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9 Signs He Is Not the One

Updated on June 27, 2018
Filip Stojkovski profile image

Passionately interested about the arts, especially drawing and painting. Professionally works as a web developer.

We all go through relationships that are not right for us until we find the one. And sometimes that process is longer than it should be, simply because we are still trying to make it work with people that are not right for us. So how do you know when a guy is simply not right for you? Here are 9 signs he's not the one that you just can't ignore.

1. He’s Doesn't Want to Be Exclusive with You

This is a big red flag your partner is definitely not the one. If he would prefer that other people not know you two are together, that means he’s not ready to commit to you, and doesn't take the relationship with you very seriously. He also probably wants to keep his status as a single guy and be available in the dating world. A guy who truly likes you will be proud to be seen with you and be exclusive with you.

2. He’s Overly Jealous and Controlling

Is your partner accusing you of cheating? Does he try to control where you go or what you wear all the time? Sometimes people are overly jealous because they lack trust early in the relationship. But in many cases an overly jealous and controlling boyfriend only gets worse as the relationship progresses. Especially if he shows signs of a controlling\abusive person.

3. He’s Untrustworthy

Have you caught him lying to you ? Do you find that the stories he’s telling simply don’t add up? Has someone that you trust and is unbiased told you that he is cheating on you? If you feel like you can’t trust him and have already caught him lying multiple times a relationship with him is just going to bring you anxiety and unhappiness. Trust is very important for a relationship to work. So if it’s not there, it’s better to let him go.

4. You Have to Force Him to Commit

A guy who wants to commit simply wants to commit and is open about it. If you have to force your partner to commit to you, chances are you will never succeed, and even if you do, your partner may change his mind again. If what you want is a committed relationship, date people who are ready to commit to you.

5. He’s Overly Secretive

We all have feelings and things we want to keep to ourselves from time to time. And not everyone is super comfortable with opening up and talking about their life and their feelings. But a relationship requires openness and sharing in order for intimacy and trust to form. If your partner is not willing or able to open up emotionally, and doesn’t trust you with sharing his life with you it would be very difficult to have a intimate relationship with him.

6. He’s Not a Good Listener

Does your guy always seem 'zoned out' when you are talking to him, with nothing to add to the conversation? Does he make facial expressions as if he doesn't find what you are saying exiting or interesting? A person who isn't interested in what you have to say probably isn't very interested in you as a person, so you should probably reconsider the relationship with him.

7. He’s Rushing the Relationship

When a guy is rushing the relationship it may not necessarily be a bad thing, but in many cases it is for various reasons. A lot of guys who rush the relationship often get bored after the honeymoon phase. Or, the reason they are rushing may be because they are too possessive which is also not a good trait of a good partner.

8. You Want to Change Him

If you start a relationship with the idea that you will change your partner that relationship is likely not right for you. When you want to change someone, you are either too focused on his flaws or you know from the get go he isn’t right for you, but you still don’t want to give up the idea of dating him. It always better to date someone you accept as a person, than get frustrated with someone you want to change.

9. You Are the Only One Putting Effort in the Relationship

You can tell you are the only putting effort in the relationship if you don’t see a lot of initiative and excitement in your partner. Are you the only one who makes the calls and plans? Does your partner never call or text first? Try to stop initiating dates and plans together and see how your partner reacts to it. If he doesn't call, you know he was never really that much into you. If he does, it means he gets interested only when you don’t show interest, and that can never be a good thing for a relationship.

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    • dredcuan profile image

      Travel Chef 

      23 months ago from Manila

      Perfect list here! To sum up all these points, Commitment is the best foundation of every good relationship. When two people are committed, they will stay together during ups and lows of their relationships.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      23 months ago from Chicago

      Excellent list!

      I would also add he's under age 30 in most instances.

      Any young woman in her teens and 20s dating guys her own age is likely setting herself up for heartache. The truth is the vast majority of guys in that age range are in no hurry to become their parents: As in getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having children. They see their youth as a time for having fun!

      The very thought of settling down is like watching their life flash before their eyes! Most guys in their 20s either just left a college dorm room or escaped from their parent's basement.

      Their top priorities are to establish a career, party with friends, watch sports, play video games and get laid. In fact the average age of a first time groom in the U.S. is (29). According to statistics the average age a person loses their virginity in the U.S. is (17) so in essence the "average guy" is going to have at least 12 years of an active sex life before getting married.

      However the truth is with more people cohabitating it's not unusual for both men and women to get married in their early 30s.

      Many young women also go through a "bad boy" phase.

      Essentially they're not attracted to "nice guys". All of the traits you've listed are usually associated with "bad boys". For some reason these guys are always in demand by the ladies. Maybe it's because they are viewed as being a "challenge" or a "project". Some women love guys who are "puzzles" which causes them to have to "figure out" what he meant by this or that.

      They see reliability and predictability is boring.

      In large part romance novels and Hollywood movies have convinced many women in particular that love is (suppose) to come with "drama", "power struggles", breakups and makeups and turmoil eventually leading to "happily ever after".

      Bottom line if a guy doesn't share your same values or wants what you want then you're wasting your time dating him.

      There are two basic reasons why guys do not propose.

      1. Timing (Settling down/marriage isn't a top priority)

      2. You are not "the one".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      According to the U.S. Census Bureau of statistics indicated in 2008 (there were only 16% of men who were between the ages of 40 and 44 who had never been married. That was before "same sex" marriage was legal. Therefore we're likely seen the percentage of men who get married rise. If 84% - 90% of men will get married at least once by age 44, odds are the guy you're dating is going to get married. It just may not be to (you).

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