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A Males Perspective On Modern Relationships

Updated on January 12, 2016
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"A woman sees a man; she likes him. Now she jumps on this thing and rides it to some kind of a standstill. Then she changes it and trains it, and to the exact degree that she’s able to do this, she disrespects him.” ~ Jack Nicholson

There seems to be a lot of material on HubPages, about everything wrong with relationships and how it is all men’s fault. I absolutely agree that there are some real scumbags out there, but most of us men are not like that. I thought it was perhaps about time, that a male perspective was provided on relationships and marriage in the modern world. Firstly let me make one thing very clear from the beginning. Unlike some women, I don’t think all members of one gender are the same. I will not go make sweeping generalisations about women as a whole. Firstly it is horribly inaccurate and secondly it is incredibly stupid. I like to treat the women I meet as individuals. There is far too much diversity in human nature to do anything otherwise. Thus this article is geared more toward the concept of relationships and marriage from a male perspective and some of the trends that we men are experiencing among some women in the population. Emphasis on the word some.

Today if you’re a man and you want to get married or have a life-long relationship with a woman and perhaps start a family, you are taking a massive gamble. A gamble with your own life and quite possibly your children. It is no secret that the divorce rate is astronomically high. In many places in Western society it is 50% and often at the very least 40%. In some places I have even heard 60% quoted. It is also very apparent to men that divorce and family courts are heavily weighted against them. From a male perspective there is a 40-60% chance you could lose a considerable portion of your assets, be obligated to pay alimony and be given very limited or no contact with your own children, to which you will obligated to pay child support. From a male’s point of view, he stands to lose a great deal more than the female from settling down and starting a family.

There is a moral hazard (a finance term) that exists in marriage for women. Indeed women initiate ~70% of all divorces in the West. There is no incentive for women to work on a marriage or try to make things right. If it all gets too hard or they get bored, they can simply cut their losses and leave. The legal system is on their side and in many cases the situation post-divorce, may look far more attractive than the current state of the relationship or marriage. There is an incentive to use the state to milk the male. Do I think all women do this? Of course not! But a fair amount do. Quite a few women will simply use a man to get pregnant to secure a paycheck. Oh and those are a woman’s words not mine (breathtakingly honest)! I don’t think it is in women’s nature to do this, but with the system set up the way that it is, it does encourage exploitation. Indeed when unemployed men can go to jail for failing to pay alimony to a wife that earns more money than them, I think we can call it legalised slavery. Debtor’s prison is a reality for men.

The Sad Story Of Male Iraq War Veterans And Marriage

Many men, including myself are judging the situation as simply too risky to invest time and energy in. Personally I would rather spend my time and energy on furthering my career, than having my heart ripped out in 7 years time when the partner I am with decides to take my own children out of my life, along with our house and use me as a source of income. The suicide rate among men one to two years after divorce is alarmingly high and I for one do not want to end up like the man in the adjacent video. Many men are pressured to devote all of their attention to their wives and children and lose all contact with their friends. Women often have a friendship network to call on if things go south. Consequently when men basically have been kicked out of their own house and estranged from their own children, they have no one they can call on for support. Hence the alarmingly high suicide rate among divorced men.

Where Did All The Good Men Go?

The bottom line is men stand to lose a lot more than women do from marriage, long term de facto relationships and family life, if things fail. Some women can quote all the studies they like, but they are not fooling anyone. I am not saying divorce is easy for women, but men do get the shorter end of the stick. I can tell you that the sentiment among generation Y men is why bother. We have seen what has happened to our parents and generation X men. We don’t want a bar of it. If I was a bank, I would never lend out money with the odds that marriage and family life represents for men.

Women need to understand that there is now a trust premium women have to provide, if they want a long term commitment from a man. The easiest way for women to lose our attention is to come across as superficial and narcissistic. We need some sign that you have the character and integrity to treat us with fairness and respect. We need that indication because we are taking a far greater risk than you are under our biased legal system. You want a family...fine…but are you the type of person we can trust?

Entitlement Mentality In Women

The Rise Of Narcissism In Women

One Man's Experience With The Princess Culture

Dr. Tara Palmatier "Equitable Relationships In An Age Of Female Entitlement: An Oxymoron"

Women like that do exist, I am friends with them and they are all in healthy mutually respectful relationships. Unfortunately there are a growing number of women (again some, not all), that seem to be too self-absorbed and entitled, to be worthy of our time and energy. Miranda Devine of the Herald Sun, calls it Female Entitlement Mentality (FEM) in her article. She describes an epidemic of female narcissism among today’s women, in which women place their own interests above everyone else’s and sometimes even reality. She goes on to describe the experience of a female professional dating coach with women and her growing frustration with dealing with FEM. Apparently these women don’t seem to understand that men find women who look down on them and behave arrogantly, a major turn off. No kidding!

