ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Accidental Stupid Things Guys Say Without Thinking

Updated on January 9, 2019
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

Friends, This Introduction

will not be easy. I want to apologize just so there will not be any hurt feelings. I just felt it necessary to get the “work,“ finished and out of the way. And while I am at this juncture, another thing about this piece is that is in no way about sex, sexy girls or even sexy guys. This piece can best be explained as a view into a guy‘s mind and how it works or in this case . . .doesn‘t work. And if you are a guy, you know quite well what I am eluding to.

Right now I would ask all of the guys in my readership and take a good close look at the two girls in this hub. I will even take a coffee break, warm up a cup of my coffee and stretch my limbs. All of this extra activity should take around ten minutes. Deal?

Don‘t laugh. I have completed a comprehensive study of How to Write a Hub and I did some re-studying the major aspects of What Not to Write, Subjects That Make Interesting Hubs and How to Use Correct Grammar---to name a few, and you know what. I appreciate those areas of HubPages Study Guide and (with this hub) I am hoping like there is no tomorrow that “this,“ hub just might win some type of acknowledgement or award. I don‘t care. I am not a choosy man.

This girl is so pretty so guys, please make sure that you are relaxed when you talk to her or else you will be a laughing stock.
This girl is so pretty so guys, please make sure that you are relaxed when you talk to her or else you will be a laughing stock. | Source

Just Keep in Mind

as you guys are sitting down and reading this hub that I haven‘t put anything that might tend to make you think that I am trying to be the reincarnation of the late, humorous Red Skelton. There was only one Red and there shall never be another one. So relax, guys. This is going to be a time of serious studying . . .if you are one of those guys who views a pretty girl and your mind realizes the fact that she is gorgeous, but between the brain and lips, something goes awry and something really dumb spews out of your mouth and you lose whatever credibility you had with that pretty girl.

I am not trying to make you guys feel bad. I was one of those guys between the ages of 14 through 21 and in those seven years, I have been embarrassed by women and I know that in the seven years, I must have embarrassed my share of women, but with age, it is said, comes wisdom. When I turned 22, something wonderful happened to me and I include my marriage with my wife, Pam, who has been married 43 years with me—and in the early going, I did my best to not say any stupid things, but some did, but thank God, she overlooked them.

You see? There is no such of a thing as a perfect guy. Oh, how I wish that I could have been of the perfect background, but I was not. But if you are unable to say anything sensible and cute to a pretty girl, then just get yourself a cup of coffee, put your feet up and read the rest of this hub. I promise that you will be a new man.

The Name of This Hub

is Accidental Stupid Things Guys Say Without Thinking . . .and it won‘t take long for you to know that “I“ am serious-minded man with this hub. You will be thanking me at the end. So let‘s make a go of you becoming reborn from dumb-founded (no offense) to brilliant. NOTE: all of the remarks are made from nervous, non-thinking guys who are trying to impress pretty girls.

  • “Heyyy! Do you ever go out on Saturday nights and go moose hunting?“
  • “My name is Patty, errr, Pat Avon, errr, sorry. I am so happy to shake (pause) your hand!“
  • “Nice, big dress you have on. When is the big day?“ (the poor guy thinks the girl is pregnant).
  • “Did you graduate high school, or did you cheat your way here in the office?“
  • “Care to hear my impression of an old Poodle, errr, sorry. I mean German Switchboard?“
  • “Sayyy, you look so pretty today. Oh,did you forget to shave?”
  • “Oh, I see that you noticed the scratches on my hand. My cat did this because I can’t get a date.”
  • “See that guy over there? He’s our talented quarterback. I can get him to ask you out.”
  • “Your make-up looks so smooth to be applied in three or four layers. Why are you upset?”
  • “I may look like it, but I am not a farmer. I do like pet pigs—so cute just like you.”
  • “Would you let me take my sister with you and me for dinner?”
  • “I noticed that you keep smiling at me. Do you have a bad case of gas?”
  • “. . .and I’m a punctual stud, I hate hot-dogs, but I love sour kraut. No, I am not a Nazi.”
  • “I heard you talking to that girl yesterday and I have to know—are you a farmer’s daughter?”
  • “Hey, you care to take in the wrestling matches with me tonight? I will let you win.”
  • “Tell me. Just how many dough-nuts can you put down at one time?”
  • “When you stand like that, you remind me of Jim Nabors.”
  • “I found out that your name is Judy. I found your name in the boys’ rest room.”
  • “I am going to a Halloween party tonight and I am the back-end of a two-man horse.”
  • “I love horses. Do you? I love for people to ride me like my uncle’s Palomino.”
  • “I love to dance. You look like a good dancer even with your big feet.”
  • “When I hear your voice, I smell like a bowl of Jell-O.”
  • “May I call you tonight? My parents will act as a chaperone just so I won’t say anything vulgar.”
  • “Normally, I am a clean-cut guy. But yesterday, I fell into my grandpa’s hog pen and well, I have put on a few pounds, and grandpa got confused as he thought I was one of his pigs.”
  • “Heyyy, that perfume just drives me wild. Smells a lot like a set of new GoodYear tires.”
  • “Do you dye your hair or are those roots a natural black?”
  • “I got an idea for our first date: my sister and her husband have a child, age three, so you and I can do some babysitting so she and her husband can have a night off.”
  • “Are you a good cook? I’ll ask your mom when I go over to your house to pick you up.”
  • “I was on TV one time. My mom knocked me off of it.”
  • “My name is Jackie, but know this: I always use a fake name when talking to girls.”
  • “My folks will be gone tonight, so when I pick you up I will show you their bedroom.”
  • “Heyyy, you will love this: I will show you our new commode when we drop over at our home”
  • “Want to hear something funny? I got my head stuck in our commode while looking for a quarter.”
  • “Want to have some fun? I will drive us by the pier and the sailors can make passes at you.”
  • “Here look! I can make my face look exactly like my grandma Jemima. She was gypsy.”
  • “Do you ever eat EX-LAX when you feel, you know, kinda down and out?”
  • “You strike me as a girl who knows fashion—so does my new jeans make my rump look big?”
  • “I am not into violence, so when we are in public and another guy makes a pass at you, I will make sure that he treats you right.”
  • “My parents keep harping on me getting a job and getting my own place.”
  • “You are such an athletic girl—so did you go out for football?”
  • “You might like to know that I tried out for cheerleader and made it!”
  • “Would you let me bite your arm to prove to you that my pet Lab is just a big pet?”
  • “Hey, look! I can do a great tortoise impression.”
  • “When you want to have children, do you want me to be their father?”

I think that I have made my point.

If you are a guy that cannot think to say the right thing to a girl, read these items and DO NOT say them or anything like them and you will be fine.

January 9, 2019_______________________________

Remember . . .think first before you speak, guys and you will come out okay.
Remember . . .think first before you speak, guys and you will come out okay. | Source

© 2019 Kenneth Avery


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)