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A Wedding Day Nightmare

Updated on March 19, 2012

Your Wedding Day


Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Unfortunately for many brides, that happiness can be marred by the arrival of unwanted guests at the ceremony or reception. If your husband’s ex shows up at your wedding, you may feel that your special day has lost its charm. You may even feel anger and resentment toward your new spouse for no legitimate reason. Your husband’s ex showing up at your wedding, however, doesn’t have to darken your happy day.


Evaluate Why She's There

Your husband’s ex may have a good reason for attending your wedding. This is especially true if she and your husband have children together. You cannot expect your husband’s ex to simply hand the children over to a relative to take to the wedding. If the children attend, so will she.

In this case, your husband’s ex has not arrived to spoil your festivities. Rather, she is only there to serve as transportation to and from the ceremony for the children that she and your husband share. Don’t see her presence as being a factor that can dampen your bliss. Look at her arrival as a small price to pay for the attendance of your new stepchildren.

Even if your husband and his ex do not share children, they may still share a close friendship. No matter how much it may irritate you, your husband has the right to keep whomever he pleases as a friend. In this situation, your husband’s ex is there to show her support for your husband’s choices, and it would be unfair to deny any well-wisher the opportunity to do so.

Be Cool


In some cases, your husband’s ex may have no good reason for being at your wedding. This is, however, no just cause for you to lose your cool or worse - initiate an altercation with the woman. Comfort yourself with the fact that you are the one wearing the bridal gown and you are the one who will spend the rest of your life with your husband. View her presence as a blessing since it presents an opportunity for you to demonstrate to her that you aren’t going anywhere, and the relationship she once shared with your husband is definitively over.


If the presence of your husband’s ex at your wedding really gets under your skin, you can minimize the negativity as much as possible by keeping your distance from the woman. At some point, you and your new spouse may need to greet her as a couple. When you do so, be civil. Nastiness has no place at a wedding ceremony or reception and could result in an escalating argument that would spoil your wedding day.

For the rest of the time, take care to avoid your husband’s ex. Dance, eat, socialize, and enjoy the event you waited so long for without including her in your thoughts. The less you see her, the less she will factor into the memories you keep of your wedding day.

Keep Your Husband Near

Your husband has chosen your wedding day to express his undying love and devotion to you - not his ex. Unfortunately, if you are not clear about what your husband’s ex’s motivation was in attending your wedding, it may in your best interest to keep your husband close by while you actively avoid her. This prevents her from having the opportunity to talk to your husband alone and say anything to him that may inadvertently spoil his fun and dampen his mood. Before long, you will both be having so much fun celebrating your new union that you will forget she is even there.

Ask Her To Leave

In some extreme situations, your husband’s ex may have arrived merely to cause trouble at your wedding. Whether she is there to beg for your husband back or to share unpleasant secrets, you should not permit this to go on. Some couples can ignore such behavior and focus instead on their new life together. If you find, however, that you simply cannot have a good time with your husband’s ex in the room, ask your husband or a family member to quietly ask your husband’s ex to leave. You are perfectly justified in requesting that your husband’s ex leave if she has no positive purpose for being there or was not invited to the ceremony.

Your husband’s ex doesn’t have to be the enemy. Unless you have a small, intimate wedding, there are probably quite a few people at your ceremony, such as relatives or co-workers of your husband, that you are not familiar with. Group your husband’s ex into this category and forget about her. In time, she will be the last thing that pops into your mind when you look back on your wedding.


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  • pmccray profile image

    pmccray 8 years ago from Utah

    adrienne2 - some very good suggestions for warding off wedding problems. So sad people can't let others alone, and must continue to be the ever present pain in the....

    I guess bad attention is worse than none to some. Great hub

  • adrienne2 profile image

    Adrienne F Manson 8 years ago from Atlanta

    Ex's can be a blessing or a problem depending on how a person chose to handle ex's.

  • carolina muscle profile image

    carolina muscle 8 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

    I think you have some very solid advice here about dealing with ex's. Nicely done.

  • adrienne2 profile image

    Adrienne F Manson 8 years ago from Atlanta

    DeBorrah, That's a very good suggestion. In the past I have chosen not to attend my ex's wedding, although I was invited I did not feel comfortable with the idea of going.

  • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

    DeBorrah K Ogans 8 years ago

    Adrienne2, Nice hub! You have made some really good suggestions. The truth is; like it or not to some degree your spouse's ex is going to be a part of your life. Possibly have a designated person to keep an eye on them to make them comfortable, and circumvent any unforseeable problems... This way you are free to celebrate your new beginning!

    Thank you for sharing, Blessings!