The quickest way for me to lose interest in someone, whether they are male or female, is for them to behave arrogantly. On average I usually take 3-5 seconds to leave these people in the dust so they can judge some other poor guy or girl. I guess what is really amusing is that these women feel they can continue to behave this way in the present climate, when men basically have no incentive to be with them beyond a one-nights stand. I mean the cards are already stacked against us under the law. If you are full of yourself, then you might as well put a sign above your head calling yourself a parasite. No doubt that is what these type of women become in marriage and family life. Perhaps it’s the Sex In The City phenomenon. Prof. Christina Hoff Sommers has called it the, "Women Are Wonderful era" and justifiably criticised this wave of female narcissism. Wake up! It is all a fantasy. Sorry to burst your bubble in la la land, but in the real world you are just not that great.

I have heard all of this talk about the male ego and don’t get me wrong there are some absolute pigs out there, but frankly the male ego often pales in comparison to the female ego. At least we can accept criticism and own up to our mistakes. How many times do we see the man on TV bending over backwards to apologise to his wife or girlfriend? Apparently saying sorry is an act that is too upsetting and beneath some women. Women are always right remember. That’s the saying isn’t it? Happy wife, happy life. What the man wants comes second. Or something like that. Before some women go criticising men about their ego, perhaps they should look in the mirror first. Some women have made deflecting blame, accountability and responsibility an art. Heck even I believe them sometimes!

I am here to tell the women that actually have a soul and carry themselves with integrity, that in this day and age you have it all over other women. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are becoming an endangered species and are real diamonds in the rough. Your arrogant girlfriend is going to have a miserable life and you are going to have your pick of men. There is this myth that men only want women for sex. What an absolute load of nonsense. Ladies if we wanted you only for sex, we would see a prostitute. It would be far quicker, less stressful and probably less expensive! There is also the added bonus of no false rape or bogus domestic violence allegations. No, we actually want more than sex. We want a relationship and an intimate emotional bond with another human being. That is why it is so hurtful when some women treat us like we are financial commodities that they can just use and replace when they are done. Oh and if you want to use sex as some manipulative tool, then don't be surprised when men dump you and want nothing to do with you. Showing such little respect for men is not exactly a turn-on and is a red flag to us guys that you are a parasite. Who would want to continue to be with such an individual?

A beautiful woman will hold our attention for a few seconds, a lady with integrity will hold our attention for sixty or more years. Most of us men with a brain will choose a woman of character over a woman of beauty, for the simple reason that who you are is more important than what you are. Most men that choose looks over character, are just looking for a one night stand. Frankly when a woman has a toxic personality and no integrity, what else can these women offer men other than sex? And to think these same women wonder why no man wants to be in a relationship with them and find men only want them for sex. Facepalm.

Jack Nicholson And Jennifer Lawrence

You know a while ago I went to see Silver Linings Playbook and I must say that has to be one of the best romantic movies I have ever watched (Anna Karenina was good too). For those that have not seen it, please do. What made me particularly happy about the movie, was that it sent a powerful message to women. Men will take the girl who treats us with respect and actually cares for us every time, over the woman that uses us and disrespects us. Women need to know that men value and immensely appreciate good women. They also need to know that we will leave narcissistic, self-absorbed women in the dust.

No doubt that is why Jack Nicholson loved the movie so much….Congratulations Jennifer!

To read further on this subject, please consult my other article on "Parasitism And The Marriage Strike linked here" and my article on "Men, Suicide, Divorce And Family Court linked here".

Jack Nicholson Sums Up The Problem With Two Words

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  • MasculistFeminist profile image
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    Ryan 20 months ago from Australia

    Jean Bakula-Thank you for that comment. I could not agree with you more about sons needing the same warning from their parents about bad women, as girls get about bad men. This feminist fiction that all women are angels and all men are the devil, needs to be blown apart. In this legal and social climate, men need to be very careful. If men get the slightest hint a woman can't be trusted, walk away. It is better to be overly cautious than to get suckered into a parasitic relationship with an entitled princess, or worse go to jail for baseless allegations. The legal system is being used as a weapon by these bad women against men. The social climate enables it further by remaining silent whilst women exploit men with the legal system (i.e alimony and family court) and in a number of disgusting instances encourages mob justice for any allegation women make against men. On US College campuses, due process has been thrown out of the window for men accused of rape and has been replaced by kangaroo student courts where the young men accused have to prove their innocence (yep innocent until proven guilty is out the window). You can thank the feminist movement and the Obama government for that. If you are part of the male minority on a US College campus, then join the dateoffcampus hashtag. Why risk dating college girls when your life could be destroyed? Right now several falsely accused male students are suing their universities and so they should. I would be suing them blind. The conduct of the universities was inexcusable. The net effect of removing women from accountability toward men, is that men will simply walk away from them. Women can either fix up the mess feminism and this female entitlement culture is generating, or men will just keep opting out of dating, relationships and marriage and going their own way. This is not men's problem to fix. Women have to start taking responsibility for their own conduct and for the feminist interests that supposedly speak on their behalf.

