ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

She Proposed to Him. Is That OK?

Updated on November 6, 2011

Dear Veronica,

I have been seeing this female for 1 month and she proposed to me..and I told her I don't want...

to get married...I'm only 20 anyway...now she says I hurt her pride...I thought the guy was supposed to ask...

Danielthorne

Dear danielthorne,

I've written many hubs on here where I've gone over the whole age thing again and again. At 20 you are way too young to be considering marriage. You haven't gone through your Saturn Return, let alone your frontal lobe development.

Although different people at different points in their lives require different amounts of time to figure out if a relationship is going to work or not for the long haul, one month is really a ridiculously short amount of time. You can't really know each other enough to make a major life decision like marriage.

And to prove that's true, we have the fact that she proposed, and you don't seem to think women should do the proposing.

There wasn't actually a question in your question for me, but I'm going to tackle the issue of whether or not women should propose.

It's an old fashioned notion that the man should do the proposing. In an ever changing world of evolving relationships there aren't many old fashioned traditions that are still embraced by both sexes. But this seems to be one of them.

I've had several emails from male readers that echoed your dismay.

Way back when, the man did the proposing out of design: he was the bread winner, the one in charge, the one that would make the decisions regarding buying a house, working, money, and therefore it would be up to him to develop the timeline for such events. The woman merely had to say, "Yes dear."

Nowadays relationships are not so cut and dry. Women work, they have their own schedules and agendas for what they want out of life and what they are doing with their time. Often marriage is agreement more than a question.

But even after the agreement is reached, the woman still wants the man to propose, and he still wants to be the one that gets down on one knee and makes it official.

Because so many people feel so strongly about this, I haven't advised any of my female readers to do the proposing. Daniel you are not alone in your thinking. It seems most men and women feel the same way. I'm not sure why this is, but the one simple theory I have is this: deep down, men like feeling masculine and women like feeling feminine.

I make as much as my husband does. I can take my own car into the shop, I guide my own investments, I can take out the trash and cut my own grass. There is nothing I "need" my husband for. Yet I still have this hardwired desire to be the girl and to feel taken care of in some small way. I look for these things and I really appreciate them. My husband kills the spiders, opens doors for me, and trims the hedges. These are just a few examples. Obviously I can do all these things for myself, but aside from the teamwork idea, there is just something classically feminine and masculine about certain tasks and manners. No one is being hurt, so what's the harm in indulging?

One male reader wrote me a few years ago echoing the sentiment. He said that when his girlfriend proposed, he felt emasculated. He said he knew there was no reasoning to that. They had discussed marriage, he wanted to spend his life with her. But he felt that proposing was this one tradition, this one thing, that he could give her. He thought it would be romantic and classic. And she took that away from him.

It's not right or wrong to break with tradition. The important thing is to know your partner. Respect their desires even if they aren't completely sensical, and make sure they respect yours. It's fine that you feel the man should propose. Hopefully in your future the right women will feel the same way. Or at least she will take the time to know you and learn that about you. 

Now that we've tackled your question Daniel, I have one for you.

In your question you say you're only 20 years old. Your profile says you've been an online marketeer since 1997. You started out in business when you were 7 years old?

This hub

was written by Veronica for Hubpages. If you are reading it anyplace else, it has been stolen. All text is original content by Veronica. All photos are used with permission. All videos are courtesy of youtube.com

If you have an honest relationship question, ask me. Maybe I can help.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • tom_caton profile image

    Tom Caton 7 years ago from The Desk

    teehee...

  • Veronica profile image
    Author

    Veronica 8 years ago from NY

    Ah. Then she must be out of your life now?

  • danielthorne profile image

    danielthorne 8 years ago

    That happened when I was 20..

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)