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A Letter to the Wife of an Andropausal Male

Updated on September 24, 2011

Your husband has male menopause (low testosterone)

Dear Lonely Suffering Lady,
That grouchy, chubby, withdrawn couch potato that you are married to certainly does not resemble the man that you fell in love with. Perhaps you feel neglected, or worse, you feel like you are not alluring to him anymore. Perhaps his apparent boredom or lack of interest in the bedroom has left you feeling unwanted and unloved. Perhaps you have had the idea to have an affair if for no other reason than to feel desired again.

Your husband is suffering from a horrible disease which often gets dismissed as typical aging. If these physical and emotional changes were to happen to a man in his twenties, they would be handled as nothing less than a medical emergency.

No matter how unbearable your suffering may seem, his is worse. He is locked in his own personal hell of depression, self doubt, low self esteem, and anger. The more he pulls away from you, the more he needs you. His hell is called andropause, and it is killing him slowly. The man you love is in there, locked in darkness, feeling cold and alone. With your love and understanding, you can help bring him back into the warm sunshine, back into your loving marriage, and back into the bedroom.

The greatest weapon that you can have during this time is understanding. Understanding his pain, and understanding the disease called andropause will ensure a good outcome for you and him. If understanding is your sword, then hope will be your shield. Luckily, andropause can be treated easily and results are usually seen very quickly, your shield is a strong one.

To understand him, you must understand what is happening to his body and his mind. For one reason or another, his body has stopped or slowed the production of testosterone, an essential hormone to the male physiology. When this happens, his muscles begin to deteriorate, his mid-section begins to show the middle aged "beer belly" and he may not get aroused as often as he used to. You may have noticed that when he does get aroused, and intercourse is possible, it is often a brief encounter in which you are left wanting. These are the physical signs and they can develop over the course of decades. The disease is insidious in the respect that changes are so gradual that you may not really begin to notice for years.

Since lowered testosterone causes muscle tissue to decay, putting the heart at risk. The short duration of intercourse is also due to the decay of a muscle called the PC muscle. Perhaps he is urinating more frequently or communicates urgency to evacuate his bowels. These bodily functions are also held in by muscles.

Psychologically, however, things are even more grim. He sees his body wasting away, he is always tired, has little patience for adversity, and is an all around "grumpy old man". He realizes that his sexual performance is not at its peek and this leads to certain performance anxiety issues. He may even have a lack of desire for sex, or a belief that his lack of desire or erectile dysfunction is caused by boredom in the bedroom. He is slipping into a depression because his manhood is slipping away and he feels helpless to stop the decay. He sees his own mortality unfolding before his very eyes. The lack of testosterone decreases his ability to deal with stress and the blackness of his situation deepens.

The best thing that you can do for him is be there for him and encourage him to get his testosterone levels checked. With proper treatment, love and understanding, you should see a rapid improvement and a return of the man that you married. Usually within a month of the initiation of treatment, the evil Mr. Hyde begins the transformation back into the kind Dr. Jekyll.

You are going through a very difficult time. He may say or do things that upset, annoy or hurt you; it's not him, it's the disease that is wreaking havoc on his body, mind and soul. Once he gets treatment, the suffering ends and a new enjoyment of life with YOUR man begins.


Dr. Jekyll


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    • nemobird profile image

      Thomas Greenwell 6 years ago from Melbourne Florida

      Thank you so very much for your encouragement. I think that andropause has not been discussed enough in the mainstream.

    • profile image

      Regan 6 years ago

      Definitely an interesting hub and I marked as so.This is also a very thought-provoking hub .I like this hub very much .I appreciate your work. Thanks a lot for sharing.