allow ourselves transparency because we want the other person to find in us the things that will make them the most comfortable. We want them to find in us the things that will make us the best choice. Then we want them to find in us the things that will create love and loyalty.

We want to be chosen. If that means that you have to go the extra mile so we are the only choice that's why most of us will go that extra mile. But what happens in most relationships is that the transparency becomes cloudy or it's rendered unnecessary. The less transparent you are in a relationship the more that relationship has problems. Think about it like this. When someone gives you something freely and openly you expect for this to regularly occur. When that person suddenly stops or becomes selfish with that thing you tend to feel hurt and betrayed. The first thing you want to know is why did they do that? Or you want to know what did you do wrong? The more they pull away from you the more you're compelled to want to know the reason for this. When you don't get that reason the way you feel about that person starts to change.

When you think about transparency you should think about it as being completely open and honest. A lot of people think that all you need to do is TELL the truth. But being honest is more than that. People tend to try to manipulate the actions and outcomes of their relationships. For instance, a situation will happen that you know your partner will be upset about. So you think,to yourself of the best way to handle the situation without causing any problems for the two of you. So you withhold, certain details to not upset the other person.

When they do find out about it they will become upset about it. The fact that you hid this from them is what causes them to become angry. They feel like you tried to take something away from them. Most people want the opportunity to show what kind of person they truly are. When you deny them this chance, they feel like you don't have a positive opinion of them. They feel that you don't know them enough to let them do what it is that they do. Transparency is necessary if you want to keep a relationship on good terms. True transparency means that no matter what happens you won't try to affect the outcome by hiding, omitting, or changing aspects of this situation that deny the other person the reason for being who they are.

This is another sign of a good relationship. When you there is complete transparency in both people in the relationship you have a real relationship. This means that problems get solved better and quicker, and that these problems will stay resolved once addressed. Most people experience the difficulty of having the same problems over again. This repetitive anguish creates wear and tear on the relationship. Eventually, this can lead to the relationship failing.

Bad Relationships - 3 Common Causes of a Bad Relationship

Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship. But most people don't know what good communication is. They think that great communication is telling someone something, and then that person doing what they want them to do. Or they think it's that person not doing something that don't like. Most relationships start to fail because there isn't any good communication between both partners.

Communication is more than just talking to a person to get what you want. It's about being understood. Most times when there is conflict in a relationship it's because one person has failed to understand the other. Since people think that they know the other person so well they believe that they can predict how the other person is feeling and thinking. This is true some of the time, but it's not true most of the time. Just like with transparency, you have to give the other person the benefit of being who they are.

You can take a person who has felt a certain way about a specific issue and know they feel this way 100% percent of the time and be right. But people change, and when they do so do their stances on some situations. If you and that person haven't discussed this change then the next time you assume that's how they feel you will be wrong. When that person is confronted with your opinion of what they think and feel they feel robbed to express their true feelings or thoughts on that issue. You can see how this causes problems.

Another issue with good communication is not listening. Since the parties in the relationship know that they know the other person backwards and forwards when there's an issue most assume that they already know how to handle it. They feel they already know the feeling and thinking behind it. Once again, this isn't always correct. Most times you won't always have the correct assessment of the issue. The main reason that makes understanding hard to reach is because you didn't hear all the details. When that happens your understanding of the situation is incorrect. And that incorrect understanding leads to more problems.

The last issue with good communication is how the delivery of the message. Some people think that yelling is a good way to get their point across. Others think that a condescending tone is a good way to express their feelings. Some people think that shutting down or shutting that person out can make their point for them. When the way you talk to a person is the problem then this can cause lots of issues in that relationship. The way you deliver a message is as important as how you receive the message. Yes, it's hard sometimes to do things the right way especially when you're in the heat of the moment. But recognition of this can make all the difference in a relationship.

Is He Cheating On You? There's Only One Way to Find Out!

Conclusion

There are many other signs of a good relationship that a person can use. You have to take it one step at a time, and be committed each day to making that relationship work. People expect for relationships to function properly because they love each other. That is a great thing if it actually happened this way, but we all know that it doesn't. The main thing that you really want to look for is if the other person is willing to make the relationship better. You can have all the signs you want, but if the two of you aren't making a joint effort to do that then what results can you actually expect to get.

What are some sure signs of a good relationship that you know are true? Leave them in the comment section below.

How do you create a good relationship?

When It All Works Out

So Much Love to Give
So Much Love to Give

Comments

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    • ZRMoore profile image
      Author

      ZRMoore 2 years ago

      Right!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Actually in my first comment I mentioned the signs or traits of a good relationship.

      "The goal is to find someone who (shares your same values), (wants the same things for the relationship), (naturally agrees with you) on how to obtain those things, and last but not least (there is mutual depth of love and desire) for one another." Determine if you can accept him/her as is. If not, move on.