  • Jean Bakula profile image

    Jean Bakula 20 months ago from New Jersey

    Thanks for an insightful and fair appraisal of relationships and marriages between men and women. The whole "dating" thing as it existed when I was younger doesn't seem to exist anymore, so it seems like many superficial people jump into living together, buying homes, and having babies when they never even knew each other long enough to have weathered any kind of crisis together.

    I also notice a big upswing in women who accuse men of rape, ruin their lives, and then say he didn't do it. That kind of nonsense has to stop, it's damaging to any guy who gets caught up with either a woman who is drinking or high, or is just a plain nut. There's a lot of danger out there. People need to be careful, and fair. As the Mom of a grown son, I know everyone warns their daughters about the dangers of men, but not so many warn their sons about the dangers of women!

  • MasculistFeminist profile image
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    Ryan 2 years ago from Australia

    Richie-Thanks for your kind feedback and insightful comment. The message to women I was trying to convey in the article above is pretty simple. Men are not attracted to narcissistic princesses that think that men's sole purpose is to serve their needs. Unfortunately many of these women seem to be trapped in a delusional bubble where they really believe men are below them. It is quite amusing to watch their delusional sense of entitlement clash with reality and then see these princesses go through temper tantrums when they don't get what they want. They seem to be completely clueless as to why men don’t want a relationship with them.

    Aside from all of that, men have done the cost benefit analysis on modern marriage and have come to the conclusion that not only is marriage no longer worth it, it is actually a danger to their own health, welfare and financial security and even their lives. It is a fact that 40-60% of marriages will end in divorce in the West. It is a fact that women initiate the majority of divorces (~70%). It is a fact that the divorce process and family court system is heavily biased in women's favour. It is a fact that many divorced men become financial slaves to their ex-wives and are alienated from their own children. It is a fact that a sizeable number of divorced men are imprisoned for failing to pay alimony and child support that exceeds their own incomes while their ex-wives freeload off their ex-husbands exploitation. It is a fact that one of the leading causes of suicide for men is a divorce process that frequently leaves them close to being broke, living in poverty and financial servitude and most painfully of all, alienated from their children through no fault of their own. A growing number of men are becoming aware of these facts and realities and are opting out and not getting married. Not even a compulsive gambler would take the odds modern marriage represents for men. See my article on men, suicide, divorce and family court linked at the bottom of this Hub or access it from my Hub Profile, for more discussion on this subject and an account of a tragic story of one divorced father that took his own life.

    When one adds the realities of the threat that modern marriage presents to men's health, financial welfare, legal freedom and their very lives, with the modern narcissistic princess culture, then it is not really difficult to understand why a growing number of men not only have no interest in marriage, but have little to no interest in relationships.

    A growing number of men are putting their health, their well-being, their financial security and their lives before marriage and the princess culture.

    So they should. Men deserve to be treated with respect.

    For the women out there that do respect men, that don't see men as a utility or a walking ATM to finance their lifestyles, that do truly accept men for who they are, that don't try to manipulate men, that do show genuine compassion and concern for men's well-being and do truly love men, you are the women men want to be in a relationship with. Physical attractiveness gets women a one night's stand, it does not get women a relationship that lasts. Just because men find you physically attractive, does not mean they want to be with you beyond one or two sexual encounters. Why would any man want to be stuck in a relationship with some woman that thinks the world revolves around them? Is such news really that surprising? To me that is basic commonsense.

    Relationships are a two way street for both sexes. Again to me that is basic commonsense. To the princess culture it is unthinkable.

    It is not misogyny to hold women accountable for their own bad behaviour. Feminist bigots, sociopaths and narcissists would like men to think otherwise. Let’s call a spade a spade, a fork a fork, a narcissist a narcissist and an entitled idiot an entitled idiot.

    No one is saying women have to be perfect, they just have to try to do the right thing by men. The same goes for men toward women.

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    Richie 2 years ago

    Fantastic informative article mirroring a lot of men's sentiments. In addition there seems to be a positive correlation between narcissism and physical attractiveness in women, and a negative correlation between depth of character and attractiveness.

  • MasculistFeminist profile image
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    Ryan 2 years ago from Australia

    You are very welcome. Something needs to be said.

  • Emmyboy profile image

    Emmyboy 2 years ago from Nigeria

    Well said. Thanks for sharing.

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