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A Collection of a Single Guy's Worst Pick-up Lines . . .Ever

Updated on April 13, 2016
This photo defines this hub.
This photo defines this hub. | Source
Fair and feminine.
Fair and feminine. | Source

Getting a date: Dangerous lands for Awkward Guys.

I am guessing here being that I am far from a relationship expert. As as far as being a "Guru on Girls," you can forget that. Oh, true, I love beautiful women, but not as cheap sex object to be used for my personal pleasure then tossed aside like a pair of old work boots.

Women, for lack of the "perfect" adjective, are "special." As for "perfect" phrases, "there is nothing more exciting as admiring a beautiful woman from afar." Is my score two for two, one for two or zero for two? I confess. I would love to get "one" of these thoughts right. After all I am in a mysterious place that makes the "Haunted Forest," around the "Wicked Witch's" castle (with flying monkeys) look like Central Park.

So lovely. Mesmerizing.
So lovely. Mesmerizing. | Source

A few of the Gorgeous Girls who make "us" awkward literally "freeze-up."

Hypnotic eyes.
Hypnotic eyes. | Source
This lingerie model is probably the dream of a million awkward guys.
This lingerie model is probably the dream of a million awkward guys. | Source

Opening line: Tougher for awkward guys.

Well, for some, I can suppose. I was for me. Oh, my mind and hormones were in sync with (a) girl's over-whelming, stunning great looks, giggle and toothy smile with all perfect teeth. But what gave me the most trouble was getting my mouth to work like a "well-oiled," hand-made clock made in Germany in the Black Forest. I have seen one of these priceless time pieces and friends, they run "slicker than a track star running in STP."

I would summon my courage, dry my hands on the back of my damp jeans (moist from perspiration) and make my way up to where this beauty was standing either on our high school campus or in our cafeteria. It was all going to work or explode in a matter of seconds. Dating note: for guys, there is no relief in a girl saying, "we'll see," or "I will think about it." We had prefer that she say yes to a Friday night date or just frown and curse at us. At least we do not have to guess about dating her anymore.

Guys, it's All in Your First Pick-up Line.

Or so I have been told. Some lines are great while some are so asinine that the girl will treat us with pity thinking we have mental issues. Or they treated "me" this way. So to move right along with my "Lecture of Love," I give you . . .

Silky lips.
Silky lips. | Source
"MY" personal favorite: a mature lady.
"MY" personal favorite: a mature lady. | Source
A quiet girl is really nice.
A quiet girl is really nice. | Source
Her eyes drive me nuts.
Her eyes drive me nuts. | Source
She has "that" certain magnetism.
She has "that" certain magnetism. | Source
Blowing bubbles. What a great way to share a first date.
Blowing bubbles. What a great way to share a first date. | Source
She's frightened. I bet most awkward guys could calm her fears.
She's frightened. I bet most awkward guys could calm her fears. | Source
So good to look at.
So good to look at. | Source

A Collection of a Single Guy's Worst Pick-up Lines . . .Ever

  • "Hey, there. My grandpa allows me to pet his pigs that are headed to market."
  • "Do I have something hanging from my left nostril?"
  • "Before I ask you out, do you eat that much?"
  • "If you go out with me, do you mind us 'going Dutch?"
  • "I dated a girl two weeks ago who could pass for your sister." "Oh, she was that crazed serial killer on TV." (this one was a Two-Fer).
  • "You don't look pregnant."
  • "You know? You look a lot like Alex Rodriguez when he was younger."
  • "Would you mind terribly just acting like you are into me?"
  • "My pal, Tom, and our offensive line, told me that you were loose . . .whatever that means."
  • "My mom told me that if "you" are the one for me, we can live in our basement."
  • "No, I am not the janitor's son. Geez. I am his nephew, so what?"
  • "Wanna go with me and see what we can find in the dumpster behind the cafeteria? Oh, yeah. I said the cafeteria. I have ate there for six weeks for free."
  • "You don't sleep in a tanning bed do you?"
  • "Care to arm wrestle? If I win, we go out tonight. If you win, I leave school and change my name."
  • "Watch me catch this bite of candy in my mouth. Oh, I didn't buy it. I am very poor. I picked it up on the floor awhile ago."
  • "I promise to not over-medicate for my allergies if you go out with me."
  • Let me tell you a little about my family. We are not rich. My parents could not afford briefs for me, so my mom lets me wear her panties to school. But do not tell anyone."
  • "May I remark that you have a pimple on your nose that looks like a tick."
  • "Why did you frown and whisper e-ww-w when we shook hands?"
  • "I know this is the first time we've met, but I do not want a big wedding." (both are in junior high).
  • "You sure favor that girl who was in the paper who "had" to marry that logger."
  • "Do you mind looking at me and not talking to your girlfriends while I am talking to you?"
  • "I heard that you were "easy." (cough, cough), to talk to."

And "the" all-time Worst Pick-up Line Ever . . .

  • "If you go out with me Friday night, I will do my German Shepherd impression for you."

Note: guys, if you want to share your "scary" time of talking to a girl to get a date with you, simply send me your worst pick-up lines at my "Send Kenneth an Email" area on my Profile and I promise that I will not use your name.

An awkward guy can get lost in pretty eyes like these.
An awkward guy can get lost in pretty eyes like these. | Source


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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Davidraj43 -- my friend, you have definitely, without argument, Scored 100 + on these pick-up lines . . .and the third one about you having a library card, is THE BEST. I loved them all. Nice, friend. I don't mean to pry, but have you by any chance, used any of these?

      You don't have to ask. My best line to girls when I was single, I called, "The Big Gun," was:

      (Looking right into a girl's eyes and softly saying, "you know something, it should be a sin to be as pretty as you are." A lot of girls said, aweee, how sweet, but not many went out because of this "gun,"--guess it misfired, huh?

      At any rate, Happy New Year and keep writing.

      Keep in touch with me.

    • profile image

      Davidraj43 3 months ago

      Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.

      I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

      Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.

      Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

      I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on.

      Are you a fruit, because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?

      Here's a link 50 more of these:

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Adil,

      LOL! I loved your comment and lines that got me shaking with laughter.

      Thank you for LIKING this hub and My favorite line that you shared was: Hey, honey, I got money.

      That one was fantastic.

      Write me anytime.

    • AdilRiaz profile image

      Adil Riaz 4 months ago from Pakistan

      LOL nice collection!

      That last one my favorite one along with these..

      Hey honey, I got money!

      I’m allergic to your blouse, take it off now!

      Take some rest baby, you’ve been running on my mind since morning.

      I bet you $50, you’ll not go out with me.

      Here's a link 50 more of these:

      Hope you all find it funny :D

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Say Yes To Life,

      "YEEESSSS!" To all of these lines. Thanks. And thank you for the link. I might sneak another hub like this into HP in the future, but under a new tag and photos.

      But that last one about "the rug and drapes," one girl I dated, briefly, would have freaked and labeled me a vile snake if I had said that to her.

      Oh, she was wonderful to look at and had the softest voice. But I shudder to think of the look of disgust that would have appeared on her face.

      Thanks again, Dear Friend.


      Write me anytime.


    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 2 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      How about these:

      "I think the letters of the alphabet should be rearranged so that U and I are together".

      "You must be an overdue library book, because you have 'fine' written all over you".

      "Your lips look so lonely…Would they like to meet mine?"

      And then the most priceless one:

      Pointing at her hair, "Does the rug match the drapes?"

      Here's a link: