- Gender and Relationships
9 mistakes to avoid in the quest for Mr. Right
1. Ban the words “My Boyfriend” from your vocabulary. If you have a boyfriend already, and you’re still out looking for Mr. Right, dump the other guy immediately. You can survive without a man until you find your one true love. After all, what if no one better comes along? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with “Mr. Not too bad”?
The problem is that most guys worth their salt are honorable (Gee, imagine that) and will quickly give up on you if you mention a boyfriend in the course of any given sentence. Of course, this can come in handy if you’re trying to scare away a guy who’s making advances on you, but who doesn’t quite pass muster (or is downright yucky.)
2. Be careful what fingers you wear your rings on. Mr. Right doesn’t want to chase after any married women either, and you can bet that if he’s interested in you, he’s going to be glancing at your hands, looking to see if you’ve got anything weighing down your wedding finger. I once had a friend who decided that if she got a ring tattooed onto her wedding ring finger, all the creeps would leave her alone, and only her one true knight-in-shining-armor love would ever come up to hit on her. Big mistake. That kind of thing is like a wall that does nothing but keep out any potential gentlemen and let in all the hordes of crazies and horny weirdos out there.
3. Don’t go to bars. Oh my god, this is a big one. Where I live, most people think that the only place to go and meet guys is in bars, but this is a myth! The last place you’re going to find your Mr. Right is in a dank hole full of drunks that smells worse than the bad end of the ghetto. Where does Mr. Right hang out? Libraries. I’m serious. Places of knowledge. Museums, art galleries, protests, bookstores, upper division English classes at University. Mr. Right is a busy man, and in order to be just the right kind of perfect, he’s got to be working at it constantly. How do you meet him in a place like that? Walk right up to him and talk to him.
4. Don’t wait for him to make the first move. Chances are, no matter how much initiative Mr. Right may take in his everyday life (or in the sack *grin*) he’s usually too distracted, busy, or, heaven forbid, shy to make the first move. There are a lot of people out there, good and bad, who have been put through the ringer in terms of relationships, and a Mr. Right who has run into a whole string of crazy women or is afraid of rejection will rarely, rarely make the first move. Does this make him less of a man? Heck no. it just means you have to have the ovaries to suck in all your fears and baggage and let him know that you’re interested in him. In all honesty, some of the best men I’ve ever had in the sack were also some of the shyest.
5. Don’t be afraid to let your sexy show. You don’t have to be a supermodel to be sexy, and you don’t need to dress like the high-class woman of the night who hangs out on street corners either to catch Mr. Right’s eyes, but what you do need is just a little style. I hate high heel shoes, but I have lots of guy friends who go nuts for them. Short skirts (but not belt-length short) and shirts that show off what you’ve got upstairs help, but the main thing is to find clothing that is clean, that fits nice, and that matches. I dated a guy once that thought the sexiest look in the world was jeans and a tanktop, and he was something else, let me tell you (in a fantastic way.) If you can, find out what kind of look does it for him, (You might even try a couple looks and ask him what he thinks) and wear that whenever you’re around him.
6. Be optimistic. Not just about your chances of finding Mr. Right, but about everything around you. It’s a mindset. Watch yourself– if you’re out during the course of the day and all you can think about is what’s wrong in the world, you’re going to attract guys that see nothing but what’s wrong in the world too. Mr. Right is optimistic, and if you want to catch his eye, focus on all the things in life that are frikkin’ awesome, like the color of the sky, the one dandelion that happens to pop up in some suburbanite’s lawn, or the fact that you are alive. Spend some time thinking about all the things you’re grateful for, and focus on those. Only you can brighten your day– no one else can do it for you, no matter how long you wait.
7. Be patient. Not just when it comes to waiting for Mr. Right, but also when you’ve actually met him. Even if he’s the sexiest guy in the world, don’t jump all over him until you’ve gotten a chance to know him. I don’t know a man alive that won’t jump at the chance for a casual roll in the hay, and if you jump his bones in the middle of your first date, chances are that that’s all you’ll be to him.
8. Be careful what you talk about. I’m not advocating hiding anything, but if you tell him on the first date that you want kids, there’s a chance he’s going to run, especially if you use the words soon or now. Sure, Mr. Right isn’t afraid of commitment, but every man is afraid of getting snared by someone he doesn’t know (who could turn out to be nuts) and if he isn’t, you might want to run in the other direction instead. Remember, you have the power to say NO when it comes to your uterus at every step of the way. When in doubt, use it.
9. Kill your illusions. If your idea of Mr. Right involves supermodel good looks, millions of dollars, mansions and yachts, you might want to rethink that. Just because he comes from money and has an Oxford education doesn’t mean he’s Mr. Right. The real Mr. Right comes from a working class family and has worked hard to elevate himself above that. He’s the kind of guy that mothers are proud of, that works in a job he loves instead of in a job that he hates, just because it pays good. Heck, he doesn’t even really have to be that. The best guy in the world can sometimes just be a guy who is kind, smart, loving and funny, a guy who’s great with kids while still being a man you have a real chemistry with. Think long and hard about what will really make you happiest, and go out there and find that in a man.