ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Love After Divorce

Updated on February 21, 2014
©copyright ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2012
©copyright ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2012

Love is infectious. It's a physical feeling that makes you feel safe, comfortable, tingly and happy. Sometimes it makes you want to throw-up. I'm talking about romantic love. The type of love that hits you, seizes you and takes over your senses. For me, there was an instant reaction that took place. I knew immediately when our eyes met that I was attracted to him. He will tell you to this day that he was not attracted to me, that he didn't even like me and that his secretary talked him in to going on the second date. He sure looks that way doesn't he?

I don't believe in love at first sight because there are too many factors that you have to take in to consideration but there's no denying that internal explosion that happens when you lock eyes with someone you could potentially love.

I genuinely applaud women who have the will and self discipline to remain celibate and who don't move-in with their potential spouse before marrying. My fellow "Gen-X-ers" most likely remember hearing our parents and grandparents speak about the taboos of "living together" before the wedding! In 2012, if you don't live together first, you are right up there with Joan of Arc and Elizabeth Taylor!

So how do you know if you are in love? Really in love? That is THE question that so many people want the answer to. There is a difference between liking someone, loving them, being obsessed with a person and knowing that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's simple.

When my ex-husband proposed to me, I had been out of college just over a year. My grandmother and I were roommates. I was working at a juvenile detention facility full-time and moonlighting in the evenings coaching gymnastics. Needless to say, I desperately needed rescuing. So I said yes, of course. I was about as close to love as the Eiffel Tower is to Panama. We met on a blind date and were engaged within six weeks. See where this is going? When my father was waiting with me to walk me down the aisle, I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. We were compatible, but why settle for compatible? My mother used to tell me, "you get what you settle for." It turns out, she was right. Nine years and two amazing kids later we were filing for divorce and it was the best thing we could have done.

©copyright ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2012
©copyright ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2012

I knew at that point that I would never love again and there was no chance I would ever get married again. Marriage was not for me. I had successfully proven to the world that I was the master of screwing up every meaningful relationship I had ever been in.

Isn't it great when life proves you wrong? The first time I looked into his eyes there was instant attraction. We met at a Starbucks. He offered to buy me coffee but I don't drink coffee so he paid for my hot chocolate. We talked casually and I noticed he was driving a police car. Immediately I assumed he would be like every cop I know: totally full of himself. Isn't it great when life proves you wrong?

We dated for a year before he asked me to move in with him which was terrifying. I wasn't sure I would ever start packing. Living on my own, not having to answer to any one for my whereabouts or my checking account balance had become very comfortable. It wasn't until two weeks before my lease expired that I even considered packing. I packed very slowly.

Four years later, Valentine's Day weekend, we went to his parent's house to pick up the gifts his parents had put together for the kids. We had agreed that we weren't doing anything for each other since Valentine's day was on a weekday. As the kids were opening their candy bags he knelt beside me and casually handed me a necklace box wrapped in gold paper. I didn't understand. He told me it was no big deal, just a little something he picked up. I slowly started unwrapping it because I believed him. It was a big deal. It was 2-carats of a big deal.

The difference between then and now is that this time I know it's right. I have no doubts. Yes, we fight but we get over it. If I could pass on one piece of advice to women everywhere it's just that - get over it because it's not worth hanging on to. There is no such thing as perfect love. Just a love that is perfect for you.

Champion your partner every chance you get. Be their biggest fan. If you aren't genuinely proud of their accomplishments, it's probably not meant to be. When one of you is having a difficult day, the other one is there to be supportive. It's a balance. Don't ever sacrifice yourself or your beliefs to be in a relationship. The moment you lose yourself is the moment it will spiral out of control.

Although it may not be the popular vote, you have to be physically attracted to the person you're with. When your significant other is the "hottest" person in the room, it changes things dramatically. I don't have the inclination to look at other men because of that very attraction.

I can't imagine my life without him and I wouldn't want to. So why bother? Use your energy finding reasons to stay together, not to break up. I know I'm with the right person because I can look into his eyes and know that even in my most vulnerable state he will protect me.

There are so many reasons I love him that it would be absurd to try to put it into one place all at one time. Nevertheless, I am going to try.

I love you because I can see myself in you.I see the person I want to be. I see today, tomorrow and all of the possibilities in between. I love you because with you I can make mistakes and know that you will be there to remind me that things will turn out just fine with a smile, a hug and your endless devotion. :) I love you because you have learned to tip-toe in the mornings, laugh with your entirety, apologize when it's warranted and hold me when you see me fall to my knees. I love you because you make glow-meals knowing that one day we both may actually glow and you eat them anyway. I love you because you put new tires on my car. I love you because you can fix a computer, tame a dog and melt my butter all by just a glance. I love you because you are strong and tender, you keep me safe and warm, you touch my mind, my body and my soul all at the same time. I love you because you're not afraid to ask my advice or admit your mistakes. I love you because you've taught me so much about myself, life, love and living. I love you because I can't imagine waking up without you next to me, or going to sleep without you there. I love you because this is an amazing adventure with you every day, good times and bad and I don't want to live this with anyone but you. I love you.


Hope this helps.



┬ęcopyright ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2012

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • krsharp05 profile image
      Author

      Kristi Sharp 6 years ago from Born in Missouri. Raised in Minnesota.

      Thank you for reading. The "love" part isn't finished yet. Check back in again...and thank you for welcoming me!

    • noturningback profile image

      noturningback 6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      I love LOVE; as in true, patient, not boastful, kind, enduring etc. etc.

      Very nicely written hub on a subject that at times has me cringing and then at times has me just so relaxed and content, as in no other thing could ever spoil that ?

      Oh by the way, welcome to HubPages!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)