- Gender and Relationships
Addicted to Falling in Love
Like lightening, a pang of ecstasy jolts through her tender regions on a mission. The feverish energy first lands on the inside of the ankle, sneaking up behind the knee gaining speed, and finally a stronger burst sweeps the inside of her thighs, an insistence that demands surrender. Just when it feels so good it hurts, the electricity hits all points at once reaching full potential at the only place it can be released.
I've just explained the "high" of desire and desire is just one of the side effects of falling in love. Your special love interest doesn't even have to be present for this feeling to occur- it can happen with a mere thought of them. The physiological high of desire and emotional fulfillment all neatly rolled up into one package, one dose, one hit. It's deeper than lust, but not nearly as complicated as love. Somewhere in between resides a euphoric world where lust and infatuation graduates into a new level with exciting unknowns. There is still so much you want from this person, yet in a way they are already fulfilling you.
In your spiritual world, they could be "the one". In your psychological world the two of you simply make sense and in your physical world, well, mildly stating...it is being rocked! If ever he looked like your knight in shining armor or she your maiden in waiting, this is the time. Optimism abounds, the roses smell sweet from an astounding distance, the sun sets only for you two, and just the thought of this person sends you into the depths of your fantasy instantly. It's called falling in love.
I thought I had the business of losing control under control. Sounds funny, hey I've always been a funny girl, but seriously I had a distinguishable pattern of safely getting my high. The very term falling in love implies falling...losing control in other words. But I knew exactly how to spot the perfect person; a man not sure of what he wanted, not only after sex, but not ready for marriage either. He was open to letting the cards fall where they may, making it safe to fall into his arms.
I knew how to invest myself physically and mentally just enough to get the high and move on. Yes, falling but not uncontrollably. At the risk of making one giant generalization right now, most men are OK with a woman moving on. So I never thought for once I left behind a broken heart. My "high" was harmless.
But dealing with desire amidst falling in love is tricky. On the one hand I had to keep distance because close proximity is a sure way to completely fall in love, which you want to be falling but not fallen; a fine line. However, desire would ache in my belly to be with him. Not just the typical desire we think of for sex, but a desire to learn more about this person and for them to know me, and to have shared experiences together.
Broken hearts are a buzz kill
I have a conscience and one day I realized I had broken a heart. It was an awful feeling, still is. This is when I truly understood that love is not a game and falling in love precedes being in love. Some people get there quicker than others and one very nice guy had raced me there. He had fallen and I didn't even notice until I tried easing my way out of his life. He was such a gentleman about it, but let me know he had fallen. I cared about him, but had picked him solely because I knew he wasn't someone I'd fall for completely.
Breaking someone's heart was totally a buzz kill. I had some things to think about. Why was falling in love so glorious, but being in love so torturous in my mind? When falling in love is a high and becomes a habit rather than a natural experience, it is hard to know who is the right person to completely fall in love with when you are ready. Your intuition can be severely broken after years of misuse and suddenly rather than the master at love, you are a beginner.
Out of control victim
I know a couple people in my life that have no control over this particular high. They don't just like falling in love, they fall in love all the way, getting married multiple times. These people love to be in love so it's a little different than falling in love and moving on, but this high claims victims; it's not good. Nobody wants a life full of broken hearts.
This person needs to take their time falling. Here is one trick that kept me from completely falling, but might be essential for someone who falls too easily: find fault. Sounds cruel doesn't it? Find one good reason why you two should not be together. If you're falling too quick then remember this fault and it may slow things down.
Also notice what the other person is feeling toward you and if they are mirroring your emotions and gestures of love. Are they in love as well. People who fall too quick tend to just concentrate on how much they are in love, but not what the other person might actually be feeling.
Being in love with falling in love, distracts from the person you are interested in. The feeling becomes the focus and not the person, therefore who knows if the person is really right for you when you are so caught up with that high. Focusing on the person allows you to fall in love with the person and not that feeling.
I consider myself a recovering addict because those desires to feel that high still arise and are intense. Of course they have been replaced by much more rewarding aspects of being committed to someone I love and have a child with.
I suppose people like me grew up in an environment that stated 'Get close but not too close' therefore we are prime targets of that particular "safe" high. Sooner or later I had to grow up and give up control over how love entered my life. How did I do it, you ask? I took almost three years off from falling in love. Then I let it occur naturally. The next person was who I married.
Recovery is tough because that high is imprinted physiologically and isn't easy going cold turkey, but there is a way out. For my enjoyment now, I take notice of others who are falling in love. I spot a couple somewhere who have that new glow and connection or I watch a romance movie where the climax is all about falling in love. Better yet, is when I see the reflections in an elderly couple's gaze and you can tell they are thinking of the moment they fell in love with each other.
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