      In my second comment I was addressing one of your statements concerning (our choices being manipulated) because people lie to us. I was simply pointing out ways to combat that by taking our time to evaluate people.

      I'm not out to promote my book which has been out already for almost three years. In fact I offer the book free on Amazon's Kindle 2-3 times a year. Most of my hubs are about (dating and relationships) because I too have a sincere interest in helping people in this area of life. Have a wonderful 2015!

    • ZRMoore profile image
      Author

      ZRMoore 2 years ago

      Great statement, but nothing to do with signs of a good relationship and everything to do with book promotion. No doubt your book is probably very good.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      With age and experience comes wisdom. A lot of folks are still of the mindset that they'll "believe anything you tell them until it's proven wrong." In my opinion that's a conman's dream come true!

      I believe (trust is like respect) in that it's something that should be (earned) over time. After one or two heartbreaks most people learn not to drop their guard down so easily or quickly.

      Since we have no control over others it's up to each of us to learn to become a "better shopper". We have to focus on the things (we) can control.

      Just like a company has a "hiring process" everyone should have their own "mate selection process". Most people however would rather allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. They're of the mindset of "follow your heart".

      In my book "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) I say:

      Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.

      Ideally everyone should learn to approach relationships with complete awareness, having realistic expectations, and use self-empowerment techniques. When we change our circumstances change.

      The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world! http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Relationship-E...

    • ZRMoore profile image
      Author

      ZRMoore 2 years ago

      I agree with all of your points, but I think that when you're with a person who is choosing what to reveal to you and what not to reveal to you you're not able to make an informed decision because you really don't have all the facts. It's not that people shouldn't tell lies because everyone lies. It's what they choose to lie to you about.

      This model of selective truth has caused more harm to people than people than any other thing. Think about big businesses who willingly omit details about their products or factories that have killed millions of people throughout the years. If a person is manipulative about showing you who they are then how are you to know exactly what you're dealing with. So you have to have some type of indicator that can possibly help you to find this out before its too late.

      People always say these things about everyone does this and that, and you should manage your choices by being overly cautious. The fact is, you won't most times know you've been lied to until its too late. By then your choices have been manipulated, and now you're dealing with consequences you either didn't have to or didn't need to deal with at all. People do manipulate how others think and feel about them. It's a fact, and yes we do choose the people that are in our lives. But if you had the truth from the beginning, this would seriously affect who we CHOOSE to let into our lives in the first place. People understand and know this, and that is why they do what they do.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Oftentimes the issue isn't that someone doesn't love us as much as it is {they don't love us the way (we) want to be loved.}

      There is an assumption by most folks that there is one "universal way" of expressing love. When a person doesn't act in accordance to what (we) believe a person "in love" would we say or think along the lines of "If you loved me you would....etc"

      The reason why this was a non issue in the beginning isn't because people were "transparent" but just the complete opposite in my opinion!

      The "infatuation phase" tends to be a time where everyone bends over backwards to "impress or please" the object of our affections.

      If you think someone is "hot" generally speaking you're going to try to avoid saying or doing anything that may offend them or ruin your chances of getting together. However after there is an "emotional investment" or "commitment" people tend to RELAX and reveal their "authentic selves".

      Whether you're a true victim of "bait & switch" or this is simply how this person believes love works (do everything early on and then slack off) it can still be painful lesson. It's important not to get completely swept away during the "infatuation phase" of any relationship or believe you've met your "soul-mate". You don't start to see the "real person" until after you've had some disagreements and resolved a few issues concerning each other's boundaries and expectations.

      One final note about transparency, lying, or keeping secrets. Odds are no one is going to tell you "everything" that (you) consider to be important especially if they them self do not consider it to be all that important.

      The purpose of a lie is to manipulate the thoughts and reactions of the person listening. There are two basics reasons why people lie.

      1. To avoid loss of some kind or painful repercussions or hurting/disappointing others with the truth.

      2. To keep the thrill alive! Whatever they've been up to they don't want to stop and it is assumed if you knew you'd want them to.

      Communication is not an "ask an it shall be given" proposition. Communication is nothing more than one person expressing an idea or thought and the other person acknowledging they heard and understood what was said. Communication should never be confused with "action".

      Just because one did not get what (they) wanted does not mean there was a communication problem. There are two reasons why someone would not give you what you've asked for after you explained it's importance.

      1. They don't have it to give. (In other words it's not who they are.)

      2. They don't believe you are worth the effort to give it to.

      At best communication is a GPS system for relationships. It can let you know if you're still on the same page. You're either "growing together" or "growing apart".

      Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is mutual depth of love and desire for one another. It takes time to truly get to know someone.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as they are or move on. The choice is up to us.