A Males Perspective On Modern Relationships
"A woman sees a man; she likes him. Now she jumps on this thing and rides it to some kind of a standstill. Then she changes it and trains it, and to the exact degree that she’s able to do this, she disrespects him.” ~ Jack Nicholson
There seems to be a lot of material on HubPages, about everything wrong with relationships and how it is all men’s fault. I absolutely agree that there are some real scumbags out there, but most of us men are not like that. I thought it was perhaps about time, that a male perspective was provided on relationships and marriage in the modern world. Firstly let me make one thing very clear from the beginning. Unlike some women, I don’t think all members of one gender are the same. I will not go make sweeping generalisations about women as a whole. Firstly it is horribly inaccurate and secondly it is incredibly stupid. I like to treat the women I meet as individuals. There is far too much diversity in human nature to do anything otherwise. Thus this article is geared more toward the concept of relationships and marriage from a male perspective and some of the trends that we men are experiencing among some women in the population. Emphasis on the word some.
Today if you’re a man and you want to get married or have a life-long relationship with a woman and perhaps start a family, you are taking a massive gamble. A gamble with your own life and quite possibly your children. It is no secret that the divorce rate is astronomically high. In many places in Western society it is 50% and often at the very least 40%. In some places I have even heard 60% quoted. It is also very apparent to men that divorce and family courts are heavily weighted against them. From a male perspective there is a 40-60% chance you could lose a considerable portion of your assets, be obligated to pay alimony and be given very limited or no contact with your own children, to which you will obligated to pay child support. From a male’s point of view, he stands to lose a great deal more than the female from settling down and starting a family.
There is a moral hazard (a finance term) that exists in marriage for women. Indeed women initiate ~70% of all divorces in the West. There is no incentive for women to work on a marriage or try to make things right. If it all gets too hard or they get bored, they can simply cut their losses and leave. The legal system is on their side and in many cases the situation post-divorce, may look far more attractive than the current state of the relationship or marriage. There is an incentive to use the state to milk the male. Do I think all women do this? Of course not! But a fair amount do. Quite a few women will simply use a man to get pregnant to secure a paycheck. Oh and those are a woman’s words not mine (breathtakingly honest)! I don’t think it is in women’s nature to do this, but with the system set up the way that it is, it does encourage exploitation. Indeed when unemployed men can go to jail for failing to pay alimony to a wife that earns more money than them, I think we can call it legalised slavery. Debtor’s prison is a reality for men.
The Sad Story Of Male Iraq War Veterans And Marriage
Many men, including myself are judging the situation as simply too risky to invest time and energy in. Personally I would rather spend my time and energy on furthering my career, than having my heart ripped out in 7 years time when the partner I am with decides to take my own children out of my life, along with our house and use me as a source of income. The suicide rate among men one to two years after divorce is alarmingly high and I for one do not want to end up like the man in the adjacent video. Many men are pressured to devote all of their attention to their wives and children and lose all contact with their friends. Women often have a friendship network to call on if things go south. Consequently when men basically have been kicked out of their own house and estranged from their own children, they have no one they can call on for support. Hence the alarmingly high suicide rate among divorced men.
Where Did All The Good Men Go?
The bottom line is men stand to lose a lot more than women do from marriage, long term de facto relationships and family life, if things fail. Some women can quote all the studies they like, but they are not fooling anyone. I am not saying divorce is easy for women, but men do get the shorter end of the stick. I can tell you that the sentiment among generation Y men is why bother. We have seen what has happened to our parents and generation X men. We don’t want a bar of it. If I was a bank, I would never lend out money with the odds that marriage and family life represents for men.
Women need to understand that there is now a trust premium women have to provide, if they want a long term commitment from a man. The easiest way for women to lose our attention is to come across as superficial and narcissistic. We need some sign that you have the character and integrity to treat us with fairness and respect. We need that indication because we are taking a far greater risk than you are under our biased legal system. You want a family...fine…but are you the type of person we can trust?
