Grandma's Love

_{© Copyright 2012, Tracy Lynn Conway, with all rights reserved.}

I can remember it as if it were yesterday; my head resting on my Grandmother’s warm cozy lap, leaning against her soft stomach. It was on weekend visits that I recall being in her living room on her well worn, 70’s style, yellow velvet couch. She was caressing my long, wavy brown hair, and although it was peacefully quiet, I could almost hear the distant sound of sweet angels gently singing to me. It was as if the world had stopped. This is the memory, my memory, the moment that I hold on to as a time when I felt most safe and nurtured.

Grandma Tessie had a kind smile with the purest blue eyes, but it was her heart that held the most purity, it was limitless. She was the one person I could always count on. Lying there on her lap felt like an endless moment, and in a way that moment hasn’t ended because I have remembered it perfectly, even today. I go back to this memory time and time again. Looking back, it was Grandma Tessie that understood how to love and gave this precious gift to me. That moment lying on her lap is what I always return to.

I often wonder if it is healthy for me to hold on to that special time and think about it as often as I do, but since my childhood was darkened by the separation of my parents when I was eight years old, that singular moment with Tessie remains my one peaceful childhood memory; just thinking of it nurtures me still. I even wonder if I can amplify it and have it be a quantity of love large enough to fulfill me and carry me through my life.

Can one profound positive moment give us enough to carry us through our entire life?

In his book “The Science of the Spirit” Rudolph Steiner, a German philosopher who was born in 1861, wrote about the ways in which we can increase our consciousness. In this book he explains that small interactions can have profound effects on our lives. Conversely, there can be people in our lives, even some that we see every day, that have a minimal effect on us. Steiner explains that since we will never know what kind of interactions are headed our way, we need to be conscious or aware so that when the most meaningful ones present themselves, we will be aware and able to acknowledge them. In the case of my childhood, this one moment with my grandmother was the one that stands out for me the most.

I think this concept could even be expanded and used to understand great friendships that come to an end. I truly wish all great friendships would last forever, just like I wish that moment on Grandma Tessie’s lap would last forever, but I think that the life lesson here is that we often have to move on. I find that many of the great friendships in my life need to come to an end whether for geographical reasons or simply the change and growth of the individuals in the course of the relationship dictate this “end”. The challenge then becomes one of holding onto those great memories with that person and allowing them to give us strength. Of course this strength can be bittersweet because we will always miss the experience of the friendship.

I am not sure that any human being can fully comprehend the ending of a friendship or in a more profound sense, the acceptance of the death of a person that we loved deeply, just as we can’t fully comprehend the finite reality of our own future death. We may at times feel that we do understand it or waiver between accepting it and being confused by it. This has to remain something that will always be elusive and we have to accept that. Keeping the magic alive and treasuring what has been gained between two people seems to be the key to moving on healthfully.

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A single rose can be my garden... a friend, my world.

~Leo Buscaglia

A happy memory never wears out.

~Amish Proverb

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.

~C. S. Lewis

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

~Unknown