Entitlement Mentality In Women
The Rise Of Narcissism In Women
One Man's Experience With The Princess Culture
Dr. Tara Palmatier "Equitable Relationships In An Age Of Female Entitlement: An Oxymoron"
Women like that do exist, I am friends with them and they are all in healthy mutually respectful relationships. Unfortunately there are a growing number of women (again some, not all), that seem to be too self-absorbed and entitled, to be worthy of our time and energy. Miranda Devine of the Herald Sun, calls it Female Entitlement Mentality (FEM) in her article. She describes an epidemic of female narcissism among today’s women, in which women place their own interests above everyone else’s and sometimes even reality. She goes on to describe the experience of a female professional dating coach with women and her growing frustration with dealing with FEM. Apparently these women don’t seem to understand that men find women who look down on them and behave arrogantly, a major turn off. No kidding!
The quickest way for me to lose interest in someone, whether they are male or female, is for them to behave arrogantly. On average I usually take 3-5 seconds to leave these people in the dust so they can judge some other poor guy or girl. I guess what is really amusing is that these women feel they can continue to behave this way in the present climate, when men basically have no incentive to be with them beyond a one-nights stand. I mean the cards are already stacked against us under the law. If you are full of yourself, then you might as well put a sign above your head calling yourself a parasite. No doubt that is what these type of women become in marriage and family life. Perhaps it’s the Sex In The City phenomenon. Prof. Christina Hoff Sommers has called it the, "Women Are Wonderful era" and justifiably criticised this wave of female narcissism. Wake up! It is all a fantasy. Sorry to burst your bubble in la la land, but in the real world you are just not that great.
I have heard all of this talk about the male ego and don’t get me wrong there are some absolute pigs out there, but frankly the male ego often pales in comparison to the female ego. At least we can accept criticism and own up to our mistakes. How many times do we see the man on TV bending over backwards to apologise to his wife or girlfriend? Apparently saying sorry is an act that is too upsetting and beneath some women. Women are always right remember. That’s the saying isn’t it? Happy wife, happy life. What the man wants comes second. Or something like that. Before some women go criticising men about their ego, perhaps they should look in the mirror first. Some women have made deflecting blame, accountability and responsibility an art. Heck even I believe them sometimes!
I am here to tell the women that actually have a soul and carry themselves with integrity, that in this day and age you have it all over other women. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are becoming an endangered species and are real diamonds in the rough. Your arrogant girlfriend is going to have a miserable life and you are going to have your pick of men. There is this myth that men only want women for sex. What an absolute load of nonsense. Ladies if we wanted you only for sex, we would see a prostitute. It would be far quicker, less stressful and probably less expensive! There is also the added bonus of no false rape or bogus domestic violence allegations. No, we actually want more than sex. We want a relationship and an intimate emotional bond with another human being. That is why it is so hurtful when some women treat us like we are financial commodities that they can just use and replace when they are done. Oh and if you want to use sex as some manipulative tool, then don't be surprised when men dump you and want nothing to do with you. Showing such little respect for men is not exactly a turn-on and is a red flag to us guys that you are a parasite. Who would want to continue to be with such an individual?
A beautiful woman will hold our attention for a few seconds, a lady with integrity will hold our attention for sixty or more years. Most of us men with a brain will choose a woman of character over a woman of beauty, for the simple reason that who you are is more important than what you are. Most men that choose looks over character, are just looking for a one night stand. Frankly when a woman has a toxic personality and no integrity, what else can these women offer men other than sex? And to think these same women wonder why no man wants to be in a relationship with them and find men only want them for sex. Facepalm.
Jack Nicholson And Jennifer Lawrence
You know a while ago I went to see Silver Linings Playbook and I must say that has to be one of the best romantic movies I have ever watched (Anna Karenina was good too). For those that have not seen it, please do. What made me particularly happy about the movie, was that it sent a powerful message to women. Men will take the girl who treats us with respect and actually cares for us every time, over the woman that uses us and disrespects us. Women need to know that men value and immensely appreciate good women. They also need to know that we will leave narcissistic, self-absorbed women in the dust.
No doubt that is why Jack Nicholson loved the movie so much….Congratulations Jennifer!
To read further on this subject, please consult my other article on "Parasitism And The Marriage Strike linked here" and my article on "Men, Suicide, Divorce And Family Court linked here".